A Prayer for Destruction

A brief note; I still don’t like you Malk and I know the feeling is mutual. I rather not want to review any of your work and especially not this one since it will get plenty of attention as a featured story, but seeing as I have a quota to fill, I’ll review this story and the sequel The End of Creation.
General impressions:
Overall, the story is great and the scope is small enough that the shortness doesn’t detract from the quality at all. It begins a bit slow with many paragraphs being rather dry exposition dumps, but it quickly picks up after the second page. This story does carry the example of: having an unlikeable protagonist doesn’t necessarily make the story bad. Oh boy, the protagonist is in large swats of the story the most annoying despicable piece of shit I’ve ever read in a while, but his thought patterns and worldview is very believable considering the upbringing and training he had. It is clear from an outsider that he is the bad guy, but in his head he feels that all his actions are righteous.
Most of the routes consists of him slaughtering tons of innocent townsfolk and getting rewarded for it too. I was frankly surprised that there were not a lot of routes where he is killed in some sort of way considering that this story has such a gritty vibe. Most of the side routes were perfectly serviceable, but I find them very similar towards each other; it’s him murdering more civilians and accusing them for being heretics.
The one I considered the ‘main route’, was him helping the young lord with the demon problem and working together with the elf killing it. This was also the only route where we actually see some character growth from the protagonist by having the option to spare her in one of the routes. The change of heart is very very small, but feels very natural too. I bet that he has never spoken to an elf in a normal way before this encounter and now has realized that not all of them are heretics.
All in all, fun story as expected of Malk. He’s a competent writer and it shows in his work.
Notes:
- Malk is a very competent writer, so take these comments more as nitpicks. The writing does work in many places. So lots of my critique is just my own opinion.
- The first page serves its purpose though it is not the most interesting or innovative way of delivering information. At some points it does veer into infodumps about lore that I still don’t really care about. The worst one is ‘at the base of the mountains….. false gods.’ I like the religious theming and imagery though and makes me be sold to the setting. Plus; it is one of the better character descriptions I have seen; comparing his appearance to other people, always a more natural and clever choice to convey information.
- The second page is well written though I do feel that some information about the city could be woven even more seamlessly into the narrative than it currently is conveyed. One example is the first paragraph starting with ‘Elderach is a great and terrible city’ and then being launched into an explanation about the rings of the city and then the narration of the main character passing through them. I would have the last sentence be moved up to be the first; then have the description about the walls, then perhaps the comment somewhere of Edelrach being a great and terrible city (I think it would be snappier if you put it at the end of the page as if you were to finish a thesis.) The reason for this is, is that the information feels a lot more relevant this way. The main character comes across a wall; the reader will then wonder what it is all about and then the information can be subsequently be given. Now it feels like the information isn’t that relevant when reading it first.
- Again, beautiful phrases. ‘its gargantuan walls emerge from the horizon like the bones of a dead giant’. Very evocative and using a giant does make the description feel part of the setting.
- The main character noticing the slight cultural differences between the farmers and the people living in the city is a nice touch!
- BEGIN THE PURGE NOW PAGE: Very, very nice action scene and the right amount of gore I expect in this kind of work. BenHolman, if you are reading this, well, look up the very first paragraph of this particular page. This is how you write an edgy gory action scene. It is not per se the action that makes it explicit; it is the very uncomfortable details. Viscera clinging onto the sword, the swing cutting through ligaments and flesh, the reactions of bystanders.
- I spot a small formatting mistake ‘Clamoring’ has been broken off
- PRESENT YOURSELF TO THE LORD: I do like that the main character has such a fondness for Dirt, his horse. Him acting so nice and soft towards her humanizes him a lot.
- A bit of unexpected humor with the description of the stable boy and funny roast without detracting from the overall tone. Ten fingers, two eyes, four limbs. Some acne. He’s undoubtedly human.
- I think that from this page on, I begin to understand the protagonist a lot more and this is the part where you see his rather dreadful personality shine. Him showing contempt towards street urchins, stable boys and the common folk living in the city while also being extremely religious and racist towards elves and mutants. He’s frankly a douchebag.
- So the big bad evil guy was a goat demon all along. Haha, honestly I thought that the stuff he was spouting about demons was all fake and a way to control the common folk. Seems that there was more truth to his fanatic rants about demons after all.
- Also very nice detail about elves having different accents too. Love these small details, makes the world feel a lot more alive.

