Merlin: Origins

An interesting premise which was well-executed.

The read itself isn't too long either (but I did not check everything, so who knows if I missed something). Further, the style lends itself well to a pretty entertaining read, and I would recommend people to give this one a shot.

I liked seeing your take on the setting, and I don't really have any complaints. I will say that I do believe that English was quite different back in those times, but this isn't really what the story is about, so I can hardly fault you for it (and it isn't like I want to read old English anyway).

I didn't find the writing to detract much from the experience, but as there were some issues, additional polish wouldn't hurt. However, this being a contest entry and thus having time constraints does make it more forgivable, but I would still advise doing at least one more pass when you have some time (but you obviously don't have to).

I feel there is enough variety with the paths, given the length, and me wanting to keep reading further is a good sign, aha. It does feel like the story could be expanded upon for some endings, but expecting an epic is unreasonable, and I think reading some other Arthurian inspired books might've clouded my judgement in this regard (as they were both longer).

A big plus of not being an epic is that the pacing isn't butchered (not that it would have to be, just that it is more likely to be). The only issue is when there is overlap in text across paths, but this is at least partially to be expected, and I don't think it is a big enough issue to warrant drastic changes. It might be worth trying to avoid in future projects, if there isn't a good reason to warrant not doing so.

So for the future, I suppose I advise trying for endings which are rather distinct from each other. I at least wonder if that would have made me like this a bit more, (but how they are now is not bad, I'm just wondering what would be something to do to improve, but perhaps that is better left for you to figure out).

I think this was a good take on the prompt, and the humour came across well for me.


Give it a read people who skip to the end!

This was quite enjoyable, actually, and probably Shadow's best storygame to date.

I didn't use the "Medieval Electricity for Dummies" cheat sheets, and I only consulted the walkthrough to confirm there was not some longer, hidden path I hadn't uncovered. There wasn't, and I think the guides and the walkthrough might be overkill.

And to be honest, the story was much more fun without them, especially the two Excalibur branches. So yes, we are all conscientious people here and we want to get the job done right the first time, and no one wants to admit they don't understand the fundamentals of how an electromagnet works. But the alternate endings where the gadgets go awry was laugh-out-loud funny: the wrong guy pulling the sword from the stone, or someone getting electrocuted, or Arthur's reaction when the Lady in the Lake repels the sword away from him.

The plague and famine paths didn't have quite so many absurd possibilities, and these were easier to figure out. I also noticed the most continuity errors here, such as the "three-field method" being referenced as a solution to the latrine problem, for instance.

I did go into this story expecting a longer narrative with more challenging problems to solve, but basically this is a story about be a modern-day electrician trapped in the days of King Arthur, trying to impress Uther Pendragon with the impressive array of powerful batteries and miles of wiring that just *happened* to make the journey back in time with me. The fact that I've never read Twain's "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" or seen the movie perhaps helped my impression, as I was never inclined to make comparisons.

If I have any complaint, it's with the branching structure -- but I suspect that Shadow and I have opposing approaches on this. My stories branch like trees, with shoots leading off wherever opportunity allows, and with any one path taking its sweet time toward a conclusion that may or may not be a "win." If you were draw this structure out on a piece of paper, as I routinely do, the pattern would be organic in nature: asymmetrical and rather maze-like.

The branching structure of "Merlin: Origins," however, would look more like a snowflake: symmetrical, regular, measured -- a mathematical polygon. Each branch spreads into the same number of endings, and each is about equal in length. Many of the branches even resemble each other, with repeating elements that appear over and over.

I'm not saying that this is bad, or a detraction; I'm just pointing out the differing approaches. Recently, Shadow seemed to struggle with one of my storygames, and particularly the fact that not all branches led to a favorable outcome. However, to me the structure of "Merlin" became too recognizable as I continued reading, like I was navigating a grid. Once I learned the basic story elements, the particulars of each path became less relevant; I never doubted where I was in the story, and soon I was just picking parameters and clicking ahead to see what the outcome was.

Po-TAY-to, po-TAH-to. I enjoyed this story, and rated it a 7/8.

Too short

The premise that Merlin is a time-traveling archeologist who created this myths with technology? Amazing premise and an incredible example of a literary paradox! I do wish it could've been longer, and perhaps had some more choices. But a very good story, regardless.

Very good. One of the better punctuated games here on CYS. The writing was good. The only thing that I wish was different was that the story ended just as I felt like it was beginning. I wish there was a full-length fantasy adventure story with Merlin Ambrosius's complete adventures in the King Arthur universe.

I liked it and I think you should make another one about Merlin.

I was assigned to pick a story for homework and I'm glad I chose this one. It was fun and educational in a way. Thank you!

This is a fantastic short story about telling a lie and trying not to get caught for the rest of your life. Give it a read.

There once was a storyteller named Shadow,
His words flowed like water inside a grotto,
Soon the site had caught on,
To his mischievous con,
So he shouted "Dónde está el baño?"

This is a pretty solid story, and you're absolutely going to win points from me with a creative take on a prompt. I think the strongest aspects in this one nearly all come from its comedy: the absurd hilarity of seeing Arthur and his father getting shocked and "denied" by the sword was great, and it kept me searching for all those death endings.

That whole half was excellent. Really well done.

The other half, while still serviceable, seems to suffer from rushed-itis. I'm glad I went down this path first, because it would've been far more difficult to get through if I'd read the other portion first. I'm not sure if it's that my pickiness increased due to the nature of what I was reading, but I detected far more spelling and grammatical errors on the plague/famine side as well. Of course, the reused text didn't help.

Let's end on a positive note. I find the little personable details in this story really great. The example of this that sticks out vividly in my memory is the portion where Merlin is leading the knights through the forest, and notes that he's being careful not to slip on the uneven ground. This, of course, makes me think of another path in which Merlin slips and embarrasses himself in front of the soldiers, after pretending to be some grandiose being. It's probably just me, but I found that pretty funny.

6/8, really good.

While it wasn't very long I enjoyed the story and the puzzles were nice. Bonus points for the play on the theme haha.