Reborn

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, beware of a multitude of spoilers. Please read the storygame first, I promise you will not regret it.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

I like the ominous tone of the description. It introduces the protagonist and the town well. For some reason, I thought the line “sleepy and independent” referred to the protagonist at first, only to realize I might be the sleepy one here. Jokes aside, this blurb creates a strong first impression, as it illustrates the main conflict and foreshadows the journey the protagonist would undergo. Having 24 endings indicates an impressive amount of branching, too.

The words ‘one last adventure’ and ‘nothing to be afraid of’ creates a sense of unease, followed by the reader being thrown in media res. The suspenseful descriptions are effective. I really like the use of cumulative sentences. For example, this line: “a firm voice cuts through the downpour of rain, three figures attempting to navigate their way through the storm- with you being one of them, leading the group with your heart in your throat.” Each comma separates a new detail, relevant to the story, painting a clearer picture of the scene and the mood, with the last one—using the recency rule in psychology—delivering the most impactful statement. This is employed several times throughout the narrative, very effectively, though I must refrain from making this review a copy-paste of the many well-written sentences in the story.

Dialogue is realistic and emotional. The protagonist’s inner conflict seems to be represented by the external words of two members in the group—one led by morals and emotion, the other by survival and logic. This reminds me of a piece of writing advice I heard a while back: when painting an egg, rather than attempting to use a white colored pencil, use yellow and gray for the light around it and the shadow it casts. Essentially, instead of focusing on the character’s pain directly, show the effect it has on them. This story does it very well.

I love the last line of the first page. It shows that the protagonist believes she is responsible for his death, though she cannot bring herself to go back for him. This belief would probably cause ripples throughout the rest of the story.

WRITING STYLE & SETTING

From the start of the story, there were many little hints that something terrible would happen soon. For instance, when the protagonist introduces a woman with children to the town, she speaks to her “knowing that this woman made a very, very grave mistake moving them here”. Then they converse about the Beast, the safety protocol, and other important matters.

It makes sense that the woman is hesitant to believe the protagonist about the monster. In that scene, she represents any normal person who would react with ordinary skepticism. Yet, readers know that this is no laughing matter due to the previous flashback.

The town is characterized by lack. The beer is ‘crappy’ but that’s all they have; the library selection is limited with few new books.

(Spoilers in this paragraph) The way the scream was described is spine-chilling: “It has hints of humanity in it, but in a terrible and twisted way, like something much more sinister attempting to emulate the voice of a man.” Already, I’m envisioning the Beast being like a man but not quite, maybe in a way where the body horror prompt applies. It doesn’t shy away from gruesome descriptions of the beast. It is “grossly unnatural” and “freakishly skinny”—the word choice shows how odd it is in general. Good description, as I could envision this. The scariest part about the beast is how human-like it is, from the scream to the way it tries to say words. I might venture a guess that the beast is their friend they abandoned in the woods long ago, transformed into something supernatural.

For a story this size, proofreading was exceptionally done. There were barely any errors aside a lack of space between some paragraphs, and a few instances of comma splices: “Even throughout her mental lows, she's never struck you as someone dangerous to be around, but others in town have reported otherwise, violent reactions if they dared to even step onto her property.” On the recruitment page, I caught a typo: ‘seem’ instead of ‘seen’. The page after that has a random incomplete sentence: “If it's too”.

One of the story's many strengths is how well it stretches out suspense. For example, the main unanswered question—what’s the story behind the house—is prolonged for as long as possible. I felt like screaming at the protagonist to do something instead of looking around, describing the interior furnishings and picking up random items. I'll attribute this to expert pacing and reveal of information. Just as one question is answered, another is raised. The reader's curiosity is never satisfied.

The whole time, the house had quite an eerie feel, with the lack of lights, lack of plausible explanation for its existence, and the careful choice of diction. The place is ‘impressive’ and ‘expensive looking’, but also ‘lifeless’ and ‘completely alone’. The narrator is constantly on edge, and as a result, so is the reader. Great way of setting the atmosphere.

“What you see is as confusing as it is unsettling”. Yes, this describes the whole path I've been reading so far (but in a positive way; one that showcases Sherb’s mastery of the language).

“Stacked perfectly and completely unscathed” This reminds me of that writing advice where over-describing something makes it uncanny.

