Phoenix Whip

This game certainly was a trip. It left me confused and stunned when I hit the "end game" button, and it was an entirely new, exhilarating way to experience that feeling. It was like I had been introduced to several different worlds in playing through a singular storyline. It subverted everything I expected and surpassed in quality what it did end up presenting me with.

With such a diverse setting, I found it easy to get lost, yet easier to get drawn back in. Every choice I made served to send me deeper down a rabbit hole of twists and turns; a world (or perhaps universe?) in constant change that only served to heighten the already thrilling story. Just as I began to grasp onto some semblance of understanding, the game would rip it out of my hands with a devilish grin and flip my whole adventure on its head and kick me in the other direction. This kept me guessing at what was to come next and drove me to seek out a conclusion right up until it landed in my lap.
I must say, the ending came as a surprise. I wasn't entirely sure it had ended, as the story hadn't slowed down in the slightest towards the conclusion. I remember thinking to myself, "Is that really the end? So soon?" And it was. However, this game being shorter in nature only lends itself to the most interesting aspects of the story and what I have mentioned before. I didn't feel cheated in the slightest as I slowly came to understand that this wild ride had come to an end.


Thanks for making such a unique story, it was a joy to run through.

The grammar of the story can be forgiven considering the fact that it was written by an ESL speaker, so I won't say much on that matter.

Phoenix Whip is an interesting dystopian story. Its plot is also unique--so much so that even writing a review for this storygame is an effort.

The plot is, by far, this story's strongest point. There is the issue of certain choices being completely meaningless, but this is explained near the end of the story. However, there are aspects of the plot that are never explained--and though most of them are relatively minor details, the lack of understanding can be frustrating.

The characters, as later explained by the plot, are shallow. Sadly, this also applies to the protagonist, who, for the most part, does not apply to the laws of the plot--not for most of the story, anyway.

The settings vary wildly and switch suddenly, which makes it difficult to keep track of. However, attention to detail is given in every setting--and though the setting could switch at the drop of a hat, you are not left to wonder what the new current place looks like.

All in all, this story is good--the plot is great, and this story actually has better grammar than some of the stories I have seen written by native English speakers. The story itself is, in a way, thought-provoking, and is definitely worth reading.

I really feel sticking more dystopian would serve you better. I feel like this just veered off too much. But take the world you were starting to build and build that world fully then bring in some characters and I think you have the talent to write a great story.

that was cool

Hmm, this is quite an interesting read, there's quite a lot of information, and has one of the most unique plots. Good job, Mara.

Good story

Poison_mara certainly has a talent for describing imaginative new worlds and disturbing situations. And at time her characterizations, delivered in two-line powerpacks of descriptive prose, are bizarrely off the wall (in a good way). Case in point: the "computerized voice that sounds like a porn actress with bronchitis." I'll bet no one will look at Siri the same way again....

This is a relatively short storygame, although Mara has packed a lot of narrative within these 12,000 words. Very much worth the read.

I really enjoyed this! It has great content and is mostly very well written. I say mostly because, although I can tell you are a talented writer, there were a couple of sections that felt a little rushed (as I Will11 was getting at). Overall though, it was wonderfully weird (just as sci-fi should be) and altogether a great story.

I don't think many members have written so many stories in such a short space of time and of such good quality too :D With strong writing and a creative and imaginative storyline I am beginning to think of this as "your style" and certainly you seem to have a gift for out-of-the-box settings and plots. Your characters and situations are always realistic and compelling and I thought this was a really good story :) Be careful of writing too much too quickly though as the quality may deteriorate as has happened to some writers in the past (particularly fan fiction writers for some reason). This story was great though :D