Player Comments on Escape the Snow Cave
The first thing I noticed was that a multitude of choices were being made for the reader without a chance for us to make our own decisions. Linearity is something that needs to be fixed immediately, to give the storygame a more branching feel. The character shouldn't be doing things and feeling such ways without any input from the reader.
Another things is how pointless the storygame seems. I get that the character is an explorer, but every explorer has a valid reason when exploring an area, be it ruins or something else of historical significance. The "Legendary Artic Bat" needs a story that intrigues the reader, and gives a purpose for the explorer.
It seems highly unlikely that the cave would be found so quickly and easily. I think way too much is occurring on the first page. It should be slower and more descriptive. A nice background sets the mood for the whole rest of the storygame and highly affects the rating given by readers.
It will take a lot of work, but with the right attitude and some persistence, this could much better and leave a nice mark for future storygames of the category to try and reach for.
on 3/28/2017 12:14:55 PM with a score of 0
The Snow Cave does not hesitate to dive right into the action. Playing the role of a novice explorer, readers must escape a seemingly desolate ice cave...or is it?
The choices are pretty linear in this story, with not a lot of room for exploration. I liked how we got to examine the sign in the beginning. It's minor things like that which really bring out the game and make it come to life. Other than that, however, we just don't get much of that.
I finished the game on my second play through. Overall, it's a good, quick read.
on 9/11/2015 2:48:49 PM with a score of 0
This was a decent story game, and it had a few good elements throughout. Your grammar is good, and you managed to prevent the game from being entirely linear. I have a few things I think you should work on.
Firstly, the story of the game was quite rushed. I felt as if the events of the game were happening so fast, and there wasn't as much detail for each as I think there should have been. Perhaps take the time to add detail and tension as you go; for example, if the yeti is about to appear in a few pages, write something about the character hearing the faint sound of footsteps, or a faint roar.
Secondly, your choices were a little uneventful. The paths were mostly guesswork, and I had to randomly choose paths in order to get through. To improve on this, you should add small hints. Perhaps write about a draft coming from one of the paths, or faint light coming from the other. Of course, you could add tricks; the light could end up being the torches you mentioned in your game, rather than sunlight.
Overall, your story has great potential, and, as it is currently, is not too bad. I wish you luck in your writing!
on 7/26/2015 7:36:30 PM with a score of 0
The grammar did not have any major mistakes I noticed. I'm no native speaker so I guess there could be some stuff I missed in that regard.
The writing style was quite simple. I noticed no very complex sentences.
The plot of the story, if you may call it plot, was extremely simple as well. You go to the arctic, you find the cave, the entrance is blocked, a yeti is inside and you need to get out. There could have been more depth towards that. The background why you are even exploring that cave is mostly missing. What exactly is a arctic bat? Also you just stumbling over that cave right after landing is hardly believable. there should be more of a background to your reason for exploring and maybe a few pages of searching for the cave. That would also lengthen the story and make the reader more immersed with the plot and the protagonist himself.
The ideas for the different endings of either the frozen crystals or the baby yeti were quite unique and interesting. The way to those endings however was pretty linear though. You gave the player little choice while fighting or escaping the yeti.
The story also lacked in the descriptive manner. At no point was I able to clearly picture the cave in my mind and feel like I am standing right there seeing the crystals. I also never got any idea how you imagine a arctic bat.
The last thing to be said is that I never really experienced any feelings the main character felt. I never felt with him. The protagonist seems to just be a shallow explorer only after money and fame. He has no depth.
From me you get a 3/8 because the idea was very unique and I did not find any logical or grammatical flaws. The story itself and the description and plot are too lacking to receive a better version.
on 3/3/2020 3:10:41 AM with a score of 0
It was ok but it was short there were only two-four moves needed to win.
-- Mathew on 5/10/2019 2:37:04 PM with a score of 0
I enjoyed the game, but I don't like that at certai points there is only 1 option, also, would enjoy if it were a bit longer.
-- Liz on 10/11/2018 9:48:29 PM with a score of 0
"Three days later, you are rich amd famous! You have proven the existence of the yeti and brought back a live specimen! Congratulations!
In case it wasn't obvious, you won the game. I hope you enjoyed!"
