The Capi's Band & the Missing Instruments

I’ll begin with a disclaimer: I’m not a professional writer by any means, nor am I a seasoned reviewer, so do conduct your own research and bear in mind that not everything here may be correct. As for potential readers, beware of spoilers galore.
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From the very beginning, I noticed the warm, cosy atmosphere in your storygame (just like Thara pointed out). The juxtaposition between this and the threatening storm outside really encompasses the main theme of the story: namely, despite the darkness and evil forces that exist in the world, we have the power to create our own sources of comfort and joy. This motif is kind of a recurring theme throughout the narrative.

Whichever choice is chosen, a wholesome scene follows. The next page involves foreshadowing of a more ominous threat. This, in my opinion, raises the stakes a little and creates conflict in a seemingly serene environment. There are a few minor grammatical/ spelling/ proofreading errors in the storygame, but nothing detracts from the immersion so that isn't much of an issue.

“And everything that each person does matters as each drop counts in the flow of the river.” This quote nicely sums up the overall tone of the story. It encourages children to do the right thing, even when it seems inconsequential or insignificant. If I were writing this as an analysis for my English class, I’d probably label this as a significant quote, something which influences the direction of the rest of the story too.

Then we arrive at the gum dilemma. I’m the kind of reader who enjoys seeing parallels in written works, so the parallel between this smaller-scale conflict and the larger mystery is something I find rather intriguing. Here, Coon solves the conflict by letting the victim choose the least unpleasant way to eliminate the problem. This same thing occurs in the final part of the mystery too. Coon gets the capys to choose what song to play, and although the problem isn’t completely eradicated (only half the instruments were found), they still manage to accomplish their goal. It shows that happily ever afters can still exist if not everything goes to plan.

Even on a second read-through, the enthusiasm of the kittens makes me smile. Although archetypes are used in this storygame (e.g. the underdogs, the hero, the bully, etc), the characters are all well characterized without being too complex for young readers. The main characters are also easy to resonate with and root for.

The plot is constantly livened with new potential threats and smaller twists (I didn’t expect them to go to the ice-cream parlour the first time). I’m not sure why, but I was suspicious of the cat in the window-site seat and felt almost sure his flavour would render everyone sick. That, of course, didn’t happen. The imaginative, character-specific similes are really interesting to imagine too. For instance, “the sugary voice of the bright white fur cat stuck to my ears like cotton candy on my whiskers on a fair day”. The title of the page, ‘Calm Time’, made me laugh due to the unexpected theft that subsequently occurred.

This game has a good amount of branching too. On my second playthrough, I decide to go to the warehouse instead, which provides a very different experience from the music academy. Yet, the general tone of the storygame remains the same throughout. This is even more impressive considering that it is written by two different authors.

Whilst writing this review, I tested out the mechanics, and I found the result to be quite satisfying. One of the moral lessons in this storygame is about the importance of kindness. I especially like how ‘the audience stirs’ link would only be triggered if the capybaras help at least one person and the dialogue would depend on who has been helped. Kindness is rewarded too, because the capy team can only win if they help everyone they see on their way.

It probably took a lot of work with variables and scripting to produce the final results, yet the personalization of the final scenes elevates this storygame to a new level. Each choice matters and triggers specific dialogue, depending on whether or not you helped each character.

The losing endings feel a bit anticlimactic, which I suppose is deliberately done to encourage readers to find the winning one. And then I did. After writing a mystery storygame of my own, I know how important a rewarding conclusion is, and this story most certainly delivers. A sense of accomplishment flows through me as I write this, sure that my choices are the right ones.

Overall, this storygame has an uplifting theme, a well-written plot, lively characters and a stunning conclusion. That final plot twist caught me off guard too. If you’ve read through this review before reading the storygame for some absurd reason, scroll back up and click the play button now!

The story was cute, and I liked the moral. The grammar was shaky at times, which made some sections hard to understand.

Another creative endeavor seated alongside Elvis At the Beauty Contest is perfectly welcome! This story treads the same ground as Elvis did, but reveals its hand right away instead of waiting till the end. This story is much more forward with its intent in general, but more on that later.

During the opening sequence the writer(s) made a point to be especially descriptive, and managed to do it without becoming overly wordy. The first few pages were the best in the story. They establish characters and tone for the reader. We'll put a pin in that as well. It shares the strengths and flaws of the last installment, more or less.

-A really well distinguished cast of characters, (Counting the whole band as one character, sort of a Capybara Legion)
Writing reasonably clear of stale or overused phrases.
-An amusing little world for a child's story, having talking animals involved in some kind of vaguely defined conspiracy.
-Colorful language, interestingly colored I should add.

The kittens arrive and I wasn't sure who the audience was anymore. The kittens were saying things like, “Damn you!” and "Haha, not funny, smartass!" But maybe this is the new normal for children's stories. Kids may also know words like "Gesticulate" and "Infallible" these days. Good on them.

The gum subplot didn't seem to serve much purpose in the overall story, but it was funny. It featured my favorite line of dialogue in the series, “...Here, I have a bottle of cannoli oil."

This story did not enjoy quite the same level of editing. Perhaps this story was written more hastily.


While we are on the subject of that page, it also featured this bizarre bit of dialogue: "I'm going to smell like fried chicken!" Mandy cries, not trying too hard to keep quiet in her chair.

"I hope not, sister. Matt loves fried chicken so much that he would devour you!" Miz sassily adds, trying to maintain a poker face.

This is a world with talking animals. The smell of fried chicken sounds terrifying! What about Elvis!? He was a rooster. Would the kittens eat Elvis and his kin? The bright side of this apparent internal inconsistency is that it is very funny. The tone goes all over the place once the old detective begins to spin her tale.

Finally I'd like to point out that for a story about inequality, race, classism and so on, the line, "Thanks, Coon, you're the best!" located so near a line describing the actions of a "black monkey" struck me as very odd. Is that just me? The consistent theme here is that more care should be taken when writing dialogue moving forward. That’s where most of the weaknesses and inconsistencies in the story seem to populate.

Honestly, this was a very wholesome story. I'm pretty impressed that the two of you, Mara and Zake, you both were able to capture a cozy feeling in your writing. I might end up becoming a huge fan of story-games with talking animals that can cook as well as play instruments at this point.

Each and every character had a trait that made them likable, and this story served well in leaving me feeling quite content when I reached the end-game page. Overall, this was a solid story. It has both music and food. Two things that I'm pretty sure everyone likes.

Good work both of you.