Player Comments on Lets go to the mall

This was pretty fun to read :) I quite liked that there were pictures that accompanied the scenes of this storygame, they weren't distracting and they added to the humor. I suppose that this game was rather random, but I feel as if that added to the charm of the overall experience.

That was unusual but in a good way, it was original, differing and in places funny. The switch between First and Third perspective throws you but the pictures compliment the story so well though as with most random stories you can only take the plot so far before it starts to grate, you didn't make this TOO random or drag it out which is good. The game is not horrible or offensive but a fun way to pass 5 or 10 minutes :)

The writing itself is decent but a lot of the choices are false choices. I wanted to go to Macy's and I ended up going to Victoria's Secret instead. I wanted to leave the girl but no, I had to stay with her. This game would be a lot better if you let the reader actually choose what they could do.

That was alright I suppose. I felt like it was a little random at points and not exactly the type of story I’d normally read but I was rather amusing for what it was.

I guess I was just confused why you’re using celebrity photos for the different characters but I suppose that’s just a style choice. You think it definitely is a short fun little game just perhaps not my personal preference.

I guess I’m not as big a fan of fictional mall trips since I prefer to suspend my belief in more fantastical settings but this was well written just kind of wacky at times.

I went to the mall. Thank you, Tiff.

Some good stuff. On the plus side, it was pretty random and very funny in spots. On the negative, you totally need to learn the difference between 1st person, 2nd person and 3rd person point-of-views. Still, it was definitely worth playing.

It was alright, but felt a bit bland. Not the best game I've played but by far not the worst.

I found this from the 'Random' option in Search. I thought it was going to be some rubbish like the ones you usually get from this feature, because there is no quality guarantee from the rating filter. However, it actually turned out to be quite interesting!
From what I played, this story is about a boy trying to go to the mall and buy a video game, but runs into obstacles - and a girl. He gets into a fight with a strong kid and accidentally goes into the women's changing rooms!
I really liked how realistic and straightforward it was. The events that happened in this story are relatable and isn't over exaggerated. There were no spelling mistakes, which I'm pretty impressed about, because it's hard not to make grammar mistakes when you are focused on the storyline. The photos beside the story were awesome for decorating and helping the reader understand the character's feelings. You don't normally see pictures put into the story for other storygames, so I think you put a lot of effort into it and that deserves to be very appreciated.
Some things you need to work on are how the choices eventually lead you to the choice you made for the reader, after you click the first link, it will tell you something and then give you the second link as the only option. That doesn't really make it a choose your own story anymore.
There isn't a moral for the story, but that isn't necessary for every story. I think this would probably fit into Modern Adventure also, although Everything Else is a more suitable category because this story is based more on the realistic kind and not some large obstacles or problems.
Overall, I think you did a really good job understanding the likes and dislikes of your readers. If you haven't read it yet, I recommend it because it isn't too long and is definitely worth your time!

Uhhh it got really confusing at the end-but I liked it!

Chenny Bang? What kind of name is that? Before I have too much time to think about that, I have to figure out what “One of random summer day” means, too. This story is really not off to a great start, I must say… I do like the premise of the story, I enjoy slightly lolrandom stories where the reader tries to do something simple and just can’t do it for outrageous reasons. That’s what I’m expecting here.

The pictures are nice. I’m not sure if they actually add value to the story, but it does make the story different and a bit unique. The anti-picture part of me would suggest removing them and allowing the reader’s mind to draw the pictures themselves – they might be very different from the pictures provided. But they’re not too bad.

There were a couple of times where the point of view shifted, and that was distracting. For example, the story had YOU as the main character, but on at least one page the author refers to Chenny as “him.” That really takes the reader out of the story, even if only for a moment. There were a couple similar errors with verb tense in a few places, but not very many. Overall, it had good grammar, punctuation, and spelling throughout.

I really did like that there were many avenues to explore with this story. I felt like each choice I made was really going to affect the story, and that’s a big key to CYOA stories. And with a lolrandom story, it’s really important to make the reader feel like they are in control, at least somewhat. I certainly felt this way during this story. While I did get the girl on my first read through, other read throughs kind of made me afraid to talk to females at this mall: there’s some scary ones out there. This was a well-done story, thank you for sharing it with the site.

love this story .

this was funny af

Good job.

Good Afro-American humor.

Happy ending.

This game is way to random.

Went out to get an Xbox one (don't know why anyone whould want one.) and ended up getting two girlfriends, seems legit.

Just one question:
Why did I want to buy an Xbox in the first place?

Nice

No pants every way? dude

with no pants dude?

I went to game stop with DJ, it rocked

What just happened lol

You switch between first person and third person. Don't do that.

Aside from that, it's too short and boring.

... Is k.

Swagmaster, your game was just as bad, if not worse.

Well, the Deptford Mall.....

Not bad for a first attempt.

You kept switching between first and third person though. A lot. You'll have to keep an eye open for that in the future.

Why does the game constantly switch from the view point of first person to third?. Decent punctuation, but could use work. You didn't put enough options, and the choices I made don't count towards anything. It was funny at parts, but why does Chen have supernaturally bad luck?. Needs a lot of work, but you tried and you'll only get better, I can tell.

I don't understand why swagmaster dislikes this that much. It isn't my type of story, but it isn't terrible or racist at all.

This game is horrible and very offensive. This poor Chenny Beng kid. You should remove this immediately because it's just too mean. You sound like a bad person.