Player Comments on Inseparable

Inseparable was a fantastic story!

Unfolding different parts of the story as you visit different locations in the village was a really effective storytelling technique. Inseparable tells the story of 2 lovers, Mirk and Mondy, giving us a short glimpse into their lives. We play as Mirk, who's exploring his surroundings and as he does so, thinks about his past.

The start of the story was captivating, as we are immediately thrust(pun-intended) right in the midst of a sex scene, which is a bold choice but the author pulls it off.

From there, we find out that Mondy has an incurable disease, and is weak and bed-ridden. This is an interesting premise that immediately grabs the audience's attention. Right from the get-go, we're already invested in their love story.

As Mirk travels from place to place, we learn more about him, Mondy, and their lives through his stream of thoughts. Some places bring up memories of sadness, other places bring up memories of his love with Mondy, and so on and so forth.

This was a risky approach, primarily because switching back and forth from the past to the present could cause lags in the story because authors might focus too much on the past, resulting in the audience losing interest as the flashback drags on and on. But that was not the case here. The author keeps the flashbacks short and poignant, with each sentence really hitting audiences in the feels.

Each place in the village carries different memories, and each place really seems authentic. I could really imagine and envision what these places must have been like within the context of the disease wreaking havoc on the village. We see how the different locations were before the disease and after, which is really hard to pull off as a writer.

This story game was also a fantastic example of LGBTQ+ representation. There are very few LGBTQ+ stories on the site, and Inseparable is easily one of the finest examples of a gay relationship done right. Mirk is a 3-dimensional, fleshed out character that isn't just a stereotype or token representation, but a real gay man. The author took some care to show the depth of love Mirk has for Mondy.

Another really fascinating aspect of this story is how the author showcased the very real phenomenon where communities ostacrize marginalized groups when disaster strikes. This is something that has happened throughout history, when a group of people go through significant hardships, subgroups that were historically treated with disdain are now painted as the scapegoats and receive much more hate. This was a really important theme of Inseparable, and is also a really interesting instance of verbal irony, since the title of the story is "Inseparable", yet at the first sign of hardship, everybody from the priest to the housewives in the communal kitchen ostacrized the 2 lovers. It's really tragic how the village has a communal kitchen that, even in present day after the plague already struck, still had hot stew and potatoes available for the taking, yet that small bit of compassion couldn't be shown to 2 individuals who had done nothing wrong besides be gay.

I really enjoyed the insertion of the Emily Dickinson poem, the presence of items in this story was few and far between, so the one item that appears(poem) must be of significant literary significance. "Years had I been from Home" is a famous poem by Dickinson that beautifully offers a thematic parallel to Mirk visiting the village in the first time for a long time(for he and Mondy had moved to a home removed from the rest of the village after Mirk sold his stuff to pay for Mondy's treatment) as this poem is also about a speaker who comes back to home after a long time and experiences fright at the change that happened while she was gone. The poem shows how the narrator is more and more frightened of the home, with Dickinson making the home into a character of its own, questioning and accusing the narrator of what business they have there, until the narrator runs away out of fright. That was a masterful and intentional choice of poetry to enhance the overall story, because the plague/sickness wrought great change in the village, because so many people had left so the village became dead and as a result, the survivors were intolerant and homophobic.

I really enjoyed the suspense that the author builds when you try to visit the abandoned house, where the author keeps rerouting you back to the village by saying "You don't want to visit this place", naturally making us keep trying to get there. That was a unique piece of storytelling that led us to the final piece of the puzzle being revealed, how Mondy and Mirk got to where they are now, because Mirk sold his family home, business, furniture and everything to keep Mondy alive, at least for a bit longer.

Finally the multiple endings. They were all tragic, but tastefully done. Ultimately the endings were bittersweet(barring the one where you choose to abandon Mondy and then commit suicide, that was really sad), and they really stayed with me even after I finished the story.

I'll give this one an 8/8. The writing was incredibly well done, it was a very believable and heart touching love story with deep and complex themes. I don't know how it could be improved, it was really well done.