I’ll start with a disclaimer: take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer nor a seasoned reviewer (yet). To those of you who haven’t read the story, I will mention a few spoilers so do yourselves a favor and read it before this review.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The description is strong and succinct. Right away, I can tell the story will incorporate compelling worldbuilding elements, interwoven with themes of religion and war. As for the starting quote, it sets the tone really nicely. The all-caps was slightly jarring, but it worked to convey the context, which matched the message delivered.

I love the parallels to Catholicism. This might be a bit of a tangent, especially to readers of this review who don’t know much about the religion, but I like how there are just the right amount of allusions for it to feel unique and distinct, yet recognisable. The ‘Necessary One’ was a nice touch, showing the significance of God to the people in this world. There were references to being made in God’s image and likeness, and his thoughts transcending human understanding.

Pacing is great here. There is enough information revealed to immerse the reader in the setting without overwhelming them, while keeping some things unknown. Details of the worldbuilding are sprinkled in nicely, such as hinting at the governance and political system, the way power is maintained, and the factions that exist. The sword only being effective in the hands of one trained by their kind is a cool detail. There are also a few hints at moral superiority and believing their way is the ‘right way’, such as the sword’s inscriptions of forgiving sinners. I wonder if this foreshadows the future conflict.

Strong sense of character is conveyed throughout the narration: the protagonist is devoutly religious. Not sure if it was meant as humor, but I laughed at the horse being named ‘Dirt’. After reading about the serious religious customs, and the noble lineage of the horse, that name was the last thing I expected lol.

I’m probably nitpicking, but quite a few sentences begin with ‘you’. I didn’t realize it at first, and it wasn’t disrupting immersion too much, except for that one paragraph where the same structure is used three times in a row. Also, I think it’s ‘brisk’ trot, not ‘brisque’ (had to do a quick search to confirm it wasn’t the american english spelling).

There was a paragraph which might have been a bit of an infodump, but honestly, I didn’t mind. It was done well and introduced as being relevant to the situation—the protagonist was recounting important facts before he entered the city—and I enjoyed learning about this fascinating setting. It feels like a high fantasy version of the Old Testament with its warring nations, false gods, etc.

The last paragraph of the first page summarized the protagonist’s mission of the story. It describes the situation, the stakes, and enemies whose morals are in direct contrast with the protagonist’s (potential character foils?). But it also hints at the fact that not everything may be as it seems.

WORLDBUILDING

The worldbuilding was incredible in this story. Lots of care seems to have been put into crafting the setting, from the city structured by three rings to the individual locations. When reading some stories, it feels like the setting is very confined, made solely for the purpose of furthering the plot/ the main character’s interaction with the world. This is very much the opposite. The world feels real and lived-in, with mentions of other cities and their cultures.

The description seemed almost cinematic: for the part where the protagonist approaches the northern gate, it was like watching the story unfold from a wide-angle view, then the camera zoomed into the twin towers, stretching to the sky, panning to the skyway and crossbowmen. Every place—the mutated quarter, the great hall, the laughing goat’s chamber—had unique descriptions with its inhabitants reflecting the location. Lots of subtle details enrich the world, too: the Family Above Reproach signaling the extreme power given to royalty, the maxims which may be used to encourage groupthink, and the idea that magic is something which can be sensed, leaving traces behind, whether through a scent or a feeling.

Another interesting worldbuilding detail is the inscriptions on the swords, where the protagonist—one called to war—has a saying about forgiveness for the sinners he will slay, and the grandmaster’s is ‘all things beneath the law’, perhaps a reminder of his servitude despite his standing. Though maybe I’m overthinking, but it slightly contradicts the part where the monarchy is viewed as the ‘family above reproach’.

PLOT & CHARACTER

There is a good amount of branching in this storygame. I won’t spoil too much, but depending on the choices that are made, the protagonist’s character arc can move in completely different directions—from the highest title of Grandmaster in his order, to borderline heresy. The best part? Most of it is realistic and within character.

