Infeno Series#2 The 4 gods

That was certainly a little different from the other storygames I've read on here. It's fantasy meets Dragon Ball meets One Piece meets Harry Potter, just with worse writing.

It's at least got pretty good spelling and grammar compared to its literally unreadable prequel, but that's not saying much. Maybe this lack of attention to detail was offset slightly by the creative use of language including "thusfore", "doge", "undogable", "t6raning", "falsh", "marvloes", "disoreented" and "throught". Here's to hoping a review by Kiel one day (no I'm not going to invite him because this game is pretty damn long and he gets a lot of review requests as it is).

Talking of attention to detail, the game mechanics could have used a lot more too. The parts where you explore towns are full of bugs. I had to catch the "rabit" twice to get to the inn. I lost my Inferno scale at one point so I couldn't get taught at the school. Even where there wasn't a bug as such there was often sloppiness where the game would take you to places you didn't expect, and not in a good way.

I don't think the plot and the setting were particularly bad, but there was nothing really standout about them. I think the reason it felt so bland is that your characters didn't feel very developed. I'm sorry to say that even with supposedly emotional scenes and such, the characters felt rather one dimensional. Leo realised his family got killed by the white demon, but I felt nothing because there was no complexity of character there, only simple anger. Maybe you could have gone into more detail abut how he suffered after he was orphaned, how he managed to lead a normal life but always felt numb after the incident, how he revisited his destroyed village every year and mourned his family, how he's afraid of fire because of the incident. Little things like that can make a character more life-like, believable, relatable, but most importantly of all, interesting.

Barlow betrayed the party, turning insane and evil, but why? What motivated him? Were his intentions towards the protagonists good from the start or did he always have plans of betrayal?

Master Lee was killed but I really didn't feel bad because he didn't feel human. I knew very little about his personality and what he was like. It probably wasn't helped by such a cliche name for a martial arts teacher. There were a lot of other cliches and ripoffs from other works of fiction, chief among them "lightning blade" and "MUDBLOODED". Cliches are okay but when you go overboard it becomes a little difficult to take seriously, and I'm certain the intended mood of this story was serious rather than light-hearted and funny.

Dialogue can help a lot with characterisation. I noticed that a lot of dialogue was during the fight scenes. You can help the audience get to know characters through just normal conversation. Why not have Leo talk to Genra or Barlow during the voyage? It might reveal interesting things about their past or what their goals in life are.

Come to think of it, besides the odd exploring of towns, there was very little in the way of non-fighting scenes. It was almost always constant fighting, which becomes repetitive and tedious. You can have better pacing in a story by spreading out the scenes with high tension, such as action sequences.

I'll admit that part of me was glad when you said that your story is finished, but it's also kind of a shame that you ran out of steam and never got round to finishing this. It seems like you were in a real rush to publish this thing, and it shows with all the sloppiness and poor attention to detail. I commend you on writing a decently lengthy story, but that counts for very little with such an obviously rushed and poor quality storygame.

"Charge into the furry"
Lol

Well come back when you do finish the game.

WHAT THE FUCK. Such ghetto pictures. It could use more work, but I appreciate the effort. The pictures were kinda useless, though.

Had slightly better drawings than the first one. Also, better length and better grammar.
But it still wasn't good. 4/8

Don't make them start at the beginning, at least give them an option to just End Game and Leave Comments!!!

Grammar might've improved from last time, but it was still horrible. I do commend you for effort though, it was quite long, but the grammar turned me off.

Maybe I'm just tired, but I couldn't be bothered reading every page. Still, from what I did read, your spelling and punctuation got better!

Nice storyline good ending

this was a LOT better than your first one. a lot longer which is good on my opinion, but most of the pages had one choice which i kinda liked but not so much and finally there is still the grammar issue. but you did well 6/8

Half of it was just one-link pages and the rest was linear. I did not like it. 3/8