The Annihilation (part one)

Pretty interesting. The action certainly provided a bit of a thrill, but I couldn't help but be confused about certain things. Like why isn't everybody acting more surprised about the fact that there are suddenly killer robots among us? How is it that Aliyah is so good at fighting those robots?

Some more information on certain things would've been appreciated, even if it's just the start of a bigger adventure.

The pictures were rather jarring at times too. I know that some of the scenes were supposed to be serious and dramatic, but the art would sometimes lessen the tone of certain scenes. It didn't detract too much from my enjoyment of everything though.

Overall, this game was pretty decent. The writing wasn't bad and the action scenes were pretty fun, the drawings weren't really my taste, but it's certainly a positive that they were there to accompany the writing.

4/8
My main problems with the story was the art. Overall, some parts were boring.

not that good

Spoilers below.


Despite my criticism, I would like to say you did a very good job in setting the tone of the story. I found the story engaging and mostly well-written.

Characters-3/8
The main character's only personality trait was enjoying violence. The storygame immediately ended if you chose an option like surrendering. It would have been quite a bit better if she was fleshed out more, as a fight is a good situation in which to define a character’s morals.
I also did not understand why she was so overpowered during the fight. I thought it may have been in rage from Marianna’s death, but this possibility isn’t explored.
Even the main character did not seem sad when Marianna died. There needed to be a conversation, some dialogue, anything that showed, instead of told, that Marianna and Main Character were friends.

Setting-2.5/8
The setting was hardly described. The story would have felt a lot fuller and more fleshed out if more time had been spent focused on the character's surroundings.
The backstory was acceptable. America being destroyed and remade into someplace new has been overdone but could still have been good if you had worked it into the plot better. The teacher talking about America becoming Aranthi after World War IV felt more like it was there because the author needed it to be there than an actual history class. Still, I will give you credit for incorporating it into the plot somewhat.

Plot and Grammar-5/8
I only found one grammatical error, and the sentence structure was good. A small issue is that you didn’t have to write “*turn around*”. You could have just written “turn around” and it would have had the same meaning.
The plot was excessively linear. Almost any time choices were offered, one led to death, while the other continued the story. This was the biggest issue that lowered my rating.


The Drawings-1/8
The drawings distracted from the story in multiple ways. First of all, they were not…very well drawn. I don’t think you know how human anatomy works, and I’m not even going to say anything about the hands.
Besides that, you did not include any background in the drawings either, which quite contributes to the problem with there being no descriptions of the background. Also, the blood is neon red.
I think the story would work a lot better if you removed all the drawings.

In all, 4/8.

This story feels like it was written by a bored in class, lonely girl in middle school/highschool.

Also the main character is probably a mary sue. And the um...art...Let's not talk about that.

I've got nothing else to say. Stay away from the garbage folks.

Um, at first I was going to comment to say that the pictures were bad - but then they got REALLY creepy and started to scare me. It's like they were drawn by one of those creepy girls in horror movies who goes on a killing spree. After that I just couldn't concentrate on the story.

Oh, and your writing is good too. That art, though. It scarred me.

Cute story. Benjamin and I survived. {3

Quite short, but the illustrations made it so much more interesting. The plot was ok, although I thought the characters were not described well enough for me to really feel too much for them. But all in all, 5/8. Good job.

I survived with Benjamin! :)

I didn't really like the pictures. They kind of distracted me from the story.