Ocean Adventure

Initial thoughts: You really forced me to read every typo you wrote for me to finish the game?! Fuck off!

This shit was incredibly boring. The only good thing about it was the scripting, which was well done. If you are going to make a story and force the reader to go through every part of it, you'd better make god damned sure you wrote something worth reading all the way through. This was not it.

First off, Jesus Christ learn how to fucking proofread! there were easily catchable spelling mistakes in here. How do you not catch a typo in the FIRST FUCKING PAGE!? The writing is also so damn clunky. It's like you slapped a few sentences together that were just coherent enough to be passable and called it a day. Your punctuation needs an overhaul as well. This reads like baby's first book, and I hate it with all of my being for the simple fact that even a baby could write more competently.

Secondly, why the hell do we start in the ocean already? Why did you make the extra step that we need to go up to the boat and meet this lazy piece of shit Pete? He adds absolutely nothing to the plot except to ask you if you got the fucking treasure yet. Then you have the GALL to try to make me feel bad when I find the treasure and don't share it with him. FUCK YOU PETE! YOU DID JACK SHIT! There is nothing of value to read here. You start in the ocean, you get out of the ocean, you go back in the ocean, you swim around a reef, you kill some sharks, you kill or scare off a squid, you find the treasure, the end. LAME.

That leads me to a bit of a side tangent. Squid don't just randomly shoot ink in the water. They don't do it to hunt. They use it to escape. If there is squid ink in the water, that fucker bolted a while ago. They can't even see through their own ink. They just shoot and hope to god they get away from whatever scared or chased them. Also, a flashlight isn't going to do diddly squat if you swim through it you fucking moron. It isn't nighttime.

The scripting is basically the American cheese on this shitburger of a storygame. The worst kind of cheese trying to conceal an inedible mess. It forces you to read everything. Every link otherwise is a restart. Honestly horrible design. I hate you. So much.

4/8

I definitely would have liked a bit more detail in the very first page...and it seemed a bit strange to me to start the story in the ocean, when you then have to return to the boat to collect gear...otherwise you end up getting killed, or failing to find the treasure. I would suggest starting out the storygame on the boat, and perhaps giving a bit more detail about the character and why they're looking for the treasure...or, more accurately, what brought them to this area.

I wasn't able to find the treasure in the end, even though I think I explored most of the reef. I liked the fact that the spear gun could be used at various points; I don't know how much I could use the underwater flashlight, as it only seemed to work to light up the squid making the water dark.

I did feel a little bad about using the spear gun on both the sharks and the squid, but there didn't seem to be any way other than using the spear gun...however, as I said, I was still unable to find the treasure, and I ended up dying most of the time. I would have liked a few more clues about the right way to go to find the treasure in the narration.

There were some very good aspects to this storygame, but I do think there could be improvements. But thank you so much for creating and sharing!

This had a weak start (typo on the very first page) but after you start using the items it becomes rather immersive, somehow. Short and simple and quite fun to play through.

At first, I thought the spear gun was a red herring - until I'd realised that you're scripted it so that the player has to check the entire reef. That's pretty neat, it ensures that they see everything the game has to offer, but also makes it a little linear. Also, I'm pretty sure a giant squid wouldn't be fended off with a mere flashlight.

You also failed to make me feel guilty for keeping all the treasure for myself. I fought a dangerous shark , defeated a squid with a flashlight and so I deserve this treasure lying at the bottom of the ocean. None of these friends did a thing to help out.

Overall, a short and basic game with some nice scripting which could benefit from some more content.

4/8
Seemed like a good idea, but poorly executed in my opinion. There items could have images on them. Horrible job keeping the reader hooked.

I like the story and how well it was made =)

This relic of a storygame is a great way to see the improvement of the site in the 20 years it's been up, because it's complete dogshit, but it was featured at some point.

As far as short stories with absolutely no effort go... This one was pretty enjoyable.

I do have to wonder, why the hell would the diver just be swimming around without his gear? You'd think he'd of grabbed that stuff before he jumped out of the boat.

Scripting was decent. Would've been nice if there were actual images for the items instead of just the generic loot bag, but for something that took me five minutes to complete, it was a decent waste of time.

Cute short story!

It was a fun, nice little ride. Would have wished it to be longer, and not have only one ending.

I couldn't beat it at first bot then I got it