Deep Inside the Forest

I’ve been looking forward to another story written by these kids because their writing is up to a similiar standard to mine and the best way to improve yourself is to look at others for inspiration.

Things to improve:
-Some of the dialogue is incorrectly structured and a lot of the sentences seem too be of a similiar length and structure. Perhaps ask the kids to add longer sentences into their work along with shorter ones: this will break up the paragraphs a lot and could turn this from hood to great.
-There’s a lot of ‘show don’t tell’ needed to improve this work. We get told all about the ‘man in black’ which makes the horror factor to the story a whole lot less scary. The best horror has a bit of mystery to it, so being told straight up ‘yes there is this evil person in the forest’ kind of spoils the surprise.
-The story can sometimes seem like it’s giving a bad message to kids. If I went to a house and the door started speaking to me in blood I’d run straight home, but in the book I this is a losing option.
-Harry potter just comes up, a lot.

Positives to the story:
-Obviously this was written by children as their second language, so it’s amazing when you keep this in mind.
-Despite the horror not being amazing, some of the scenes are genuinely disturbing (Eg: water falling from a bottle and becoming blood).
-This is very non linear, there seems to be quite a few endings despite its short length.

Keep those kids writing! I can’t wait to see what they come up with next, this is all very impressive!

Hi MR D . I LUV UR THESE STUFF

Cute, I got the zombie ending. And it had better grammar than the last zombie story I read even though these are kids that had to learn English.

Because nobody will believe me!!!

An interesting plot that's alright, the writing also wasn't great either but certainly not the worst.

fun little story and I absolutely adore the concept.

For what this was it really wasn't all that much of a terrible effort to say the least, there's some good writing here and for someone who is English second language the grammar is decent.

The story in itself is nothing super deep but with the plot that it has and the age of the writer this doesn't really matter and it still hits enough marks to establish itself in the genre it puts itself in.

I feel like if the writers of this story continue on trying out more stories then can become proficient enough to come out with someone great that'll really get good scores with everthing.

Overall not bad at all and hope the writer continues on with making stories.

Horror may not be the best subject for children since it relies so much on subtle details and atmosphere to have an effect on the reader, but just as a showcase of writing talent this was very good, much like the other one. Amazing these kids are doing this in a second language. There were some punctuation issues but nothing I don't see constantly from other stories here.

Still some spelling and grammar issues. Some parts are too repetitive. Not enough choices.

Harry Potter sucks but this story was pretty good, even if you can tell it was written by kids.