What Would You Do if You Could Help Out?

This game was really badly put together. There was a broken link. The choice of links seemed arbitrary at times. At one point I was told I had two choices but there was only one. The game would end or loop you back for no apparent reason. And the end game links were done in a weird way. You could have used variables to very easily improve this game. Please check games before you publish them and you wouldn't have all these problems and bugs.

There was no real plot. This was just a series of unconnected events strung together. These events and choices were either really weird or inconsequential. You have a bagel, and that's it. So what? You're not allowed to have a cat because you're deaf? What the hell? And how does hiding for 5 minutes from someone with a gun make it 'ok' to come out?

The writing is alright but it really could do with more description and elaboration. That would make us care about the characters and what's going on.

Says in the description that this game is a mix of funny and serious, but I didn't find anything funny whatsoever.

2/8

I didn't enjoy this storygame because there was no real story.

The initial premise is you "helping out" if you can. While this sounds nice and dandy, in reality, it doesn't present much of a story here. None of the choices you make, good or bad, really matter in the story. Therefore, it doesn't really have much meat and context in it... which it should. Some of these choices were really far-fetched, for example, a bunch of gunshots outside your friend's house. Also, I don't think hiding would be the best idea to do if you hear gunshots near your house. I, for one, would immediately arm myself, protect my family, and scout the locks/doors. Not hide in a cabinet where the gunman can easily waltz in.

The writing could also be perfected, as I found several grammatical errors, such as "You and your friend has a blast" when it should be "You and your friend have a blast". These all could be fixed if you had proofread/went back over your story, but because you failed to, it kind of stumbles and irks the reader.

I would like to mention the way you wrote the story. For example, you write that the protaganist enjoys kittens. In a game like this, where the protaganist is the reader, you can't really... do that. You can't really say that the protaganist/reader enjoys so and so. Why, you may ask? Well, because *protaganist = reader*, the reader should feel a connection with the protaganist. Especially in a game like this, where its specifically calling YOU out, saying Would you do this or that? Becuase you said that I enjoyed playing with kittens, for example, I didn't feel a connection because I don't really care much of kittens.

Another mention would be the lesson of the story and how it is applied in the story. I guess what you are trying to say is that people should be more caring or something? Because the examples you included here are all, well I'm pretty sure at least, what people would regularly do in these given situations.

Are you trying to say some poeple wouldn't call XXX after hearing gunshot-like noises right near their homes? Or investigate a bundle with life forms obviously tucked underneath? Or give a man his wallet?

Perhaps there are a small percentage of people who wouldn't do these things, but I think we can all agree that the majority would do these things, not to help out, but because they would do them no matter what.

The choices/scenarios you gave don't really help out that much. I mean, yeah, sure, calling XXX or saving kittens is great and all, but like I said, these appear to be things that people would do on a daily basis. Also, they don't really affect anything, as in they're not on a large scale. I mean hey, you're the author, you can write on whichever scale you want. But the point is it's not really helping out anything. Seems to me normal situations on any given day.

In conclusion, I would suggest fleshing this storygame out more, by adding some actual weight and context to it, so it's not just flat and falling. Refine the examples if you must, as well, and be sure to proofread.

3/8.

Okay, okay... Where do I start? ... Firstly, if you see a man talking to the manager about losing his wallet, why not just give the wallet to the man instead of the manager? Second, no there isn't an animal rescue center in the world with a policy that you can't give a kitten to a deaf kid, that was just dumb. Third, if a family's starving and homeless how the hell do they have the money to go to Starbucks? It's bloody expensive in there :p

No. No. No. Neither serious nor funny. The fact that this barely has more than 600 words total doesn't help.

>"You have two decisions..."
>player is given one decision

Yup, another random things happening, WTF IS IT NOT OK FOR DEAF PEOPLE TO HAVE KITTENS? Are you stereotyping? What is the purpose, there is no real story-game here, no real story even! No story, barely even a game, just like you do this and that and this and that, and you just go around doing good deeds or ignoring them and doing random stuff

Well, it was really random and there was no real emotion, you leave after call 911 and uh...you feel o guilt and you don't even feel scared, you can go straight to finding kittens or skating or going to the animal shelter. Nothing about what you did previously. Maybe you made it this way, but I'd enjoy to get to know the character better and also be able to raise the kittens yourself.

To be honest this was a very badly put together story there were basically only a couple options and some of the links didn't even do anything reducing it to basically a no option story.

Pretty boring, but cute at the same time

...Why can't deaf people own kittens?