The following sums up what the core of the story is: ... warm memories of the time you had together flood your brain. You take them with you when you go.

Visiting the detailed locations in the story's setting, each location told a story of its own and you can appreciate the detail that went into crafting how each piece fit together to form the whole.

The search mechanic rewards the player by allowing them to discover even more in each location and this is a good devise to impart the little details that make such exploration worthwhile.

I do think the story would benefit by having the ability to circle back around each location, in case the player wants to revisit some of the warm and caring memories that all come together in the end.

If I had to go negative, it would be that I wanted more. More about the procedure done, more about the debt collectors and more about the special relationship between mother and son-in-law.

This might have made the story a bit larger, so I realize this suggestion may be out of the scope for its intended audience.

I can just imagine the angry puritans from the church, all gathering outside the poor men's house with torches and pitch forks, chanting, "It's Mork and Mindy, not Mirk and Mondy!"

Got to say, I was very surprised by the twist at the end. I congratulate you for giving End a run for his money in terms of edginess... Still, I found the relationship between the two men to be very sweet, and for some reason I couldn't really think badly of Mirk, even at the end. Poor little bugger. :(

Also, incredibly impressed with Mirk's stamina, since at the beginning, you have the option to just repeatedly make love to Mondy as many times as you like in a row without stopping... I guess when you love someone that much, your passion just goes on forever. (Also, very impressed with how well he was... "preserved"... Both inside and out. They must be some potent embalming oils.) ^_^

I think my favourite part what the abandoned building in the woods... By the third time I had to click on it, I was practically ripping my hair out with anticipation. I was like... "What? What's in there? What happened? This had better be fucking good!" ... And it was. I definitely didn't see that coming.

Reading through the comments has got me having second thoughts about the whole story now. I mean originally, I assumed the church and the mother turned against Mirk and Mondy's relationship because "God hates fags" and all that... But now I'm wondering what order everything happened in... I mean, after your son brings his recently embalmed lover over for Sunday dinner, even the most understanding mother is going to raise an eyebrow. :p

Any way, to sum up... Not exactly sure if it's what you intended, but this was a really sweet love story... I mean, yeah, it was incredibly fucked up, yet still, while the relationship wasn't described in a massive amount of detail, it came across very nicely just how happy the two of them were together... And I'm sure Mondy would have appreciated knowing that their love was strong enough to transcended even death itself. ^_^

WHAT. I laughed, cried and was kicking my feet all within like 10 minutes?! that- that was art.

🥀

7/8 - I really loved the sad ending which I got.

The writing was relatively simple in this story, the chapters were short, but everything which was said was efficent, i feel like mizal put her soul into this one. It like like this story was personal to her, like she can identify with some of the themes within the story, the writing wasnt complex, but i could just feel mizals energy and seemingly state of mind which she wanted us to feel while writing this, and maybe the one she was in while writing it, ooze through the screen and into me, which is what writing is all about, and she accomplished that perfectly here, grammar, writing style doesn't matter, if you can accomplish that, affect the guest emotionally, you've perfected your art.

This story wasn't really a choices matters story, despite whatever you pick to happen, they all end the same, with you with mondy. Oddly enough, i wont take any points off this story for that, as it feels like it shouldn't or couldn't have been any other way. This is my favourite story by mizal so far. The themes presented in it, of social rejection, the poem which represents perfectly peoples fears of going home, not feeling like its home anymore, so so beautiful.

overall, it was a short story, but i think that ended up being in its favour, it wasnt dragged out, it wasnt anything but it was meant to be, a story about two guys in love, loving each other to the end. Overall i gave it a 7/8

Mizal made me feel things from this story, it affected me emotionally, and for that it gets a 7/8. Best romance story ive read!

I think I read this on Wattpad one time.

amazing

Does it only have 4 endings?

not a good book

I enjoyed how you used the item mechanic in your story.

The human brain fills the gaps between the lines, and with it imaginations of the most fanciful ideas of love and devotion come to life. It's a fairly gnarly reality that the readers have to face with just the words alone, but that's not exactly a bad thing, especially when it's no different to how we view events in the real world. For the minimal words given, it tells ten times its volume in hints and passing comments.

