A Long Walk Home
, #93 for
played 1,256 times (finished 180)
"trek through the forest"
"Make sure not to blink"
"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.
You're on your way home from a long day at work when a sound disrupts your usual trek.
The one-sentence introduction to the story is nice, but of course, is a bit short. After all, authors, this page is here for your to advertise your story! This is like the back of the book on a printed book: this is where you convince the reader to read this story and not click the back button to head for another story. Take some time and really sell your story on this page. Of course, with the length of this story being a 1/8 and under 1,000 words, I’m not sure a whole lot of effort was expended here, anyway.
The story itself, well, any story that has an end game link on the first page really isn’t that great. If making that choice will lead to the story ending, I’d suggest just not including that option in the story at all. And with such a short length, many opportunities were missed for additional information, details, and descriptions of what’s happening in the story. The best way to really involve a reader in the story is to use all five senses and describe everything.
Also, the story doesn’t really have any options. There appear to be options, but seeing two choices when one of the choices leads to an end game isn’t really a choice. It was quite a short story and while short stories can be effective, when you limit yourself to under 1,000 words and then attempt to add options and paths, there’s really very little left in which to actually tell a story.
on 7/21/2018 4:39:16 PM with a score of 0
Alright, this isn’t exactly the most productive use of my time, commenting on ancient stories with long-dead authors and stuff, but it is interesting to look back on this stuff, now that I’m point scrounging like a motherfucker and trying to find my way to Commendment Heaven. All the storygames have been rated and reviewed by people much better and faster than I, and so now I’m forced to turn to Archeology and pick up old Review Real Estate if I want to have fancy stuff.
Not that I mind. Like I said, this is kind of interesting to look back on. This is a late 2014 game, and, knowing CYS in 2014 and the kind of creatures we were dealing with, it’s just nice to see a short little game that’s decidedly average coming out of that era. Granted, I don’t think WC was a major problem until maybe a year after that, but there was a good long period before and after that whole apocalypse where shit games were a major complaint. This may have come in on the front end of that tsunami, or The Epidemic really was that recent. I dunno, putting my archeologist fedora on for a sec, and judging from the posts that call for a WC ban appearing “One Year Ago”, I think it’s fair to say that this was at the beginning of our long-suffering era. Or maybe just a time when I wasn’t looking. Story history is not really my area of expertise. I can’t tell you what was going on in the New Storygames Section of 2014.
There are always the classic mistakes of the old “random” games you used to get around here all the time. There’s the endgame page available from the very first choice, (And of course, the choice remains for a fair bit) but nonetheless there’s an interesting dynamic here.
You’re tasked with investigating a dumpster, and a whole bunch of things can result from this. An epic it is not. Nothing complex happens, nothing extraordinary or engrossing occurs, but it’s just enough. Just enough to keep you entertained for a good minute or two. And, oddly enough, it feels like the most “realistic” story I’ve read in a while. There isn’t that much action in the traditional sense, everyone involved in this has a different story, and, just like in real life, you have the option to refuse the wild path and leave. Yes, you can get murdered by a murderer, but the majority of the endings have nothing to do with that. You rescue a puppy, or you help out a runaway, or you walk out and try not to bother with it. It’s unremarkable, but pleasant in its own right, kind of like life in general.
I’m not sure what more there is to say about it, there isn’t much more to be said, but, y’know, it’s nice to see this. I kind of enjoyed this. Yes, the potential for extreme storytelling wasn’t really capitalised on, but sometimes it’s nice to just casually read a story that indulges in decidedly inextreme storytelling. It was short and sweet, and for its many flaws, there was just something that felt believable about it. Nostalgia may be working in mysterious ways, but for me, this was a solid 4/8, and a worthwhile lunch break to write.
on 1/17/2017 12:52:00 PM with a score of 0
Hmm...I find this to be rather disappointing. There is a lot of rising action, giving way to a very anti-climactic ending. Also, the option to jump into a dumpster to go after a "creature" is rather idiotic, no offense. Now, I understand that you didn't set this up as a horror story, but you do a lot to build up suspense. As a reader, we some sort of bang at the end of the suspense, for the most part, anyway. Still, your writing isn't horrendous and you did put quite a bit of effort into the game, so I give you a 4/8.
on 8/18/2014 8:51:33 PM with a score of 0
For such a short story, it was a lot better than I was expecting. I didn't spot any major grammar errors, and the endings were quite wholesome and cute. (SPOILERS:) My favourite was the ending where you save the stray dog. It was just so sweet! It tugged on my heartstrings.
I do wish that a few of the endings earlier in the game hadn't led to an immediate 'game over' screen. Although, to be fair, it was obvious that these choices would lead to bad pathways.
on 1/15/2020 5:54:28 PM with a score of 0
it's more fun then taking cair of my little brother! hahahahahahahahahahahaha roflroflrofl!
-- mike on 7/2/2019 9:16:54 AM with a score of 0
Many... many problems with this.
1. It needs a better description. The description right now is really boring, the kind of thing that people only play to comment on. And I kinda did that, y'know, like most of the people here did. Make it longer!
2. Who am I? Am I a boy or girl? Am I a teen? Are my parents alive or dead? Am I 70 years old? Who the hell is this character, and why the hell do they even exist?
3. The Ratings! If your story has under 3.20, I would just un-publish it. But I don't see you doing that any time soon, so I'll just say the Maturity Level should go one or maybe two up. Fostering bothers kids who were fostered before. Do you realize this?
A few things not good or bad...
1. I'm not sure why I'm writing this right now, but be glad I stopped by. This may be a total waste of my time, but I'm doing it anyway. You're welcome.
2. This is kinda old, but hopefully you'll use something I put in here!
3. I would like this more if you could make the pages longer. Everyone would!
1. The puppy ending was cute, and you managed to make it a bit creepy. Go you!
So..., that's all I really have to say.
on 5/10/2019 4:47:27 PM with a score of 0
It’s a bit two short...I only made too choices
on 2/18/2019 3:17:04 AM with a score of 0
This was not as long as I would have liked. I would also like to say that the build up in this story was kind of a let down. Good job overall though.
on 6/7/2018 8:29:18 AM with a score of 0
Way too short
on 1/8/2018 3:42:42 PM with a score of 0
-- drizzt on 10/2/2017 3:42:45 AM with a score of 0
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