Player Comments on A pony's story

Waste of time and space

What was that? Pegasister here! You ruined MLP!

Pegasister o-u-t out!

Three minutes of my life I'll never get back.

what was this?

sooooooooooooooooooooo scary *laphing* kidding

Well I always try to be constructive and give good and bad points but I do get a distinct impression that this story is a set up...

The links all worked and the spelling and grammar are not actually as bad as some stories on this site.

The actual story was really non-existent. it seemed like the first rushed pages in a story where an author rail-roads you to throw out the names of characters so they can get to the story itself. But then that was it, with a gratuitous dead added in.

As I said, I get the impression that this is a plant to get reactions rather than a real story but judging by the score and response it will be removed soon either way

You really need to stop making stories.

Wow! Just Wow! (And not in a good way). This game has to be the most horrible game I have ever played!

*burns in holy fire*

Whuuuut?

Okay. Instead of criticizing and leaving, I'm going to tell you what you did wrong and what you could change.

First of all, it was rather short, and there isn't really a moral or plot of the story. Maybe you could edit it and make it longer, with an evil villain or one of your friends turns evil, etc.

Try capitalizing the names next time, otherwise I don't see how anyone can tell what's a name and what isn't.

Thanks for reading this, and with a little bit of what I suggested and more, I betcha you could make this an 8/8.
-Flamepelt

AAAAAARGH! MY EYES!!! THEY BURRRRRRRRN!

It's not even a story at all. You know why.

... uh... that's it?

My little pony people. GO AWAY! And why would someone drop a boulder on you? *Squish* "Oops, sorry!" Ugh. No more!!!! Grammar, punctuation, detail, words!

beeeeeeeep

"Do you want to meet my friends?"
"Nah."
*Someone "Accidentally" drops a rock on you*
What kind of insipid, hellacious world is this!?

You wake up. A bunch of MLP characters run up and introduce themselves to you. Then either: Rocks Fall, You Die or Everypony Lives Happily Ever After.
There is no story at all here. Just a list of ponies' names.

Also, there's at least one broken link. It feels like you started to write a story, but got bored and published it before the plot even began.

Oh, God, the WC fans are merging with the bronies. Somebody make it stop.

... In all seriousness, it doesn't matter what fandom this is from. This was short, broken, unfinished, badly written, poorly punctuated, had lousy spelling, lacked description, and had a sorely overused plot device with no originality.

1.Dialogue formatting
2.Random and unexpected "bad ending"
3.Crappy, lackluster plot
4.Too short

There you go. 1,2,3,4 reasons why your game sucks. And what's 12/(3*4)? I'll give you a hint: it's the rating I gave this game.

Broken links.
"Why do you have a horn?"
Cuz it's a fuckin unicorn.
...i Denied friend ship with...(Forgot the name) and died..

I wish I had a unicorn for all those times I can never find a taxi, but then again it might not do very well on motorways... btw the story was the literary equivalent of saying "hello, my name is -" and basically lacks a plot. There's broken story game links in there too but the writing is readable which is good :)

I'm sorry but this story is so crap, there are literally no words I can use to describe this story apart from absolutely dreadful.

I'm sorry, even for a first attempt, this story was still in need of further revisions and edits in my opinion. I would suggest fine tuning your grammar and writing by proofreading, but be sure to stray away from bland and tasteless plotline (like this one used) and instead use your time to create something that's both appealing and memorable.