The ending really snuck up on me. Before the morbidity of it all hit, I was fully engrossed in this love story. It was about when he was swatting at the fly on his eyelid that I slowly realized what was happening. Entertaining.

This is such a good example of how words and stories can have impact on our lives. For instance I will never have gay sex with a man's corpse now. Not even once. Not even if it's consensual. I've learned better now, thank your Mizal.

I do like the way the story doesn't really have "puzzles" but you still have to do a few things and pay attention before it will continue.

Man, did it scare me when I finally realized what had really happened haha. The men from their capital and their miraculous healing method...

Really nicely written!

Okay, I've left a comment here before that was kicked to the curb. So I do want to clarify — this is a very, very good story. The vocabulary is spectacular, the descriptive language is on point, no bugs or glitches.
There was also something about a corpse? I didn't get to that part, which is why I didn't comment on it. I also didn't get to it here, because I didn't explore that much.
And as for getting the gender wrong, well, shoot. That was stupid. I won't deny that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, I legitimately didn't notice I was writing from a female POV. I guess I just have not been around a lot of gay couples. No bias, just truth. This is not an excuse.
But: readers don't like it when people die suddenly. If there's a stupid choice that obviously leads to death, well, that's another story. They clearly want to die. But I didn't appreciate that here, while I was trying to save our lives, we died.
Lastly, there's no real plot. Mostly it describes the past, and we find a few meaningful objects that show our bond. Then there are a few choices that lead to death or endless happiness. Nothing wrong with that, I just would've liked to see more peril.

Again, I'm not hating. Mizal is one of the best, if not THE best, authors on here. I'm not saying I write better. Honestly, I prefer reading over writing. There are many parts of this I enjoyed, just not all of it. Maybe she was starting out here when she wrote this. I apologize for my earlier comment. And for Pete's sake — don't make fun of this. It's an apology (and probably a lame one) and if you just laugh, I guess you just... want to hold a grudge or something. I was rude. I was just trying to point out issues. In my foolishness, I left out the good parts.

Have a nice day.

It is really good, I thought that the person we were playing as was a girl until later in the story. I feel like the person you are should be described before you start the story.

was mondy dead the whole time?

Really good! I enjoyed the twist where he actually died. It confused me for a second, I thought I'd be like one of those stories where the main character realizes they've been in love with a long-dead person, but confusion is good! When it was sorted out it made it even better! Highly recommended.

I feel like this story was very sudden. Didn't have much context. How were we supposed to know that the hill would be too steep? There also were only three endings, two of which you both died, and one where you lived, with no way to tell which one you would die at. You'd think that you wouldn't die moving to the village to get a new home for the winter... after all, you were trying NOT to die in the freezing winter cold, correct? Oh well.
Also, there were not enough choices. I didn't know either of the characters that well and I didn't know which choice would have whatever reaction. How were we supposed to know that when she prayed for forgiveness she would hang herself the next morning? Very sudden, not a lot of choices, and didn't know the characters. Those were the problems for me.

its okay, if your bored

this is beautiful.

I didn't understand it really

It’s ok, but it’s short

holy crap dude...idek what to say...just, wow

WARNING: SPOILERS

The story, in the beginning, was very sweet. I really felt for the love between these two characters. And I really wanted them to be happy, I truly did. I really wanted them to overcome the unfair prejudice that they were faced with. I wanted them to be happy, in the face of all the horrors they had seen. Of course, simply by reading the summary, you can tell that there probably won't be any happy endings to the story. (I suppose, in a way, you could choose 'staying in the cottage' to be the happiest ending of the bunch.)

The writing was very atmospheric. Even though I knew there would be some sort of twist in the end (I read through the first few lines of one of the comments), I still didn't see that coming until after the protagonist entered the little old house at the end of the lane. It was well-foreshadowed, if you think about some of the comments made by the protagonist to Mondy while in the cottage.