While there did not seem to be much internal conflict in some paths, for a story of this size, characterization was sufficient. I liked the brutal nature of the protagonist, and the way death was something brushed aside casually (e.g. “You chop a man in half” and “you do not mourn your casualties”). They were just numbers to him. Then at the same time, we had the contrasting characterisation of him caring for his horse, Dirt, and paying the stable boy out of pity. This makes him appear more multidimensional.

In one of the paths, there was a five year old in the order who killed several people. I did a double take haha. The juxtaposition of the phrase ‘purity of his hate’ was something I found refreshing; most religions tend to focus heavily on love, whereas this one was driven by hate—of the mutants, the non-humans, and those who sympathized with them.

My favorite path was the one where he eventually committed a ‘crime’ by letting the elf live. I enjoyed the character development. At first, the protagonist was reluctant to work with her, though he recognised the loophole in the law and how it might be for the greater good. The character dynamics of them insulting each other was fun to read about. We knew the protagonist viewed all mutants as ‘monsters’ and ‘subhumans’, and some people (like the knight who tried to defend one of them) believed they were innocents. Then the elf started calling the protagonist ‘monster’ as he did, and ‘great beast’, thus beginning the uneasy alliance. There was also a part which hinted at his backstory and how an elf was the reason behind his broken nose (I would have liked to hear more about that, as it was described as the only distinguishing feature from the rest of his order, though I recognise there was the time-restraints of the contest). Yet, the protagonist eventually learnt from working with her that perhaps not all mutants had to be killed off and had the choice to spare her in the end. The battle with the Laughing Goat was quite impressively written, involving combat both physically and mentally. In the end, the elf acted honorably too, further reinforcing this theme; he refers to her by her name that last time instead of an insult. And he smiles at his heresy (btw ‘embarrassing’ is spelt wrongly, but it’s embarrassing how I only caught it on my second readthrough).

If I were to give some feedback, some paths were a bit abrupt, e.g. the one where you accept the position of Grandmaster. The previous page seems to foreshadow that it might not be the best decision, as something nags at you, but then in the next page, the only slight negative consequence is that it will be a while before you get back to killing. I was expecting more of a repercussion like the elves interfering with your reign, or maybe less satisfaction with the role (since in the other path, the protagonist’s true calling was to exterminate the evil species and kill for the Necessary One). Though I do suppose it might be due to contest constraints and it was intended to be a longer path.

NARRATIVE STYLE

Reading this story was a great experience. There were lots of beautifully written lines, but at the same time, there were some I found quite humorous, like: “You are received with a grandeur befitting your station. You take no notice of it, as befits your station.”

At times, death was described in such a matter-of-fact way: “The survivors are prostate and begging for mercy which they know will not come. You sentence them all to death.” Yet, it was contrasted with some really in-depth descriptions, especially for locations, drawing out the pacing. Action scenes were tense, with vivid descriptions of violence, adding to immersion.

I like the line “You leave the city of Edelrach politically headless”. Nice pun.

Another worthy mention: “He took a vow of silence after the ordeal; presumably because they took his tongue.” Both of these serve to add a touch of humour while preserving the grim, violent atmosphere of the world.

Since this section seems like I’m just compiling quotes to compliment, I’ll add a slight nitpick: maybe a bit of extra proofreading would help, as there were often extra spaces between words, and once even a word being split in half and continued on another paragraph. Still, I’d chalk that up to contest time pressures. The writing is very polished in terms of prose, with few grammatical and spelling errors.

One of my favorite descriptions is a scene during the fight, where the protagonist somehow overcomes death and being burnt alive: “You are in a sea of fire being unmade, inch by inch. You see beyond the fire. You see a vast blackness, and beyond it, shimmering light; a great curtain of whitest white. The curtain has ten thousand blinking eyeballs; the attention of just one of them has set you aflame. You scream, exalted.” Something about it just feels so otherworldly and encapsulates an abstract experience really well.

TL;DR

I recommend this storygame to everyone reading this review. It was highly entertaining and I can see how it nearly won a contest.

Liking Malk, as I do, I am naturally predisposed to like this story. But it's authentically good story in spite of that. It does something pretty interesting that stories with only a few choices before the end don't always do, and it was striking.

