The Darkness

Umm, well, this was certainly interesting to read. I must say that I'm still rather confused about certain facets of this, as the end somewhat came as a surprise to me. Anyway, there were plenty of grammatical issues that detracted from this story. Glaringly obvious ones at that.

As for the pacing, it didn't really feel like this story had much of a direction, at least to me. I mean it improved towards the end, but I found myself asking questions as I read. Questions that I felt weren't really answered well when I reached the conclusion of this story.

There's plenty of potential here though. I found the supernatural elements to be the most interesting aspect to this story, and I did think that this aspect and the main character's struggle with his power and situation to be showcased well enough in the story.

Still, for all of its potential, the grammar and overall dialogue is quite lacking in this story. I do wish I could be more favorable, but this story's lack of polish is its biggest setback in the end.

This is unrelated to the story but, if you know your game isn't the best then don't post it. Publish good games, not ones you know aren't the best. Also, I don't know how you "accidently" give yourself and 8.

Now to your game.

Not bad for your first attempt.

It had a decent plot, good amount of options, and the descriptions were interesting at times. I kind of liked the powers that the character had as well.

But, you need to break up your paragraphs and sentences. Also, there were grammar errors and you didn't even explain why there were people after me.(I think it was because of my powers but I don't know.)

Keep trying.

4/8

Was a bit overly-edgy at times, but overall a good first story!

It’s really good great job

It's fine

Another one of those old stories rated WAY too highly by site standards now. It's all just an unformatted mess and yes, full of bad grammar and bad punctuation and badly written, all of which the author says he was fully aware of when he published it anyway.

The bad grammar detracted from the story.

Nope, not doin' it again.

Its a good story, might be room for a sequel, good foundation.

The 3 dead bodies were of Penelope, Jackson and the small girl. If you look hard enough then you may find why Jackson went there. :-)