I would've liked to know a little bit more backstory about what caused the sickness, and what the nature of it was. I also felt like clicking on 'search' three times while in the different places in the village was a bit repetitive - perhaps some of these could've been added to the room descriptions themselves. Also, sometimes we are told that we take items (e.g. the blanket, the food) that we do not actually pick up, even though the poem materialized as a physical item.

Overall, this atmospheric horror piece is a good read for anyone with ten - fifteen minutes on their hands.

nope

Well, reading this was quite an experience.

PLOT:
The overall storytelling here was well-written, and I liked how it progressively gets darker as the story continues, becoming disturbing and really sad at the end. As you explore your surroundings, you slowly learn more about past events regarding the setting and the characters, and while hints were cleverly left in throughout the story, the reveal at the end was jarring. All in all, the eerie storytelling and subtle hints leading up to the twist resulted in a truly haunting story.

CHARACTERS:
Even with minimal details, you can see what the characters are like, and you can see how the characters - particularly the playable character - are effected

Wow, this story was...something else. And I mean that in a good way. Okay, so where do I start?

This story was much more sad than creepy in my opinion. Mirk was a broken man who had sacrificed everything for the man he loved. His home, his business, his friends, his family, his very life. He sacrificed it all for Mondy but it wasn't enough. He couldn't bear to accept that his whole life, Mondy, was gone. So he acted like he wasn't. It is really tragic to see, and I think you managed to portray such hopeless denial in a wonderful way. I really felt bad for the guy.

Now, on to the big reveal. I think it was written in a pretty good way. There were many subtle hints throughout the story. Some good ones were the wivesmaids refusing to let Mondy in particular into the communal house despite enjoying his company previously, our mother telling us to let Mondy go after he got sick despite being happy for us earlier, and the fly landing on Mondy's eye. I think these were sufficiently subtle hints towards Mondy's deceased status. You didn't feel the need to bash the reader over the head with it which is always appreciated.

Now, as for the writing itself. This was a very well written piece. I don't think I saw a single grammar or spelling mistake. The descriptive writing was also spot on. You really managed to build a world and scenery with nothing more than a few words. All the dialogue, despite being understandably one sided, was well written and portrayed just how hard Mirk was trying to delude himself. It was an all around beautifully written story.

My only real issue with the story is that the gay sex scene in the opening sentence was a bit jarring and made me double take a bit. But, well, that could have been intentional. It just felt a bit odd considering how the rest of the story was written. But thats just my opinion, no reason to put much stock into it.

All in all this was a wonderful story. Beautifully written characters, great scenery, fantastic use of descriptive writing, good foreshadowing, and no spelling or grammar mistakes. I expected a great story from you and you provided one and then some. Fantastic work Mizal.

Mirk and Mondy... just one vowel swap away from being Mork and Mindy? Tell me I'm not the only person who saw this!

I used to know a guy named Norman Bates who would've loved this story... both he AND his Mother.

Dang...
Took me a while to comprehend what was really going on..

Chilling. I wasn't sure exactly where the story was going, but once it got there, it was very effective. However, I feel the story could have been a little longer, and there could have been more forshadowing. But, I liked a lot!

"This was not a game I would have picked up had I known the high sexual needs shown by the characters before."

This was my opinion during the first two pages on the story game. However, being honest, it's not so the case anymore.

I guess the start did put me on edge about the nature of the story, making me wonder if it was the same old kind of story about two people being madly, desperately in love, come what may (no offense to that theme either, but it's just not my cup of tea). However, I'm glad and proud to say this that the author has put my former opinion down big time. And I love it. This story, for me, was not what it seemed so at the start. It is much deeper, and much more developed, both character and plot wise.

I'll be honest, as mentioned before, the conception framed by the starting lines did set me off initially and I was uneasy reading ahead. But that really lasted two pages at the most. As you read ahead you realise the story has so much more to offer than two men going at it with each other (yes, sorry. It's not the gay which was a trouble for me, but just the concept of love making, in general. Anyway. It's irrelevant). Walking across the village, visiting different places from the past, the church, everything--that was the point where the story really took my attention. Reading about the disease and all other hardships faced was a real eye-opener and made me understand the intensity of the protagonist's loyalty to his loved one. Talking about love and loyalty, reading the bits about the mother inflicted a pang of hurt. It was almost like you could feel the hurt and betrayal felt by the protagonist and Mondy.

