Goodbye.

Player Rating3.59/8

"#604 overall, #69 for 2015"
based on 143 ratings since 02/14/2015
played 2,575 times (finished 184)

Story Difficulty2/8

"walk in the park"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level3/8

"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

Tags

Drama

So, this story was inspired by "Farewell, my childhood self." I love tragic stories (Although they make me cry) and I wanted to make something like it. I'm sorry if it's extremely similar, I didn't copy, I just got inspired. So don't say "Oh, you copied!"

And I have also canceled "A dragons tale" Series because it was boring and stupid and I hated it. Lol. And if this has some weird parts to it, again, this is my fourth story and it's more focused on the Story part not the "CHOOSING" part so yeah. Hope you enjoy I guess.

Player Comments

This was very good, however the thing that makes goodbye my childhood self so heart wrenching is the obvious depth of bond between the characters and the detail of their time together. Also love how many route that story can go. This is a cute story, but it's missing some of that detail and connection. I was also kinda curious about the festival and what exactly this little girl had. I found it kinda funny when the mom said "she isn't feeling well". You don't go for the hospital and die because you aren't feeling "well"! It makes the situation seem less urgent when it is said that way. Anyway, keep up the good work and never stop writing. I hope I helped:)
-- bburger on 7/10/2015 9:52:24 PM with a score of 0
This is well-written. I enjoy your writing style and while the plot is a familiar one you put in enough details to make it sound almost autobiographical. I would call this a writing exercise rather than a story however, the romance is the entire plot and there is nothing too unexpected and no other significant characters apart from the two lovers. It sounds like somebody telling me about a real relationship they had.
Farewell my Childhood Self came alive because of the drawings while in Snow the language is brief and rich in meaning, in a tragic romance like this what goes unsaid is often more significant what is said so sometimes lengthy descriptions are not required (in places you do use short sentences to good effect). The multiple choices should be there so the reader feels like it is their experience: choosing which memories to re-live or which experiences to have with their special person makes the reader feel more like it is THEIR story.
Overall though it was a very good piece of writing and I'm looking forward to reading your next one :) 6/8
-- Will11 on 2/14/2015 12:31:11 PM with a score of 0
Okay, so first things first: you have a good writing style. The grammar is solid, the vocabulary well-chosen, and the story, as a whole, is well-written. I do think, however, that you are missing out on some of the devices available to you on this website. Being able to choose what the main character does draws the reader/player in. It gives them a sense of ownership, and allows them to connect much better with your characters. At the end of your story, I was moved emotionally, but not to tears. Your plot and writing style were good enough to move me, but not to really engage me--I felt like, despite the excellent transition to first person narration you had at the beginning of the story, I was reading someone else's story, rather than one I was participating in. See a game like Snow on this website--the story moves ahead, no matter what, but you are given several choices as to what you want to do. It draws you in and makes you a part of the story, rather than a passive 3rd part observer. If you can do this--allow the reader to make their own decisions, rather than telling them what they do--it will make this storygame that much more powerful.
All in all, a lot of great writing (the hard part). Just give us a few more choices to make instead of telling us what we do! :)
-- MagmaArmor0 on 2/14/2015 12:00:10 PM with a score of 0
This is such a sweet and sad story! I actually have seen something very simalar to it before. (no not "Farewell, My Childhood Self", it was a video.) I loved and hated this story so much. I hate it because it ended off with everyone still being sad. You never said that Naomi's sister and family were happy again. So that part made me a little sad, but other that that, this story was really well put together and adorable. Great job!
-- Samiha on 8/25/2017 4:50:02 PM with a score of 0
Aaah, the feels...

Your STORYgame is exquisitely crafted. Not flawless of wording errors, but they don't bring down the sad, tragic mood.

I've seen more than one story on CYStia with this crycry layout (Snow was the first), but it doesn't mean you copied. In fact, you've made "Goodbye" unique because of not only the emphasis on STORY, but by just about eliminating the GAME element.

Normally I wouldn't pay much mind to the GAME part in a STORYgame, but this goes beyond that. Not to speak ill of a story, but this IS a "choose-your-own-adventure" website, and storygames are CALLED storygames for their capability to provide readers with their own choice of storyline, which is something I can see this is lacking in.

In short, the writing is good, just implement the element (wow that rhymed) of choosing in your storygames to come.

Even with no choice in the matter, this is still worth my cents. 6/8.
-- AgentX on 4/7/2017 6:18:10 PM with a score of 0
WORST THING IVE EVER READ! HORRIBLE~~~~~~~~~
-- k on 4/5/2017 2:20:04 AM with a score of 0
Omg so sad
-- Emiliana on 4/1/2017 9:48:34 AM with a score of 0
Weird ending...it feels false and awkward.
-- Quorrah on 3/5/2017 2:07:49 PM with a score of 0
It was... okay
-- eshspoyeofdoom on 10/7/2016 2:45:52 AM with a score of 0
almost cried............just kidding ;)
-- gamer god on 6/24/2016 3:54:15 AM with a score of 0
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