Friday the 13th

This game had some good and some bad. Overall it exceeded my expectations.

The writing style resembles an almost incoherent rapid-fire speech pattern of someone either very young, overexcited, or afraid. Normally. I'd hate the style. But, combined with the extremely short pages, I felt it added to the horror element. In particular, I felt the page where you, spoiler alert, find all your friends dead well done. I'd like more of that.

The short pages also gave my first playthrough a hint of something greater. With multiple options in the first act, I was eager to find out how far the branches would go.

However, the choices themselves were often poorly done. They were a test of basic cognitive function. Soe examples: do you check out the screams, or do you ignore everything? Will you go pee, or will you stay in your hiding spot? Will you make a sound, or will you make no sound when actively hiding?

They are even below the level of the protagonists in horror movies, and that says a lot. A second playthrough also showed me that most 'normal' choices were either fake, or led to a rapid death. The writing also became more and more jumbled as the story went on, almost as if the author was done and wished to rush to finally finish his work.

Overall I'd say it's worth a quick 5 minute read, it's basically all the movie tropes in written form.

Knowing this a short story, the expectations are not huge going in. At the same time, there have been some very effectively written short stories here on the site. As of this review, this one is #10 for 2019, so hopefully there’s something good here.

The first page pretty much dashed my hopes of finding a short little gem. The third word in the title is misspelled and the fourth word is missing a capital letter. I’m not a grammar Nazi or anything, but those are glaring errors that really take away from the readability of the entire story. And with that kind of error in the very first line, it sort of lower the expectations for the rest of the story and now I’ll be looking even more for additional, similar errors.

The actual text on the page is, as one might expect, a bit brief. Even the simple description of arriving at the lake on the first day: you could probably write 1,000 words describing the sights, sounds, and smells happening on that very first page. Instead there is just a note about a picture on a wall. What wall? A picture on the outside wall? Is the wall connected to a building? Just showing the wall really leaves a hole in the story and could be expanded so much more to create a much better picture of what’s about to happen in the story.

The actions and activities in the story follow this same pattern: very little information and descriptions and just actions. You could really build a lot more suspense into the story with more detailed descriptions of the feelings and sounds in the dark house. There’s also one page that, in the text, asks you if you want to call 911 or go to a car. However, the options at the bottom of the page only allow you to call 911.

There are additional spelling errors, and a weird breaking of the fourth wall as well. This is a nice attempt at a storygame and the idea behind it can work. With a bit more work, proofreading, editing, and adding to the story, this could really be a nice little story. Thank you for sharing it with the site.

I hate niggers

I loved playing this story

LOVE IT!! So Funny When I Stayed Still, STILL And it gave me a hilarious message

I was hoping for something a little more scary but I found myself bored with the lack of description and obviousness of choices. Obviously I’m not going to go take a leak upstairs when there’s a rampaging murderer on the loose.

Also the spelling and grammar errors made the story sound a little silly at times and I could only find one good ending to speak of which was the police escape one. If there is a second ending then it wasn’t made clear how to achieve it.

The whole mocking me for making an incorrect choice was a tad annoying. Had there been a time constraint I would understand but there wasn’t. I found the story to be amusing for the brief period I played it but it’s not worth multiple play-throughs.

hell yeah dude

Now, let me just say that this story really shows you what would happen to you in a horror movie, and what character you would most likely be. I, for one, got the "Swirly" ending, stayed with Sammy until I heard the screams, and looked at the photo on "the Wall". Which, to me, tells me that, in a horror movie, I would be the Curious and Scared kid, who dies from curiosity. Now this story did have minor grammar errors that you don't see at first glance, and the text was uninformative, I guess is the word. You could've added more detail. For example, "The Wall" that's brought up on the first page. Did you want the reader to imagine what it looked like on their own because I thought of an old painted stone wall overlooking the lake and next to the path leading to the Camp If you just wanted the story to be done with, I understand why I've tried to make several books that just didn't feel finished. I just wanted to know really why you decided to make everything short and brief. The story was great, loved how the story's basically just all the movies grouped into one thing. Great job, and make more books like these.?

Awesome story :D

I liked it, please make another one...well, you may have to because if you lived, then you should fill on with the story since The killer never died. Also, is there a secret ending?