WORST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!

That was, well, something I guess. Two clicks in and it was over for me on the first readthrough. I’m not necessarily opposed to quick deaths, but this one wasn’t even predicted. If you’re going to have a quick end game link, you should probably give the reader some kind of clue that the choice they’re about to take will lead to death. That way they can still choose it, but they might be informed.

Beyond that the story is really, really random. I get that there was a time on this site when the utter randomness stories were favored, but this one really doesn’t even make sense many times. Potential authors today, please take note of this story and do not follow its lead. Many pages are very short and have just enough detail to tell you about the insanity that might be the next page. There is some decent writing in the story, there’s just not really enough story to allow this one to stand on its own.a

That was pretty enjoyable, but taking into account the length and amount of words in each page, it could be much, much better. There's only about two sentences for each page, and they really need to be lengthened and structured.

At the start of the story, the "worst day of your life", the actual title of the story, has already happened. Coming in, I expected to actually experience it, so that needs to fixed. (Or change the title according to how the story goes).

One of my biggest peeves in any storygame is dying after clicking one or two links. I think I prefer Mizal's method of starting off a storygame with a few pages of background and story development, which is important and neccessary in every story. It is also something that this one lacks, so that needs to be fixed immediately.

The random events happening that are unusual in the normal society seems to be the way most new authors tend to lean toward in terms of humor in their storygames. This is a mistake. It can be funny at first, but it loses its luster once it becomes a normal thing. The new ideas of humor need to be reviewed and revised.

The writing is typical of an up and coming author, which in other words means it needs to be improved. Every author knows that no matter how well you write, there is still more room for improvement. Reading through the articles and the featured stories on the site is an excellent way of improving writing ability, along with just browsing through the storygames of EndMaster, one of the top writers on the site.

With a carefully chosen update, this could be much better and a nice story to add to the site in the whole. Fixing up the grammar and spelling will also aid you, since there are a few mistakes here that can be easily found and fixed.

3/8

hahahaha

3 words.
I. LOVE. THIS.
What's up with all the 0 scores? Steve coming in with assault rifle caught me SUPER off-guard. I guess people have really different ideals.

super weird and random

This was.... strange. I didn’t like it much.

It was amazing, I loved it.I haven't laughed that much for a story game ever

This story was so random, it was actually decent. I want a sequel to this or something cause this is really good.

The author is absent from the site for quite a long time but I'm going to drop this here for future help.Titles all in caps do not attract people. Also themes that are copied are boring. I am not a hater not I take it for serious.Go do Math

It is kind of stupid and I'll designed but it is quite fun. Please make it longer.