“Perhaps it's the silence, the moonlight just barely creeping through the curtained windows, the fact that everything here looks completely untouched…” Love this line. See, this is a great example of how to use ellipses well.

Slight nitpick: the description seems kind of repetitive after the line “it looks like it should be in use, but it's simply... not.” as the next few lines say the same thing in different words here, e.g ‘lacks a soul’, ‘inexplicably empty’, and so on. I can’t tell if it’s deliberately done to stretch suspense or not. Maybe I’m just so invested I want to know what’s happening.

The description of Cassie’s transformation is truly frightening, as I can imagine it so clearly and I can’t think of a better execution of the body horror prompt. The best part is how it isn’t all delivered at once—there’s the foreshadowing of her appearance changing at the start, then the unnatural discoloration of her skin and veins, followed by her head twitches, and finally, more and more changes as she chases the protagonist. Not just through sight—sound is also engaged through bones crunching and her hissing like a snake. Now there are two monsters; my theory about the other one's identity looking more probable.

The rest of the story was equally as well-written, with a number of haunting, creepy settings (the most memorable ones being the abandoned facility and shadowy mirror realm). Something about the way these places were written makes me glad I decided to continue reading this story first thing in the morning.

I'll also note the amount of attention to detail and effort put into the death scenes. All too often, I'll see stories where death endings are just cut short—which isn't a bad thing, seeing as they're not usually the most relevant to the larger story—but this was refreshing to see.

CHARACTERS & PLOT

The protagonist appears to be haunted by that fateful moment in the forest years ago. During the day, she copes through various forms of escapism—from drinking alcohol to reading—but in the night, she does everything she can to avoid a repeat of the moment years ago. The first choice reflects the viewpoints of her two friends that were with her in the forest: bravery vs cowardice, self-sacrifice vs self-preservation. It appears the former is rewarded this time, despite how she states the opposite usually occurs.

She recognises the futility of the situation. Even though the family “did everything right”, the beast still got to them. Leaving or staying results in death; one just comes quicker than the other. In a way, that’s a horror story in itself, knowing that no matter what you do or how hard you try, you’ll meet the same horrible, inescapable fate.

The frantic “Nonononono” and “please calm yourself” of the mayor made me chuckle.

Eddie's dialogue felt realistic, with filler words and hesitance, and it shows he also thinks that it’s his fault for what happened to Corey. Neither of them can accept his death and both feel burdened by it.

There was foreshadowing through the vision, a potential call to action through the hunting group, and the desire to prevent repeating past mistakes. Also, when she shoots it, the beast is angry but does not attack her—does this foreshadow my previous guess?

As the story uses the cave-of-time branching, I plan to explore every path, starting with visiting Cassie's mansion. Every detail points towards its existence being impossible. The protagonist's favorite food and words in red add to the fearful anticipation. Not to mention that the protagonist’s name is everywhere. What is happening? Then, the replica of the game room and their band instruments. Did someone spy on them? What truly happened that night? Is this the creation of one of them? Oh, the suspense is killing me!

Throughout the exploration of the house, there are constant warnings about every choice you make to explore the house further: “Something about it just doesn't feel okay…”

The protagonist’s curiosity vs fear is something that the reader experiences too. She also faces lots of reminders about her past. There's nostalgia mixed with sadness at what happened to destroy this friendship.

Eventually, we get one answer: the house was built based on a drawing Cassie made long ago. But it still leaves a lot more unanswered questions, starting with how it came into existence based on that drawing.

In the path to pick up the book, the protagonist gets the same choice as the past; another parallel—save yourself, or save Cassie. If you escape by yourself, the protagonist ends up in despair. But staying doesn't work either. It was a rather emotional ending of dying with Cassie. Her dialogue made it so—the confusion, words said to seemingly different people, nearly on the edge of insanity. The part where she mentioned the best case scenario being dying at the same time was morbid, but I remember saying that once to my family members about how it’s the only way to ensure neither would feel the loss of losing the other. This makes sense given their characterization, as the other loss impacted them so greatly. But at the end, they die good friends, together.

Cassie and Rebecca are character foils. The former represents optimism, while the latter represents pessimism. But both of them are stuck in the past, seeking escape from reality. In a way, they symbolize the stages of grief-Cassie in denial and Rebecca in depression. But both use bargaining: Cassie thinks she can bring her back to life, whereas Rebecca saves other people from the Beast as a way to atone for the past. This is why the best endings result in them finally finding acceptance.

