Graves

Wow. This has the makings of a great short horror, and I got goosebumps when the hand showed up and at the end. It's not much of a CYOA, though, as there are few paths that lead to different outcomes, and when they do, it's only at the end of the story that they appear. There are no distinctly different paths in the game. That is the big complaint some of the other reviewers mentioned.

The scene you paint is vivid, and the characters and dialog are good. Bolding all the dialog (except one you missed) looks like an attempt to make it easier to read, possibly, but I think it's not necessary. Spelling looked fine to me, but there are places where the grammar could be spruced up, or sentences made to flow better.

There are two "vanishing menus", namely when you're locked in the room looking for things to do, and when you're in Yonderland deciding where to go. Everything you try to do ends up returning you to the one true choice, which is definitely hurting readthroughs. When the hand appears, there are also three choices that all express surprise. It looks nice in theory, but a lot of people like to run through every branch and it creates a little tedium clicking on links and returning. I'd veer away from these patterns in the future (especially the first one).

Despite the story being linear, it packs a neat punch for its size and is still worth a 5/8 from me.

Man, this was WEIRD. I didn't pay much attention to it when it was published because at a glance it looked like just another angsty teen story about mean parents. But then it took a sudden turn for the bizarre and before I knew it I was sitting in a closet with a talking severed hand that was trying to convince me to kill my dad.

Now, as you said, it is a little rough. It could definitely have used some more proofreading, it was a kinda sloppy as far punctuation etc. (You should read Gower's article on dialogue punctuation for one thing: http://chooseyourstory.com/help/articles/article.aspx?ArticleId=4309)

And it felt like you were running out of steam by the time the story got to Yonderland. I saw several choices and was looking forward to exploring and finding more creepy mysterious stuff, but there was almost no detail for any of them and really only two possible outcomes.

I did eventually find the good ending, but that felt like another missed opportunity. I would've liked to ask some questions about just what was going on. I enjoyed what was here, it was refreshing to come across something so different, but this feels like a rough draft that could easily have been polished more and twice the length.

Really looking forward to reading future stories from you however, for a first effort this was pretty impressive.

Graves is a short story that is linear compared to other storygames, but tells its story well. Its writing is pleasant to read, and its narrative never wavers.

However, my main grievance with Graves is its linearity. Of course, this is made up for by the masterful quality of the writing, but the meaninglessness of most choices is frustrating. This, combined with the unskippable and lengthy process of checking everything in your room before continuing is also tedious.

There is little to say on the plot itself, though it is evident Brazensky gave every attention to detail in Graves. While there is little-to-no impact made by the choices, you are able to get up to 3 different endings. The endings, like the story itself, are well written, and pleasantly formatted. Within these three endings are opportunities to learn more about the internal lore of Graves, which is definitely worth the multiple playthroughs.

When discussing Grave's characters, it is easy to say this is my favorite aspect of the story. They are true to themselves--as in, they don't suddenly make a drastic unwarranted change halfway through--and they all are, to a degree, relatable.

All in all, this story is small and linear, but most certainly worth several readings. The linearity and formatting of the choices can be frustrating at times and annoying at others, but even with that in mind, this storygame is easily one of the best I have read in terms of sheer story-telling.

its actually ok

Good premise. Some endings not clear.

It was a bit gory and only really had 3 endings. I managed to get the good ending, but I feel like it could have had more story to it. That being said, I did enjoy this.

i really like the story! you did an amazing job!

Holy shiz. That was amazing!

Not bad, an odd story perhaps but imaginative and intriguing. I don't know why you put all the speech in bold, that was a bit distracting. A lot of the choices in the story (like "friend" or "friend...?") were more or less the same thing and didn't really seem to branch out, after a page or two they just shunted me back onto the main path and the only real branch seemed to be at the end.

There was some odd misuse of words (since when is "whatever" a quip?) and the initial premise didn't really seem to go too far or develop too much, my impression is that it was planned within specific limits or written in a short amount of time. The writing was pretty decent though and by taking on more challenging stories you should really be able to show off what you can do :)

Also, I'm not sure how the title fits into the story. Like I said, a bit of an odd one.

It is not bad at all for a first game. But it feels really linear there are not real branches. I think that started with the scene where the mother never come back and then jump to the present would have made a more powerful narrative The Despair world needs a overhaul and have real choices and not all the choices being fake.