Mondy. The numb, stiff, dead as a log lover. Beautifully narrated. It was only towards the end that I was finally able to really understand the suffering faced by them. The protagonist's regret of not visiting the healer soon, of Mondy's almost death, the dilemma between choosing to stay or walking up the hill in the village, it all felt too real and too chaotic. The author really did hit the nail at the best spot towards the end in the part about going out in the snow. The part where he leaves Mondy and runs away to the church and later hangs himself was my personal favourite. I don't have an explanation besides the fact that it tugged at my heart the most. That and the other choice of staying in the cold together and dying were both nice. These two sort of add towards my opinion of the relationship stuff being shit, but honestly, the author has successfully managed to also make me consider the purity of emotions displayed.

Summing it up, it was an extremely well written and narrated story. However, that's to be expected considering it's Mizal. If you knew Mizal, you'd know that she's really not likely to add any dumb stuff in any of her works. It was completely worth the time and read. A great work. Plus it's always good to try out newer themes and genres, especially if it's from authors like Mizal.

Too short not romantic

I think I died.

Barring a few endings of other stories, this is probably the best gay romance I have ever read. Granted, I don't make a habit of reading gay romance, but this was the best all the same. I think the gradual reveal of Mondy's condition would have been more effective if I didn't know it already, but if I hadn't have known it, I probably would never have read this story.
There were not really any real choices until the end, which works given the length and style of the story, but I would have liked to have seen some all the same.
The main guy had sex just about every other page, but considering Mondy wasn't the talkative type, I suppose he needed something to do to express his affections. The beginning certainly was a memorable way to start a storygame.
The story was interesting throughout, and it didn't drag on in any place. It's short enough that one can read it in twenty minutes. So whoever is reading this and actually reads reviews before storied should definitely give it a try.
Unless you're homophobic, I guess. In which case, this is a safe space, and we don't want your scum on here anyway.

I enjoyed the story and also enjoyed the way it was made out.

That was so sad. I really thought the village just had issues with the main protagonist being gay but I suppose love can make you turn a blind eye to the truth especially when it's heart wrenching. Did Mondy somehow spread the sickness or was it some kind of "Black Plague"? It was good story to start the afternoon thought.

Short little glimpse into a world where love is a luxury, and survival coats every choice. Very enjoyable little tale. Thank you!

I'm a little confused. Was Mondy dead the whole time? If the goal was to make the reader feel unsettled and just overall upset then you succeeded

Like Bob before me, I gotta admit, this was pretty gay.

Well, I think this story was a very mixed bag. The writing was of the usual high quality we can expect to see from Mizal, and there's no real problems there. I especially liked the way the old house was done, I thought it was fantastic at setting the tone and giving the story as a whole a very eery vibe that set it out from the rest of the story.

However, the story was far from without its flaws. I thought it was really, really obvious from the get-go what the situation with Monty was, and I realized it almost immediately into the story, which kind of took a lot of the "oompfh" that the story relies pretty heavily on.

As well as this, I'd kind of had this whole thing done before. There was a creepypasta called Mason that's pretty popular, where similar things happen, a love story about a sick and dying boy where in the end it's revealed the protagonist still loves them "even as the maggots begin to eat through his flesh", and I'm pretty sure they were even gay in that, or at least the narrator was gay, so I didn't really find much new to enjoy here in the whole twist this is based on.

Another issue here was the lack of choices. Besides twp final choices at the ending, both of which just lead to a epilogue, the game was lacking entirely of any choice whatsoever. You just kind of explored, which while cool, wasn't really enough to carry the game as a whole, and was a serious drawback for a medium based on choice.

As well as this, and this is a small thing, the lovers' names were really off-putting. It was weird, I don't know why you chose them.

Ultimately, while the story was of top writing quality, that's kind of to be expected from Mizal at that point, and ultimately while it's an interesting and good game, I think it's kind of overrated, given its rave reviews, and I'm not entirely sure it deserves its feature spot, especially since I know you could do far better given what you've shown.

