Love is for the Birds
love & dating
Commended by TharaApples on 4/19/2021 6:21:22 PM
, #22 for
Played 1,258 times (finished 86)
"Walk in the park"
"A nice jog down the driveway"
"Must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.
...and the squirrels. Sort of.
Written in six hours, for no other reason than to avoid consignment to the SHAME pit after my other Romance contest entry didn't want to cooperate.
“Depressed and Rejection?” Wow, that’s a tough start. It sets the environment nicely, though, and I like the first sentence and how it really pushes me down into the depths of despair. Good setup and background to support why I’m so disappointed in myself. The bird talking to me was a surprise, I didn’t know squirrels could speak bird. No matter, it’s set the tone for the story and I get what’s going on nicely. I do like the idea of the blue jay attacking the squirrel, too, as I can certainly see that happening.
The break with no choices on the first page makes sense because it’s a nice change of scene. I like that there’s a choice on the next page. I was a little disappointed that the choice didn’t really have any effect on the story. The advice of the fairy was pretty corny, but I’m not looking for anything seriously deep in a story with talking blue jays.
I did like the various options and directions the story took as it got further along. I enjoyed taking the time to try different paths and then back up, that’s always been my favorite part of these types of stories. There were some…weird things going on in there. I’m really not sure how a squirrel could mate with… oh never mind. This one was lots of fun and a nice short distraction, well done!
on 5/2/2018 10:54:42 PM with a score of 0
It looks like you took some inspiration from Disney's somewhat hidden adult humor. Nut jokes, racism, and even being a pervert were all here. I somewhat question the maturity level and the Socially Important tag. It also felt longer than just over 6,000 words, and I have no complaints from the length.
I find the humor to be funny. Perhaps this is a storygame that we should point young newbs to as an example of a good funny story. The plot made sense, it had choices, and it was a quick way to have some chuckles.
One thing I did notice about the humor was how it was explicitly connected to the plot. The story didn't stop in order to have some laughs, for the humor was instead the plot. For example, the quest to find the *Minor Spoilers* Jugglenuts *End Spoilers* was particularly funny. The fact that the game doesn't acknowledge the, ahem, implications of such a name and instead acts as though it is a perfectly normal name really helped the overall game.
I don't know if this game could've ended up receiving any higher ratings. A story about squirrels and their nuts is funny, but I doubt the humor could last for 20,000 words. Anyway, great job!
on 3/16/2018 9:57:36 AM with a score of 0
Well, I actually really quite liked this. It was a fun mix of genuinely funny bits in a kid-friendly matter, which is actually fairly hard to do. It actually was quite sweet, unlike pretty much every other entry we've got, with still enough more mature humor to be entertaining. It didn't even seem that short, given how small it's word count actually was, and seemed to just be a story that happened to be short rather than a story that actually suffered in being shortened.
I did, however, feel it kind of found itself stuck in between two possibilities, of being a genuine kid's story in and of itself that can be appreciated by adults for its humor, and being an adult's version of a kids story filled with humor a bit much for kids. I think it would've been a bit safer to stray towards one of those options than remaining in the middle.
Anyhow, it sure wasn't the big epic you always dreamed of, but I certainly enjoyed it. Although it had areas it was light in, there was enough for the kind of story you were telling, so it wasn't lacking. Definitely an example of how a story can be short while still remaining fun and entertaining.
on 3/10/2018 8:46:34 PM with a score of 0
there's much id like to say, but it seems as there isnt enough space in a singular comment box. as a squirrel from the bad side of the forest this feels very targeted. Also what great observational skills you exhibited when admiring your foxy aggressor.
— Black Squirrel on 5/16/2021 2:22:39 AM with a score of 0
on 12/7/2019 9:43:45 PM with a score of 0
This was a fun and interesting story to read. The comments about the squirrels other races kind of made me uncomfortable, but i see that was really for comedic effect. the overall message of the story is great, and it was a great way to simply show it off. It's still really weird though
on 12/6/2019 1:01:01 PM with a score of 0
Excellent story, once again. I’ve only read a handful of stories on here, but this was one of my favorite ones (seems to be a recurring thing with your stories, as I felt this same way about “Inseperable” and the uhh… the one about ‘stealing sexual relations from someone you have dinner with’).
And I never thought this would be the case about a story that included quotes like "Why would you ever want to think about some decrepit snaggle-toothed old lady squirrels while nutting?” and “nut for orphans.”
The humor in it was excellent. Not too blatant but done well enough to where it added perfectly to the story. From little things like the protagonist not understanding the Jay’s insult. Or the ‘black squirrels’ in a dangerous neighborhood, to the more blatant ones like the – oh so many – excellent ‘nut’ puns. I went through every alternative route because I wanted to know what would happen. The story did a good job of dragging me in well enough to encourage me to want to replay it several times to explore all the options.
The length was also perfect. Sometimes the longer stories can be a bit tedious, or at least a bit more of a mission or something I need to commit to reading. This was fun to read through and didn’t take up a drastic amount of my day, which was perfect as a method of entertainment. It certainly wasn’t anything I expected going into the story as well. I’ve realized through reading several your stories that I shouldn’t go in with any specific expectations, as the stories often go in a totally different direction. I went in expecting a more ‘normal’ type of romantic story, certainly not a story about a poor virgin squirrel attempting to find love.
Grammar-wise, I really don’t even need to get into this one. No noticeable errors, nothing that took away from it. Your writing style is great while not being dull, you write in a way that keeps me intrigued and I’ve noticed this in every one of your stories I’ve read so far. The pacing of it was great, nothing felt particularly rushed which is unexpected in a story like this which – as you pointed out – was written in six hours.
I’m amazed at how you were able to write this fun, quirky story that gave me plenty of enjoyment value in six hours. Excellent piece all around and I feel confident about my rating!
on 9/17/2019 5:52:04 AM with a score of 0
This was a pleasant and quick read with a couple of surprisingly satisfying payoffs; an absolutely ludicrous accomplishment for six hours of work.
on 9/13/2019 3:43:33 PM with a score of 0
Too long, make it simpler.
— Cassandra on 9/12/2019 12:09:18 AM with a score of 0
Lots of... nutting.
on 9/11/2019 11:09:32 AM with a score of 0
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