I knew it! Corey is the monster in the woods. That’s why he couldn’t kill Rebecca and hence the humanoid descriptions.

Choosing whether to stop Cassie or agree with her seems like that previous choice again, where she wanted to go back for Corey. There's strong characterization. Just like many years ago, she is willing to risk her health and even her life to save him. And Rebecca has always been the more realistic one, though she was also torn between survival and saving her friend. While Cassie's rationale seems quite childish, clinging onto the notion of that happily-ever-after long ago, it’s also believable given her characterisation and the events that happened long ago.

Another choice to kill the beast at the cost of yourself. This reveals the truth of his death and how he died. Ohh no wonder the Beast's neck is so weird, it’s because he snapped his neck when he fell.

The part where the beast is getting killed is painful to watch. Especially now we know it’s Corey, who never deserved this fate, yet is still tormented due to it. But I like the bittersweet ‘Best of Friends’ ending. Cassie tells Rebecca she looked out for Corey, and for the first time, she accepts this compliment. The simple phrase “It feels rather peaceful now” is extra meaningful now that she has finally overcome the burden and guilt of the past by freeing him from his monstrous state. Furthermore, Cassie makes peace with the fact that although things didn’t turn out exactly as she wanted, she still has a great friend in Rebecca.

Nitpick: more characterization of the friendship would have been better. Although we know they formed a band together and were a close-knit group, perhaps interweaving more flashbacks/ moments where they rely on each other or supported one another through tough times might have made Cassie’s behavior more realistic. It's a bit hard to believe in their friendship if the death of a friend completely distanced them from one another for years, rather than them helping each other overcome their grief.

Each path reveals more and more information about the story and the forces at play. For example, the experiment files tell us about the monsters in the cave. And the part about the book tells us more about why Cassie was so affected. The way they were written makes it not seem like an infodump and by that point I was so immersed in the story I didn't notice.

I enjoyed the path with Kayla and her beast-like father. Surprisingly, she’s actually quite nice despite killing people and eating them. The part about the importance of life felt thematic.

Ohhh there are three books, which explains why there's one in the mirror and another with Cassie. And this confirms that Eddie gave it to her.

I don’t agree with the other comment on this storygame that says not much info is provided about the beast which killed Corey. There was a whole path that explained its existence, after all.

The last ending I found was also one of the happiest. It answered the final questions I had about the facility, explained the curse behind all curses, and gave the protagonist closure by allowing her to return to the cave and save someone else from the monster which killed her friend. It is also fitting this was the last branch I explored, as the part about Cassie returning and being completely normal would not have made sense if it weren't for the previous paths I explored (where she was affected by the same curse). Due to this, the happily ever after felt earned.

The character profiles at the end shows just how much work has gone into the entire story, if the massive well-written story is not enough indication. I recommend everyone reading this review to read Reborn. Even if you've read it before, read it again.

It's been quite some time since I've rated something 8/8, and I'm happy to say this definitely deserves that rating.

I didn’t initially start off that impressed with the storygame. It was massive, so for its scope and competency I probably would’ve always rated it an 8, even if it was nothing special. But I was wrong, and this story has made me reconsider my views on what I like in a storygame. I want to get all my thoughts on this story out, so if you haven’t read it, massive spoilers for the entire game. I’ve read through all the endings, might’ve missed a death or two because I didn’t track those, and I believe that reading through all the endings is the only way to really get the most out of this story. Each path is good on its own, but there’s a lot you’ll miss by only getting a few endings. I’m going to start by reviewing the pieces of the game as I came across them at the time, and then I’m going to go into more general thoughts.

So first I went down what I assume is the facility 3 path. Not really sure if it is facility 3 or not. I’m actually really glad I went down this path first, even though I don’t think it’s the main one. I thought the preamble was pretty decent, though the village boys aren’t that memorable. Fields is okay I guess, I don’t like him that much but he is a character with a little depth. I think there’s only a few character in this game that I think have really solid characterization, one being Rebecca and the other few being in different paths. But that’s okay, not every story has to hit it out of the park in every area.