Despite all that, it's still a very good game and was enjoyable to play, and compared to the average shit we see it absolutely shines. Well done on your storygame, it was a pleasure to play through.

Kinda Gay 7/8

Unusual as storygames go. It's more of a meditation on a relationship than a drama built heavily on conflict. There is conflict, but it's mostly in the past. Almost a kind of interactive tone poem. Interesting as a form of experimental fiction.

eh its ok

this... blew my mind. near the end is when i realised what had happened... it was such a sad realisation. beautifully written game!

LIKE THE ENDINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice story. You did a good job conveying the emotions of the character.

:O woah - this was freaking amazing

I was honestly going to give this a 5 when I read the first page, but then it got all sappy and sweet, and I couldn't help but making my rating higher. The tone reminds me of Snow. One ending made me happy. Another made me sad. Another made me feel bad. Also, at first, I was worried that I would HAVE to pick the "make love with Mondy" link.
Nice one, mizal.

A beautiful and eerie piece that leaves much to the reader's imagination. I'm only sad that it wasn't a bit longer. The sense of loneliness and madness is evocatively portrayed and isn't held back by bad grammar and spelling.

I was blown away by the caliber of this tale. Your excellent choice of words delivered a compact and gripping story. I can't wait to read more of your work.

Disgusting degeneracy.

I read (and commented) on this storygame two weeks ago, but my mind keeps on coming back to it. The reason may not be what the author expects, for I absolutely love the narrative delivery especially for a shorter storygame.

Initially, the driver of the plot is the reason for the two's isolation. I wanted to know what happened and why it happened. It seemed to be a pretty standard occurrence. In the town, I was confronted with memories from a time long ago that were both sweet and bitter for the protagonist. I started piecing together the plot in what felt to be a very organic manner.

That is what I liked about this storygame so much. I was just wandering around a town looking for some supplies, but it used non-linear narration to fuel my desire to continue reading. I could feel the loneliness and the cold (both in the literal and metaphorical sense). Never once did I find anything that seemed forced upon by the author.

As for improvements, I can't point out much. There's no grammar or spelling error (an easy way for me to normally criticize). There's no plot-points that make no sense or "lol random" moments. Heck, there's no instance where I slogged my way through a section that drug on for too long. I can't even criticize it for being linear, for I do have choice as the reader along with not being shoehorned into a path.

Anyway, this is a great storygame that might even be worthy of a featured position.

Edit: nevermind that last part, after reading some of the comments it seems apparent he is some sort of doll oops

It was kinda short but I feel that the substance of the story makes up for it. It was well written and you set up the scenes and places with a good amount of description.

Spoilers.

It seemed to take quite the turn at the end, but it makes sense to me. While I can't be absolutely sure I'm pretty sure a certain somebody is probably a cold, stiff, corpse or something lmao.

I saw the ending coming, but I rather liked the story (for reasons most likely different than Dini).
I was very fond of the middle. The tone and "feel" was somber and cold.

I like the way how the story progresses throughout, and how you're slowly revealing the history of the protagonist and the overall setting. Though that story took a quite different turn than expected. I feel like I need a shower..

Mizal, I have to say that this story had me choked up. The way you wrote this book had a delicate somewhat feel to the book, and I loved how intricate it was, and the plot was really touching. Mondy is indeed like a porcelain doll.

I loved the serious feel to it, and I'm actually glad that you didn't write it for comedic purposes. I commend you on this game as it was beautiful and extremely touching.

I didn't notice that many grammar mistakes or misuses, and I'm quite relieved. As Alekos had stated, "the vagueness of Mondy and the entire village is amazing," is quite true.

You wrote the most heartbreaking and beautiful story which I have ever read by you. It was serious, tragic and it was filled with romance, and I adored it. Fantastic job, 8/8.

The vagueness of Mondy and the entire village is amazing. It is almost like Mondy is a doll, since almost everything the main character does for him seems so. But he is sick...so yeah. Good stuff Mizal!