Essentially, the major choices pose a question between righteous holy blood-spurting fury and restraint, where restraint allows more narrative but pushes off the purging. And that makes an interesting balance between wanting the visceral combat (which Malk is just really good at writing) and holding back to see how long it can be put off. And the answer is, not very long, because it's not a super long story, but it works. This is a moderate-length story with a handful of choices done right, because the choices you don't take nag at you just the way they might nag at a man gripping the hilt of his sword tightly out of restraint, white-knuckling his way through a conversation when he'd rather be hacking.

Malk's got colon use down. Listen to these:
"She whinnies, as if to say: obviously."
"These are bold claims: the truth of them is yours to determine."

Those hit a tight rhythm in the narrative. And Malk's dialogue is well done too, pretty witty and to the point.

Do I have a critique? Yes. It's semicolons. It's a small thing, but it's not a pedantic thing. Semicolons connect two complete sentences. Unlike the below, where I don't know what they are doing:

"The bounty of the realm is offered by demure serving girls; olives and grapes, a cup of wine, iced rose-water."
"Beyond it, your mind's eye travels to the King’s Heart; the mighty twin cities of Caerbagh and Thanur, and the legions of serfs who toil around them."
"Finally, you think of the monastery you call home; a place with no name, closer to a fortress than a temple, with scriptorium-spires that cut through the heavens, and training-dungeons nestled deep in the Earth."

Those are just a few I grabbed at random. I think those want to be colons or a whole new sentence. The rhythm of those sentences are not working because of it.

My other micro-level comment is adjective related. I should have grabbed some examples, but there are times when the adjectives are leaned on a bit more than you want--they do too much of the lifting of the description when I wanted more nouns, more *stuff* rather than an adjective appended to everything. It's just a small point, but probably one thing to keep an eye on.

Overall, I read it straight through like four times, and I loved each path. Then I reread my favorite moments of battle and enjoyed the little sensory details you put in here--the goose-flesh, the red eyes, the forehead in the dirt, and so on. Another banger from Malk.

General Recommendation & Preview: Recommended! A short, well-written, and entertaining read about a religious knight’s judgment of a city with much laxer religious views.
Proceed with the awareness that the 7/8 maturity warning is accurate; it’s very violent, and features a villain protagonist.

=SPOILERS BELOW=

General notes:
This is a very fun read. The main appeal in this story for me is that Malk has done an excellent job getting into the head of a religious zealot, and I love well-written stories that feature a narrator with an atypical perspective on the world. I think a lot of stories that try to do this either can’t commit to it, or go unrealistically far. This story does go pretty far, but still strikes a good balance. I suspect this is mostly due to Malk’s skill with wordcraft. When you’re writing from the perspective of a narrator like this you need to portray their attitude carefully and subtlety, which is done very well here. I’d recommend studying this story to anyone interested in writing a protagonist who embraces similar levels of zealotry.
In a longer story, I would tire of a protagonist with this level of arrogance and overconfidence who still succeeds at everything he tries. As competent he may be, he’s clearly headed for an eventual rude awakening. But in a story this short, it works quite well. The point of this story is to explore how the events in this one city might play out, not to seriously challenge the reader or show a large-scale character arc.
That said, by far the strongest path is the one that does show growth—where the narrator teams up with Lilet to kill the demon, then spares her life. Granted I’m biased—I get the warm fuzzies from storylines about people overcoming their differences to brutally murder goat demons. This is a great note to end a story of this length on. Despite his beliefs, it’s plausible that the narrator might spare Lilet’s life after their cooperation. But it’s still a major change for him; one that we expect will have a ripple effect on his life going foward. I’d be interested to see where else this character’s story goes—there are a lot of interesting things you can do with someone who’s just had this experience.
The other paths instead feature the protagonist’s descent into increasingly violent and merciless behavior, with no real self awareness emerging. There’s not as much going on here, but they’re still well written, and a useful contrast to the more interesting growth in the main path.

The worldbuilding is great too. There's not a huge focus on it, as the main emphasis is on the plot, but we've got a very interesting look at a setting with varied religions and cultural groups. I liked hearing the history and construction of the city, even though it didn't come up much. This is a world I would love to hear more about. (And luckily, there's a sequel!)

