A Blaze of Glory: Chapter One

This could've been a lot better but at least it wasn't worse. A lot of these pages felt like gigantic info dumps, which I know is common in fantasy but this had no flavor to make it digestible. It was just an overwhelming amount of world building that, while making a world that has potential to be something interesting, was uninteresting to read through given how little connection we had to anything within the world itself. We've all read about orcs and elves and other fantasy creatures- but why should we care about yours? This also was made a bit more hard to get through with the run-on sentences as you tried to pack as much information into as little words as possible. While there are moments here that I enjoyed, there aren't enough for me to be drawn into the world and feel that suspension of disbelief that I've felt in other stories on this platform.

However, my biggest complaint are the characters. They may have those moments of potential where they could be interesting but for the most part they are bland. They seem to be in the story simply as plot devices and the main character doesn't have much personality either. Similarly to the world itself, I find no reason to feel attached to these characters.

That being said, I can tell you care about this story and that is a great thing. Despite the critique there is tons of potential for a good story here, you just need to hone your craft a bit! Best of luck to you, if you ever see this.

While there are occasional glimpses of an interesting story, a great deal falls flat. While the overall quality can be improved with grammar and spelling corrections, the deeper problems with this storygame mean a lot more than simple proofreading is needed to bring "A Blaze of Glory" up to par.

Numerous aspects of the plot either feel rushed or created on the spot. Examples include the Orb of Death's history and powers, Bren's takeover in the foreign lands, his background with the Commander, Danny's expertise on the battlefield, the Commander's curse, and the demons.

A nasty side effect is that character development is rushed and is unbelievable as a result. For example, a couple of pages could have easily been squeezed in where Danny decides for or against helping the madman that just enslaved his entire village. A few sections like those would easily help ABoG's pace and characterization.

As noted previously, the game feels more like a railroad than a series of choices due to how linear it is. Rather than resetting and feeling a sense of failure, I'm more inclined to simply press "Go Back" just so I can get to the end. Part of the ingenuity in the CYS / CYOA genre is that you can potentially take multiple paths that converge back into the main storyline, but I feel that we're missing out on a lot of potential for "A Blaze of Glory" due to the absence of that very mechanic.

Overall I'd be glad to return to "A Blaze of Glory" if it gets its much-needed update, but it needs a great deal of world-building and choice before I would consider it finished.

I liked how creative you were with the world and the politics, and I enjoyed the dramatic scenes ("weapon... in your heart!" etc.) regardless of how cheesy they were. You definitely have potential.

Having said that, there's a lot you could improve on. Your writing shows a clear lack of editing. Multiple times I saw unneeded spaces (after an opening quotation mark for instance), spelling errors ("yourtself" instead of "yourself" etc.) and the absence of a space between two words.

You've also written some confusing sentences, like "Strangely, Bren had a plan...". Why is it strange that Bren has a plan? If he's conquered the Western Federation multiple times he must be at least somewhat capable of planning ahead. Bren was also relying on Danny, who has no experience in war strategy whatsoever, to lead an entire army into an ambush, and he doesn't entertain the possibility that Ice will split his army up at all.

My biggest gripe with this story is how linear it is. There's no option in Danny's storyline to side with Andrew instead of Bren. There's only one possible way of getting through each campaign, and all three of the campaigns are identical - just from a different point of view.

Nevertheless, I can see you've put some effort into this and I like that. Good luck with your Warden series.

Very good and intriguing story

OKay I guess

There's definitely effort put into it. A lot of the grammar leaves something to be desired. The overuse of ellipses, capitalizations, and multiple exclaimation points in a row can be a little jarring. Which comes to the main issue with this sequence, is that so much information is blurted at the reader. It's almost exclusively all show and no tell. Let's see the emotions in the characters without them being explicitly stated. Let's see features of the land without just telling them like a nature documentary. Decently average.

Wow <3

The idea of the story was good, and I liked the concept of being able to play the story from different characters perspectives. The downside to this though, is that now there is only really one way you can have your story go, because it has to be the same story as the other characters.

The plot was a bit rushed, and you had quite a few spelling and grammatical issues. But if this was longer and more detailed, and if you changed it somehow so that you could have multiple ways to go, and fixed the spelling/grammar issues, than it would be a very good story.

I mean, the writing is okay. For starters you have three mini stories when you could have done one big one. If you had done that you might have some actual branching. You make it look like you do, but you clearly don't. It's three gauntlets or at least that's what I saw.

I gave it a 3. It's very meh and while it has intresting ideas, there was no point in the campaign thing

Could use some spelling fixes, but other than that its pretty good.