I like the lore that’s sprinkled around the facility. First being the human growth experiments, which is nice set up. I think I realized after reading that the monster that killed Corey and is roaming the facility is one of those, and different from the beast. Then you see a little about facility 3’s relationship to facility 2 and the set up for the books. All of this lore and stuff is my favorite, I really like it. And then you get some lore about how Cassie has the book, and I haven’t met Cassie at all at this point. And apparently Eddie gave it to her? I don’t think that’s explored at all, the fact that Eddie gave Cassie the book that created the beast, but I assume that contributes to his guilt a lot, if he even knows that’s where the beast came from.

So after killing the monster and stuff there’s the purity wing. Now this is part of the story I don’t understand. There’s all this stuff with the mother who has a deformity and the baby, but there’s no other reference to it in the story. Now, in the description it says that this story contains references to Warden and Monster, so I have to assume that this is a reference to Monster, since I’ve read the Warden and it’s very clear where that’s referenced, but I haven’t read Monster.

Now about the night mother. There’s no way she goes so long without being killed. The justification is that the button operator was spiteful so why should he correct the company's mistake. The only problem with that is presumably if he killed the night mother then the monsters beating down his door would cease to be. So he’d get to keep his life. The only rational I see is that he knew if he killed the night mother the company would kill him for insubordination, which is fair I guess. The company itself could also press the button after facility 3 fell, but I see why they wouldn’t want to risk destroying the books.

Now the endings for this path are pretty decent. I think my “canon” ending based on my natural choices is the fame and fortune ending, and I like the other ending. Going back I picked up the other bad and neutral endings that stemmed from “go on the hunt” choice, and I got to say I don’t think this is the main path of the story. But I like that I did it first, because knowing more about the lore from exploring facility 3 put a lot in context. I expected more from the “go with Eddie” choice though. His character as a whole isn’t very well explored, but again that’s fine with me. Because the intrigue here is about the world and lore for me, and less so the characters.

Now as far as the “Go to Cassie’s” path, I am so glad that I went to facility 5 before Cassie’s house. Because I genuinely think it would’ve been a much worse experience if I hadn’t. But more on that in a bit, I think in general it’s cool to see an active facility is still around after facility 3 is just ruins. Side note, facility 3 must’ve got exterminated relatively recently, since they had to have given Cassie the book 3 years ago, so the monster that Rebecca sees before she drops was there ten years ago, long before facility 3 got exterminated. Anyway, I like reading the little text entries, and at the time I didn’t even notice that the mirror entry was talking about Warden, which is a cool reveal.

I went down the mirror path first, not realizing that the cafeteria path is a short one. And I have to say, Kayla is my favorite character in this game. She is characterized so well, and her and Rebecca are the main two characters that I feel attached to, maybe Cassie but not so much. I first did the path where you eat dinner with Kayla, missing the prisoner path entirely until I went to search for the three endings I was missing. I really like this portion of the game, and love just spending time with Kayla. My main gripe is that after this you go to Cassie’s house, and you could’ve gone there from the start. But if you went there straight away then you would’ve missed the entire mirror world, and it would be way worse. Also there’s no way a player that went to Cassie’s house first who was looking for all the endings would think that they had to go to cassie’s house through the mirror world to get one of them, I’m talking about the endings where Cassie stays as a monster in the mirror realm. I’m not sure that you can get void of life any other way.

Either way, I like the stuff with the house. I did the attic stuff first and then the basement. The reveal that Corey was the monster gave me chills, especially since I had read like 60% of the story at that point and had no idea. One thing I wish we saw more of was Ethan, he was kind of just a random guy in one of the good endings. And I still don’t know why Corey didn’t get revived when the ritual went bad. I feel like he should’ve been, though that would be bad for the message of the story. Though I thought it was really clever, the one ending where the bloodstains messed up the ritual.

That mostly summed up my experience, I liked the other endings, like the experimentation ones. I feel rewarded for reading Warden, and I’m glad that’s the one with the big cameo. Like I said, the characterization I feel is one of the weaker points, I felt Rebeca and Kayla were done amazingly, and Cassie was pretty good. Eddie was okay, we don’t see a lot of him.

One thing I typically don’t like that this story does is rebranching and having choices that don’t matter at all. But it’s done well here, a lot of things are just for flavor and it’s fine. I like that the endings were numbered and I could keep track of how many I got and how many were left. If I didn’t know how many endings there were I don’t know that I’d finish the game, since I hate the feeling that I didn’t explore everything, and I wouldn’t know if I had or not due to all the rebranching.