Yay, that was fun! I took the direct route and directly took away the Yeti baby and directly escaped. If only life can be so direct as well. ;)
on 8/17/2017 3:54:58 AM with a score of 0
-- Rosy on 6/14/2017 11:49:16 AM with a score of 0
-- Kid on 6/14/2017 11:45:45 AM with a score of 0
+1 for interesting idea, +1 for good grammar/spelling/etc, +1 for some nonlinear paths, and +1 for one of the better short storygames. It's nice that you jumped right into the action- no explanations were really necessary.
For a short story like this, your pages were a bit long. It's always possible to give the reader more choices (for example, let us CHOOSE to dive out of the way). But I did genuinely enjoy this. Nice job.
on 6/1/2017 1:41:22 PM with a score of 0
on 1/15/2017 9:09:39 PM with a score of 0
Eaten by yeti alive :(
on 12/20/2016 3:12:18 PM with a score of 0
-- JasonX on 12/3/2016 11:55:51 PM with a score of 0
Who knew it was so easy to become rich and famous? Lol, I enjoyed this quite a bunch.
on 7/28/2016 11:20:58 PM with a score of 0
I don't know why you commented on my story that the only options were "go left" or "go right" when that's what you did here and the game ends after two links. Aside from that, the idea is pretty well done
on 12/31/2015 6:56:50 PM with a score of 0
I won in three choices.
on 12/17/2015 3:35:07 PM with a score of 0
A short adventure that captures the feeling of the old CYOA books.
on 11/16/2015 9:37:21 AM with a score of 0
This wasn't really anything new or creative. No characters or plot really. But what more can you expect from a first story game. Not terrible, but at the same time, not good. This is a good start compared to the crap that people put on this site. 3/8. For now.
on 10/12/2015 6:33:38 PM with a score of 0
Pretty decent story but feels a bit too linear for my taste. It's either you take the right path or not, one of those stories, but since it's pretty straight forward it should suffice if you want something quick as there isn't any long passages besides the beginning and the author is even nice enough to provide you with a return to the previous page should you meet with a bad ending. It's okay
on 10/1/2015 9:14:49 PM with a score of 0
on 8/21/2015 2:29:45 PM with a score of 0
It's alright. But try to make it a little longer and with more action. Everybody loves action. You could have added a dog with the reader, or even captured the yeti and made it as a pet. Or bring home the yeti's baby! If it had one...see what I mean? You can make this little storygame a whole big thing! Use your imagination and don't fuss if people vote it badly. You can always ask me to edit/review the draft. ;3 In the future think what it could be, not what it can't be. It's your game, after all!
on 8/18/2015 11:57:01 PM with a score of 0
If this were my game id keep it to myself and not publish it
on 8/5/2015 7:05:59 PM with a score of 0
For an early work of writing, it is certainly not bad. The grammar was good, there were choices (though very simple and mostly involving guess-work and cheating), and there were no end pages of any kind (at least when I played through).
Overall, it was a good start. However, I will mention one thing: on one of the pages, you ask if the player wants to choose right or left, but only the choice to go left appears.
on 8/3/2015 11:53:51 AM with a score of 0
I really enjoyed the journey and the sense of adventure. I took several wrong/turns and choices and "cheated" to step back...but enjoyed seeing the outcome of the various choices and finally (through some back-stepping) ending the game VICTORIOUS! Who doesn't like a close brush with a Yeti?!?
-- phoenix_rising on 7/31/2015 11:24:09 AM with a score of 0
End game link on first page :(.
on 7/30/2015 12:50:32 AM with a score of 0
Keep writing. You have great potential.
-- Amdnarg on 7/29/2015 10:56:53 PM with a score of 0
Meh... You need to describe everything at its current state it is a 3/10
on 7/27/2015 9:03:01 PM with a score of 0
It was pretty decent. It could have been a lot better if you used the features of the advanced editor.
on 7/25/2015 6:13:45 PM with a score of 0
This was a fairly entertaining game, there are a few problems though, for one when you get to the fork in the path when going North, you can only go left, there are also a few grammar mistakes but they don't take away from the overall story.
on 7/25/2015 10:59:38 AM with a score of 0
I liked it
-- Dragon's Fire on 7/25/2015 10:54:55 AM with a score of 0
on 7/25/2015 10:51:12 AM with a score of 0