Your Adventure in Wonderland

A fan fiction storygame by DawnFire101

Player Rating3.99/8

"#491 overall, #32 for 2012"

Based on 109 ratings since 06/24/2012
Played 5,572 times (finished 150)

Story Difficulty3/8

"Trek through the forest"

Play Length5/8

"Not going to lose any sleep"

Maturity Level4/8

"Need to be accompanied by an adult"

Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.

Tags

Fantasy

I originally have this on fanfiction and have now decided to post it here. This is only the first half of your adventure, but I'll like to see what people think of it. Flames will be used to roast my marsh mellows and will be ignored, but I rather them not be there at all. Below I will paste and copy the introduction that I have for it on fanfiction.com.

Author's Note and Disclaimer

READ ALL OF THIS BEFORE GOING ON. VERY IMPORTANT.

Girl-of-Action- Greetings readers, what up? This is my newest story, one of the few that I plan to finish. And don't worry if you don't know about this twisted version of Alice and Wonderland, its no problem! Well, this is less my story and more your story than anything else. I'll explain what I am mean in just a moment, but first, let me tell you what this story is about. Have you ever gone to the book store and picked up one that has the words 'choose your own adventure' written on it in bold? It usually has 100-200 pages and has an "adventures log" in the very back. If so, than you know how this type of thing works and you can skip the paragraph below. If not, then read on.

After reading each "page" in this "book", there will be words written with bold print and in parentheses at the very bottom. These will be your "choices". It will go along like this. (IF YOU WISH TO _ THEN TURN TO PAGE _. IF INSTEAD YOU WANT TO _ THEN GO TO PAGE _.) Get the idea? You are the main character in this story and will have a say in what happens to your character. Will you be merciful and free the prisoners, or will you leave them to rot for something they did to you earlier in the story? Be careful though, each choice has a consequence and one might even lead to death!

In since I can't very well give you an adventures log, you will have to make up your own. Now, this is not necessary, but it will very much help you. Every little detail could help you later on. If you don't want to do this, than at least take a piece of paper and right down the pages you went through in the order you did them. I will constantly be twicking and improving all of this, so I don't want you to go up to me and say, "What the heck? I don't remember doing this!" Anyways, I will also be giving you some pointers at the beginning of each page in these little things [ ]. It will say something like go to a room with dim light and play American McGee's Alice Dry Landing song. You will be able to find these songs if you go on to you tube. Again, this is not necessary but it will help you feel like you are really there.

Okay, now for the disclaimer. I do not own Alice in Wonderland or American McGee's Aliceâ€¦ Bloody hell! I don't even have enough money to buy the game! In the end I had watch someone else play it on YouTubeâ€¦ *Goes and pouts in a corner.* Go to page 2 and leave me to my misery!

Player Comments

I thought you were doing a fanfic about Alice in wonderland, the of work. Haha, I'm pleasantly surprised that you were actually doing an Alice McGee fanfic, one of my favorite games in the aesthetic sense.

I'm just a bit disappointed that you haven't bothered to finish the game, oh and that you expect the reader to keep track of their stats. The most wonderful about writing such stories online is, is that you can use variables to handle that stat attacking part.

Plus I'm beginning to think that you kinda are too faithful with the pre-established stuff in the og game such as telling the reader that you have gained a shiny new ability (which we'll never use). Plus why do I have to read that you imagined a kind of soundtrack in a certain page. Either leave it out or don't mention it at all and leave it to your prose to carve out the world for the reader. (The environment descriptions are kind of threadbare which one doesn't expect in such a fantastical setting like wonderland)

There's still lots of things to like about the story: I like the interactions you can have with a card once you've entered wonderland. Plus I do really like that you also added some snippets of London in the beginning to make it contrast with the weirdness of wonderland.

I want to give it a 6, but meh, it's not finished, so a 5 out of 8 it is

— Darius_Conwright on 2/14/2023 2:02:25 PM with a score of 0

The story itself was alright I guess... but what the hell is with these choice links? It's just "page WHATEVERTHEFUCK". It was quite confusing and annoying to keep track of.

Not to mention that the story could have used some serious proofreading. A fair amount of typos and grammar issues. Some of the links are also broken (page five to page seven link is one such example, it just keeps you looping).

That said, I can see some effort has been put into this. It is by far not the worst thing I've read on the site, especially given I'm currently wading through the fanfiction category.

— Celicni on 10/1/2022 9:25:38 PM with a score of 0

Oh, you poor thing.
The link names themselves are normally titled what the option you are choosing is, not the page number to “turn” to. I’m not going to count you down much for that, just know that it’s grating and unattractive to do these in such a format.
Secondly, there’s a link on “page seven” that leads to the same page you just clicked off of.
You can hide a link the second time around a page, just fyi.
Overall it was cute. You show some potential.

— fresh_out_the_oven on 9/30/2022 3:07:12 PM with a score of 0

Very well written. I enjoyed the nostalgia of reading the turn to page bit. Reminded me of the old books.

— Yummyfood on 9/19/2022 9:56:02 AM with a score of 0

fantastic story! it has the same feel as the original book and movies which is nice. keep up the good work!

— Beckasina on 9/7/2020 7:58:08 AM with a score of 0

I only gave you a 5 because my story was unfinished. You used very good description. If I could change anything I would use choices instead of page numbers. For me it would eliminate the need for keeping a log.

— Faervel on 11/11/2018 3:24:00 PM with a score of 0

The grammar and spelling was absolutely horrible. It confused me sometimes to the point in which I couldn't even understand what was going on, and had to skip the paragraph.

Secondly, I couldn't even finish it with the "page" guiding. Unless I wrote down each page I went to, which would be an unnecessary hassle and I am unable to do as I am traveling, I had no idea which pages I had gone to. Did I go to page 11? Should I or should I not go to this page, if I don't know if I've gone to page 11? There are ways to do this, and it's not complicated. Or, instead of writing page numbers, you could have even used place names (ex. Hallway, stairs, kitchen, etc).

Lastly, details in the story didn't match up. How would you recognize yourself in a picture if you didn't remember what you looked like? Are you a girl, or a boy? Act as though you know, but never question it and memories suggest differently than current events. Also, little things like the doctors' actions. Wouldn't the doctor act surprised to see someone who has been asleep for years?

I'm sorry, but as far as I got in the story was enough for me to know it was put together atrociously. Maybe later on it got better, I wouldn't know, but I think you should go back over it and fix it before adding the rest if you were even going to do so.

— Vitani on 9/9/2017 9:29:19 PM with a score of 0

Guess it's never getting finished as it was first published in 2012 ,which is a complete shame due to this story game being amazing.