The Carnival, Ginny, and I

Well I enjoyed that game, I thought it was a really sweet little young love, coming of age story... But what the hell was up with the ending? So these guys haven't seen each other for 5 years, they're not even dating, even the trip to the carnival doesn't seem like it's supposed to be a date, and he asks her to marry him? That's a creepy guy right there. How about, "I really like you, can I take you out for dinner sometime?" That's a nice place to start right? I mean after meeting an old friend for the first time in five years, most guys don't just use marriage proposals as a way to break the ice.
Also, how the hell did he get the Dad's permission? I imagine that being a weird conversation. "Hi kid, haven't seen you in awhile. What do you want?" "I want to marry your daughter!" "Really? I didn't know you guys were dating." "Well, we're not exactly, I actually haven't seen her for years, but she was my first childhood crush and I just assume she's stayed single this whole time in the hopes that I might come back and propose... Hopefully she grew up to be hot, or else I'll have to lose her in the hall of mirrors and run for my life." "... Well I'm sold! Give me a hug son-in-law!"

Ok, so this story feels incredibly forced, both emotionally and in a linear sense.

The author essentially shoves the reader down the path (s)he wants them to follow. There really isn't much choice involved. And many of the choices that lead to 'End Game' don't make sense. Why would not admitting unmitigated terror of riding the roller coaster lead the player character to a life as a gas station worker? Especially, when the girl already knows the player character hates roller coasters and is terrified of them? Not to mention, there is a one click 'End Game' link. Why even make that a choice then?

As far as the emotions go, I can see and respect what the author is going for, but the execution misses the mark. They just don't really establish a solid flow or meld well into the story. Again, they feel rather heavy handed. The romance and passion of a story should feel natural. The story seems to lack substance, and the characters don't really add much to help this.

There were a few spelling/grammar errors: but nothing particularly glaring.

Now, I know it seems like I'm ripping this story fairly hard, but despite the flaws, I wanted to like it. I really wanted to. The author has the bones of a good story, but the writing needs to be expanded and present the emotional components in a smoother fashion.

good

thank you :)

love the epilogue

Aw, Ginny is an adorable little bean of energy and pure joy.

This storygame is perfect for Valentines' Day and teaching people about how your words and actions toward that particular person can change over time. I read the original ending, and I'm glad you made a new one. Ethan is the nervous boy who wants to be cautious while Ginny is an adventurer and loves taking risks. Two perspectives, one story. Sure, there were some small grammar mistakes, but it's nothing that can't be fixed.

Keep up the good work.

Ohmygod. I loved it! I about cried.

Great job ??

really beautiful story
nice job

Would have liked if it was a bit longer, it was really pulling me in