Specific notes:
= We establish straight away with the bible quote, prayer, and monastery reference that this is a religious protagonist.
= Damn, a seven foot sword?! And an even taller protagonist. Jeez.
= These first paragraphs do a great job efficiently characterizing a narrator & delivering backstory while still hooking the reader. We’re talking about the narrator’s history, but grounding it in the present. We can see a hint of cynicism in his comment about the distinction regarding the laws of God occasionally being lost. He does describe his own reflection, but he does it by looking at his sword. And that’s used as another excuse to relate a telling anecdote about his history.
= I like the attention to the construction of the city. It also tells us what sort of things the narrator thinks about.
= The narrator of this story reminds me strongly of Hrathen from Elantris.
= So far, this story does a good job pulling off a morally grey-to-black protagonist. We’ve got the narrator considering attacking an apparently innocent cyclops, but he’s got strong religious beliefs that explain why he might do this. And I’m invested enough in the story already that this aspect gets a bit of leeway.
= And on that note, the narrator’s relationship with his horse is a strength. It adds depth to the fanaticism we’ve already seen.
= “You frown. Sometimes people feel as if your very presence is indicting them of some kind of crime.” Now this is fun, because we’ve seen his though process and he IS judging everyone around him. The stable hand had every reason to feel indicted. It’s a good contrast between the narrator’s self-perception and how others see him.
= The maxims are a nice character thread. It shows the protagonist’s devotion, while also highlighting his relative inexperience. He’s relatively fresh out of the monastery, and still interpreting the world chiefly through the lens of his teachings.
= Griffin mention!
= The youth of the lord is an interesting layer to this dynamic.
= Interesting that the narrator chiefly thinks of his brother as his Grandmaster.
= I like the political situation here. The narrator and Lilet are on the same level with each other, both dancing around the lord. They’re both calling each other ‘monster’. Neither one is exactly being subtle here, but I supposed that allows them to trust each other more.
= “Her tone is strange, and you don’t catch its meaning.” I expect he has a difficult time understanding that a demon might just like someone.
= Lol, “You think about decrying such a feat as impossible, but decide not to; arrogance is a sin, even when one converses with a she-demon.”
= The description here does a good job showing that the tower is an eldritch location, like through remembering someone else’s memories.
= Wait, we died? And came back? Assuming this isn’t just descriptive writing, I need more information here.
= “You know why you spared her, but you cannot admit it yet. Perhaps you never will.” This is an interesting choice, and leaves the interpretation up to the reader. I wonder if Malk has a “true” reason in mind; or if it’s intentionally vague.
= This story reminds me a lot of the scene in Eternal where he and Semra confront the demon in Nakol.
= “Cetaphon has covered himself in glory.” Great way to describe blood.
= Oh that comment on the horse is a nice way to end this section. He’s shown affection for his horse, and now after all that debauchery, he’s clinically noting that he’ll have to get a new one soon. Nice.

Grammar:
Good. Few typos.
Mastery of Language:
Excellent. Malk is up there with Gower for the best wordcrafter on the site. The sentences are poetic in their rhythm and efficiency, while not detracting at all from the tone.
I love the pace & flow of the sentence structure. The style is formal and archaic, but in a way that enhances the story rather than falling into any of the pitfalls common to this style.
Styles like this can also struggle with creating humor without unbalancing the tone, but we get plenty of humorous moments in this story. Sometimes through the contrast between the narrator’s formality and the world around him, such as when the narrator rides through the north gate. Other times the narrator's dry observations of the world around him are the source of amusement.
This language is also very good at multitasking, and drops in worldbuilding, description, and characterization without slowing down the story.
The language does a great job portraying the narrator’s personality. He’s viewing everything through a religious lens, assessing his surroundings to see whether they meet God’s standards. The narration is dripping in judgment and confidence. He’s highly observant too. It’s a very fun perspective to read from.

Some sentences I particularly liked:
“You are received with a grandeur begitting your station. You take no notice of it, as befits your station.”
“He stumbles over his first few words, but quickly finds his footing. You wonder if his reign will follow the same trajectory, or whether you will cut it short.”
“The lie is intentionally embarassing to you. Men do not often tell unflattering lies about themselves.”

Branching:
Pretty good for a story of this length, and the player has a lot of control over how the story ends.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
I reached the ending where you spare Lilet first.

WRITING ADVICE:
Normally I would use this section to advise the author on improvement. Instead, I’m going to advise other authors to check out this story when you’re practicing efficient wordcraft. This story does a very good job mixing necessary exposition with its hook.