Overall, as I said at the start, this game is a solid 8/8. Sorry if this review was long winded and rambly, I just wanted to get all my thoughts out about this very long game. This is less of a review and more of a collection of all my thoughts about the game. This story was very rewarding to read and explore, and it’s motivated me to want to read more giant stories.

8/8

I know this isn't the first time in a storygame contest where all participants really needed to turn in was a solidly built brick house and somebody turned in an entire cathedral, but this is the first time I read one of those surprise-giant stories all the way through, and I think that says something. In many of these cases, the length can be kind of a ratings crutch. I think people read a little bit of it, get a few endings, assume there's great things that follow, and kind of give the story an A for effort. I don't think that's the case for this game. In fact, as I have listened to sherbet slavishly struggle and flagellate himself to crank out all 102 thousand of these words every day as he was writing this story, there's a certain schadenfreude I take in spending the 3 or 4 mornings that I have done reading this on my phone while eating breakfast and absorbing it all with goblinous glee.

Readers who know Sherbet personally might be surprised that such a virtuous and endearing green creature could contain such things, but sherb actually seems to make a habit of using contest prompts as a flagrant excuse to just kick the horror section's ass without remorse, and now he's come in to beat up everyone and take yet another featured spot in the category. His wholesome and friendly veneer belies the ruthless ongoing campaign of Sherbetification in the horror genre, and I'm afraid at this point that I have no choice but to support it.

If there's one thing I enjoy about Sherbet's horror stories it's that he has the audacity. There's no dancing around the issue, which feels uncommon to me, at least, whose horror media intake usually comes from spooky movies or documentaries about clown rapists. The standard pacing of slowly trickling in strange or uncomfortable things on a bunch of characters is fine, but it's only one way to lend believability to the unreal. Sherbet is fond of cutting loose and doesn't hold the reader's hand when it comes to insane circumstances or surreal concepts. Reality is established not in the lead-up to the horror, but in the depressingly real reactions to it, which allowed Reborn to hook me over and over again. The Beast is a mundane matter to be addressed by firewatch towers and public service pamphlets on the second page. Like any wild danger, it doesn't care whether or not you believe in it, there it always is. This does such a good job of showing, rather than telling, where the rules of engagement are, that everything weird that happens afterward almost feels like it's falling into place rather than sticking out to stir turbulence in the suspension of disbelief.

The world Sherbet establishes pretty instantly, is delightfully sad, rotten, and unromantic, but still with an attention to detail when it comes to the wilderness and the finer points of surviving and traversing it that it remains unambiguously pretty at some points. If this were a story about a monster tormenting a mundane woodland town and the wretched attempts to hunt it down, and that were all it was, it would still be great. But the game takes a poignant psychological turn that takes it a step above and really makes the game really quite something special, everything kind of unfolding like a bad dream. And, much like a bad dream, I was able to feel bitterly nostalgic about an entirely fictitious memory, and share sadness the way a friend does for people that I've never known.

I won't talk about too much more because it's just a good story so there's not a lot more I have to say about it. But anyone trying to get featured in Horror these days is just going to have an increasingly bad time, I'm sorry to say.

the story is so good, but what made this an immersive experience to me was it was actually raining and the environment was dull. its a good story anyone who craves some mystery and horror should definitely play this

I got the ending: Death #9 - A Failed Hunt.

The story is incredibly good! You set up the scene really well, introducing us to Rebecca, Eddie, Cassie and everyone else in the town.

Your writing slowly unfolds this scary and foreboding world. I really enjoyed the choices, there is a lot of branching. This is a very high effort story game, and I'm going to go back and explore more paths. Easy 8/8, really good!

I think Cassie folds way too easily when you argue with her, and it's not questioned in the rest of the story.

I really liked exploring the mansion and how the scene description communicated the atmosphere and horror of the situation. It felt like playing a horror video game, with less beasties I suppose.

The first game I ever played on here and by far the best! It was really enjoyable working out all the different possibilities and I just loved it.

Easier and more predictable than most stories that I have read here but still very entertaining I enjoyed it and would not hesitate to read more! :) One of my favorites so far.

This story is truly engrossing. If you like supernatural content, horror, action, adventure or anything like that you will unconditionally LOVE this. It has so many different endings (that are actually varied) I played it for 6 hours! No spelling or grammar mistakes, characters to root for, fully fleshed out,and reminiscent of H.P. Lovecraft's best works

"a truly captivating story"
-the abgeofriends times