Get your crush!

This storygame was better than I thought it'd be. I think a rating of 2 is a bit harsh, but then again, this isn't exactly a masterpiece either.

At the beginning I was quite impressed because I just happened to make the 'correct' choices and went through the whole thing without dying or otherwise losing. I wrongly assumed that there would be other branches similar to the one I was playing due to the number of links. Turns out most of those links are dead end links (some of which are broken and have no links) which force you into one direction. I do feel that this sort of linear storytelling can work on CYS but this didn't quite cut it. That said, this is far from the worst example of linearity I've seen in interactive fiction and you did give adequate explanations for what happened in the (often outlandish but somewhat amusing) death scenes. The player might enjoy it more if there is more than one way that the story can go.

Your writing style wasn't all that bad at all; fairly enjoyable with very few mistakes. It could have done with more detail, though, and perhaps a bit more set up before diving into the story would have been good. And just general expansion of the story.

The story and characters did feel a bit shallow and lacking. Shallow in both senses of the word: not very well developed as well as being superficial in choices of romantic interests. The latter would be ok if the former was improved, and you could certainly have interesting characters who place a lot of importance on looks. A lot of people in real life are, so you could make it quite realistic.

Overall, this wasn't terrible, for what seems to be your first attempt at a storygame. That said, a bit more time spent on developing lifelike characters and an interesting plot wouldn't hurt.

I'm not sure if you were trying to be sarcastic about the breakfast taco being healthy or not, considering bacon and tortillas are terrible for you. Accuracy in nutrition aside ...

I really did not like this story. Having my breakfast choice automatically kill me on the next page without any real world rhyme or reason is asinine. That's the first of my issues with this game.

The choices you've given us are mundane, like "taco or doughnut" "sit by geeks or pervs" so on and so forth--but if we don't choose the "right" one, it's game over on the next page through some incredibly contrived, poorly executed means of death: "By embarrassment" "heat stroke from wearing a long skirt in-doors" "Heart break because my crush didn't wave at me that one time" "by having a nail filer thrown _into_ my forehead" I could swear you're trying so hard to be funny, as if this is meant to be a parody of a bad high-school story.

The lack of maturity and logic here makes me want to see it as just a joke, but it's -not- one. You want us to believe geeks are gross. Do you realize how -dead- that stereotype is these days? You're beating a horse that was buried years ago and it's not funny anymore. It's pathetic, dated, and sad. If you had something new to say about it, maybe it would be, but you don't. Not to mention, it shows a total lack of self-awareness. By creating an online text "adventure" you're what "those times" considered a geek. If you were clever, you could make a joke out of that fact, but you don't.

Now, I could tolerate the stupidity of the situations better if you weren't forcing us to choose what option -you- want. That's the main problem with how you've structured this. What's the point of giving us choices when every choice but one automatically kills us? Answer: There isn't one.

What's worse is, after the first few choices where you killed me off for picking anything but the "right" answer, you got lazy. You put a "new page" with no links at all and that makes it even more obvious that don't care about giving the reader actual choices. You give us the -illusion- of a choice, which shows that you realize we're suppose to have one... but that's it.

In the end, the only choice you did not punish the reader for making was between Dr. Pepper and Diet Coke, which was a poor consolation for killing me over a single freaking doughnut. You also had a few spelling errors and awkwardly switched between saying "my" and "your" for the character's narration in some scenes.

What disappointed me most, though, was your idea of a conclusion: If I refuse the date at the end, there is no ending at all. It links to the rate and comment option which is very lazy. On the other hand, after all the work of surviving your barrage of insta-deaths, the only reward I get is "Congratulations! You got your crush!! You're some HOT STUFF! "

What? That's it? Even some of the worst romances I've ever read at least said something to the tune of "you lived happily ever after, making lots of babies." That would at least tell me a little about the future. You've done nothing to provide closure, which is usually the point of an ending, unless you're either setting up a cliff-hanger or being a jerk to your readers.

Mind you, I wasn't that disappointed because I wasn't invested in it. I couldn't get attached to any of the characters, even a little. I know nothing about my alleged crush other than that he's "cute", shallow enough to dismiss me if I wear the wrong outfit, inconsiderate enough to just walk into me--his voice somehow has the power to make me puke up a doughnut and die, and he likes Dr. Pepper. So. Nothing that makes him even remotely interesting or unique as a person. (Except maybe the killing power of his voice. That's actually kind of cool.)

I know nothing about my character other than that she's shallow enough to like someone because of looks alone, is incredibly prone to the most bizarre deaths, has a thing against geeks for no reason ... is a -liar-, because you made me tell a man-crazed bimbo that her 'slutty' outfit was cute ... and, oh, she can sing. Well, whoop-de-freaking-do.

I will say that, based on how this story lacks depth, realism, or a real atmosphere, I've been given the strong impression that you're not in high-school. You sound like someone whose seen tv shows about the subject--bad ones--but hasn't been there because you're too young. I'm betting you lack life experience--not just in high-school, but in romance, too.

Listen, kiddo, if you're going to write about something, write about what you -know-. I'm not saying you have to be a wizard to write about magic, but show a little passion for the subject matter. Delve into it. Make a big, wide world with your stories that has more pathways and adventures and -substance-, not this linear, one-note piece of shallowness.

Hey, so I liked it, but I wanted more choices, and for it to not be so harsh, like when I chose a donut. I need a treat every now and then T-T. I think that's all. Not my choice, but definitely for someone else who likes it. :)

it was alright needs more spice and why would i die if i see hime look at me and i was whering somthing ok

this was olk i wish i could be a little bit longer and more hot stuff and im the mean girl and popular and i cant find a man until i go to a party and get drunk and he brings me home a we fall in love

The club isn't the best place to find a lover
So the bar is where I go
Me and my friends at the table doing shots
Drinking fast and then we talk slow
Come over and start up a conversation with just me
And trust me I'll give it a chance now
Take my hand, stop, put Van the Man on the jukebox
And then we start to dance, and now I'm singing like
Girl, you know I want your love
Your love was handmade for somebody like me
Come on now, follow my lead
I may be crazy, don't mind me
Say, boy, let's not talk too much
Grab on my waist and put that body on me
Come on now, follow my lead
Come, come on now, follow my lead
I'm in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I'm in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I'm in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I'm in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I'm in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I'm in love with your body
Every day discovering something brand new
I'm in love with the shape of you
One week in we let the story begin
We're going out on our first date
You and me are thrifty, so go all you can eat
Fill up your bag and I fill up a plate
We talk for hours and hours about the sweet and the sour
And how your family is doing okay
Leave and get in a taxi, then kiss in the backseat
Tell the driver make the radio play, and I'm singing like
Girl, you know I want your love
Your love was handmade for somebody like me
Come on now, follow my lead
I may be crazy, don't mind me
Say, boy, let's not talk too much
Grab on my waist and put that body on me
Come on now, follow my lead
Come, come on now, follow my lead
I'm in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I'm in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I'm in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I'm in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I'm in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I'm in love with your body
Every day discovering something brand new
I'm in love with the shape of you
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
I'm in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I'm in love with your body
Last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I'm in love with your body
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
I'm in love with your body
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
I'm in love with your body
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
I'm in love with your body
Every day discovering something brand new
I'm in love with the shape of you

Good, but too short not enough content. Good though!

This was pretty fun, but I would like it id there were more free choices and you were allowed to design your own characters and pick your own names. Also, I would prefer it if all the choices had their own GOOD outcome, instead of the player dying every time. If you ask me, it’s pretty dramatic... but I guess it’s alright ??

Cute, but I don't like dying?!?!?

Meh.