The Lemonade Business 2

Well it was a good idea, but things didn't work out with the writing. The choices weren't even really choices. The reader was forced to choose an option on the very first page. That defeats the purpose of writing on this site, as you could just go and do that on another that isn't about how linear your story is. This needs to be fixed.

Speaking of bad choices, I sold sugar and called it lemonade. I made money from this, and that's just wrong. Things like that are realistic at all, and make no sense in this story. Another thing that doesn't make any sense is the pet store. What's the point? All I did was cuddle a bunny that I wanted to put in my lemonade.

The writing was bad, the story was linear, and I lost interest after the first few pages. It needs a lot of work and proofreading as well, because I caught numerous mistakes that take away from the story. I'll give this a very generous 3/8.

I just played this game and to say the least I am kind of disappointed.

The thing that killed this storygame most was probably the length, which ended way too abruptly. I was hoping for a tycoon sim game, but I got a story where you make lemonade from various ingredients. Although it was sort of amusing to make lemonade out of the different products (cow urine, unicorn feces,) avaliable, it was still very short.

I can see you were trying to use variables and items to manage the story, but in the end, the money didn't necassarily make a difference at all and, again... all you do is make lemonade from various ingrediants (items).

I suggest you do make a Lemonade Business 3, but at least have some sim/RPG aspects embedded, otherwise we are just going to get another linear remake of Lemonade Business 1.

The writing was at least better. However, I personally felt that there were too many exclamation points in the writing (These things: "!").

Lastly, and this isn't a big thing at all, but when you select the choice of making the second ingrediant, it tells you (not actual quote): "Alright, time to make lemonade! Put in your first ingrediant!" This confused me a bit, and I first I thought it was just a loop mistake, so I restarted the process of making the lemonade, and instead put the second ingrediant at the first ingrediant screen (if that makes sense). It told me that I put it in wrong, but I noticed, if you select "put the next ingrediant" and make your lemonade, there is NO way to make the lemonade wrong. There is no certain combination, anything goes pretty much.

I think, if you're just going to make a game about making lemonade out of various ingrediants, you should atleast let the reader know how exactly it tasted, based off the ingrediants instead of giving us a "Good" or "Interesting" option and then "Everyone loves your new recipe!" You don't have to tell us what the customers thought it tasted, just what it tasted to the protaganist. That could have probably added onto it and made it a little more amusing.

3/8.

Awesome make number 3

Pretty short. Kinda fun though. I love the random items at the store. I mean, who doesn't want $10 of unicorn poop?

wow

I enjoyed how It made me think about lemons.

Ummm, so I sold cow urine and unicorn feces flavored lemonade and got the good ending? Something ain’t right about this.

I see you were trying to use the variables and make the ending unique but it’s ok that it didn’t work I don’t really understand it either.

You mainly needed to work on the coding part and the story was kind of linear.

This storygame was actually pretty good considering its length, and I was about to rate it a 4 or 5 when I read this: "This game is supposed to be cute and funny so please rate it as so" Now I have rated it a 3 because that is a form of begging the reader to rate the story high, and I am not rating a story higher than a 4 if they are begging for higher ratings.

Honestly, I really liked the simple premise of this game, and I think you could've done a lot better with it just by expanding on it a little. You got the use of items down. We successfully made our lemonade... And then the game ends.

Shouldn't we be selling our lemonade now? Buying more ingredients to make more lemonade? Improving our recipe? Hiring more workers to sell more lemonade, paying for advertisements to promote our lemonade? Growing our own lemon tree? Starring in the famous porno, "Lemon Stealing Whores?" I really think you've underestimated just how much you can achieve with lemonade... Still, it was fun while it lasted. ^_^

first better