CONCLUSION: 8/8

Extremely short leaving reader wanting more

wtf is this gay shit

Such a smooth read. I'd love to know more about our protagonist and their repressed internal conflict that's only hinted at. Guess it's time to play the sequel.

This is a quick story about a giant of a man raised from childhood to be a fanatical soldier for his cause. Slay the wicked, crush mutants that have tainted humanity with their existence, pass over them to kill greater evils. The choices are yours.

Wow! This story had some quality world-building. I loved how there were plenty of sentences that served both to flesh out the world while also build your protagonist's character. I will probably revisit this later to see the other endings

I spent entirely too much time looking for the source of an historical anecdote that this reminded me of, which informed my entire vision of the place and time of this story. I don't mean to say I did some gay thing like try and tie this down to a real year in our timeline. Like all the best fantasy, it actually incorporates things from multiple periods at once and yet feels distinctly like its own time. The sword he's wielding is something like an executioner's sword-- Nothing less than absolutely appropriate for the solemn duties of a Faceless Knight, but a 16th century invention in our own time, with words etched into the blade, a practice that was also more popular closer to the early modern period. The prayer and the rather distinctive theology of the Faceless Knights seems to have a lot of ingredients of Islam as well.

That last part doesn't tie it down to any time period in particular, I just found it fascinating. And that's kind of what it's like, this storygame. I read it when it first came out and have pored over its words over and over again since Firefox saves my place in separate windows. It is an excellent, snappy work of dark fantasy, disproportionately evocative for the space it takes up, but also an extremely dense work that scratches some kind of itch for a very particular kind of autist. Or, at least for me at any rate.

The Faceless Knight is, appropriately, described adequately with a few, brisk lines. Admittedly, his arm is described as being covered in plates when a crossbow is shot through it, but no such description is made when he's stabbed through the torso. But by the nature of his mission and the recency of the Second Crusade, the way that the faceless knights are both monks and soldiers-- Not necessarily contradicted by those shoulder plates, but this is definitely a guy in chainmail and a greathelm, no doubt.

This is where I was going to quote that silly anecdote about something I read a really long time ago but couldn't source, about this historian who was reading letters that were sent to the Teutonic Order in the early years to shed some light on that dark age. Apparently the head of some village was requesting help dealing with some outlaws, a gang of 15 or so guys. The person looking into this was surprised to find out that, amazingly and hilariously, only one knight was sent on that order. I don't exactly know what taking down the 15 guys would have entailed. In honesty this guy probably traveled with at least a squire and could have gotten a band of men together in the village to help him, but without any further details I was very amused to imagine some lone zealot in glittering iron pajamas wandering around the woods chasing down armed bumpkins like an anti-outlaw Jason Voorhees.

And that's kind of what I felt like I was reading during this story, what it reminded me of so much. Those sparse notes where the barest bones of context, and now, apparently, the actual story itself, will forever be missing to me, now given fabulous and bloodsoaked flesh. Nothing left to go on but absurd new legends of a deranged and murky history. There lies the beautiful and insane imaginings of what *could've* happened. I'm not a guy with a doctorate, I don't have to give a shit. It's exactly the kind of world where I can imagine an order of dubiously Catholic warrior monks (Like, genuinely Fantasy-Catholic, which I appreciate. The zeal-fueled bloodshed just wouldn't've hit quite the same in the normal Hellenistic-Cults-with-Cathedrals-type fantasy) genuinely sending *one guy* and his truck-sized horse to deal with this kind of shit, *and worse,* and not actually having too bad a track record by the end.

I frequently found myself laughing as I read along, in a good way. It hit just the right tone where both the horror, and the intentional humor, just seemed to make me grin. The way that the great corpus of Warhammer works are kind of supposed to feel, but very few ever really do in such a punchy and efficient way, and none that I've read really do the way Malkalack does. For three months or so I rarely sat down long enough after an ending to think of something in-depth to say, but at the same time I would keep getting to each ending and never getting tired of it. This game was a fine accompaniment to my morning eggs for a long time, and the blank review-space a welcome nighttime adversary in the obscure and hypnagogic hours. But it's a testament to the quality of this tale that I didn't once tire of it or give up despite my daily distractions. I can't wait to take exactly this long to review the next in the series!