Player Comments on Mole

Disclaimer: I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. Sherbet likely knows more about writing than me. And to those of you who haven’t read the story, beware of spoilers.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Right away, I see that it’s exactly 4000 words. That reminds me of my last essay for university. But onto the story, I like the repetition of gray to show the monotony of the place. The lack of stimulation is a good setup for the addiction, and I like how the description becomes more vivid when it concerns smoking the moss, from its taste, to its appearance, and the effect it has on the protagonist. There’s a nice call to action: the protagonist’s stock of drugs need to be replenished and the only way it can be done is through a high stakes mission. Also, I knew this was Sherb's story as soon as I saw the first em-dash.

NARRATIVE STYLE

This storygame consists mostly of dialogue, which makes sense as it is centered around an interrogation, but it has some good description too. First, let’s talk about the dialogue. It delivers information without any relying on exposition or infodumps to keep readers in the loop. For instance, readers are given enough context clues to figure out that Conor is dangerous to the Dominion but somewhat of a hero to the prisoners, even though the protagonist obviously knows more about him than the reader does. Similarly, worldbuilding is done subtly in this way. There are references to elves, tribespeople, and the Dominion, all of which are never outrightly explained but interwoven into the story, making the world feel lived-in.

There’s some strong description too, mostly of the torture Conor endures. This creates a sense of pity for him, given that he winces when he breathes and is covered in his own dried blood. It also serves to reinforce the bloodthirsty, barbaric nature of the Dominion. This is especially true when it comes to the differing descriptions each time the protagonist chooses to reset him. And it was interesting how withdrawal is described as black lines beneath the protagonist’s skin; the more he smoked, the more he needed to ward it off.

PLOT & CHARACTERS

I liked how the protagonist is both a mole and a mole (sorry, I had to make the pun). He had a clear mission: to interrogate a criminal and get moss. The voice on the other side seems to want the criminal to be killed, even though that would mean they lose vital information; foreshadowing, perhaps?

Either way, it’s clear from the first question that things aren’t as they seem. Already the protagonist has heard a different version of the story of Conor and the Maw. Conor, too, was a prisoner and a mole (the betrayer kind, not the animal—yeah, this review could get confusing fast). He tells the protagonist not to trust the Dominion. The hero aspect of Conor's character is revealed when the protagonist learns that he found out how to survive the monster and then taught it to escape.

The protagonist, despite being morally grey, is sometimes conflicted due to his moral compass. For instance, he wonders if anyone should have the tech to reset someone’s mind. And while he is ultimately driven by his addiction, he knows that the longer he’s without the drug, the more likely he is to return to ‘depths that a past version of you wouldn't be proud of’.

The story also delves into the wider stakes for the world which are at play, like the problematic possibility of the Dominion being able to control the Maw. Conor has a strong hatred for the Dominion, mostly because they don’t see the prisoners as people, which is alluded to by the person who seems to want him to get reset. He cares about the other prisoners, but most of all, he wants his daughter to be safe.

Speaking of his daughter, at first, I wasn’t sure why he had to be reset before a question could be asked about her, but it shows how strategic the protagonist can be. There’s also the immoral aspect of lying which the mole isn't fully proud of, yet another part of him enjoys the temporary feeling of power.

ENDINGS

Grey Dominion Ending: This is the corruption arc. Feeling powerful after what he did to Conor, and giving in to his addiction, the protagonist works with the enemy and helps them with crimes. I would have liked to see the wider impact of this, especially with all the build-up of how bad this would be for the other prisoners and Conor’s reaction to being asked the question about why he hates the dominion so much. But still, I suppose on this path he has accepted the darkness within and so that sort of information wouldn’t matter as much as satisfying his addiction.

Paid Ending: Here, the protagonist decides that enough is enough, and makes the moral choice. I like the line, ‘you just finished your first dance with a terrible darkness inside your damaged soul, and if you were to submerge yourself entirely, you're not sure that you'd be able to find your way out of that darkness’. Both this and the previous ending are realistically in character given his conflict. Yet, the outcome of this has also been foreshadowed—the dominion views their prisoners as disposable, so they reset the protagonist and the whole reformation arc is forgotten (along with the information he learnt). This made me wonder if there’s a good ending.

Terminated Ending: Seven times. That’s how many times Conor had to be reset in order for him to die. This ending reveals more about the lore of the cave-dwellers’ addiction, which is rooted in their biology. His powerlessness to this infection makes his reaction to having a taste of power more realistic. Ngl, I wanted to see if there was a secret ending like with Siren. I even checked to see what would happen if I got the Grey Dominion ending, reset, the Paid ending, reset, and then the Terminated ending since that’s the only way to save the world. Perhaps this time, the termination isn’t due to a mistake or corruption by power, but out of sacrificial heroism. Though it does make sense that there are no happy endings when one is born as a slave to addiction.

TL;DR

This was a strong dialogue-driven story. The main character was characterised well and the scope was contained while establishing a clear personal goal. While it would have been nice to see the wider world consequences play more of a role in the story, given the word count limitations and morally gray protagonist, it was strategic to focus on personal stakes.

Really, loved that story. I secretly hoped I could get enough information out of him to control the maw when the dominion inevitably tried to feed me to it. But the endings that were there (I found three) were fun as well. Very cool and thought-provoking story. Stanley Milgram would be proud.

simple and fun

7/8- very enjoyable. I liked how the options continued to build, and how a correct sequence needed to be made to reveal each response. Not too many of those here.

This story, I know, was intended to be short, but the world desperately leaves me wanting more. This is the only game from the Thunderdome that I thought incorporated both puzzle and story really well. If Sherbet ever wanted to make more in this world, I'd love to read it. Alright, onto the review.

The Good:
Most of the story, if I'm being honest. The world building, characterization, and of course, the actual writing of the story. I love the way Sherbet portrays addiction, not as something all-consuming but as a necessity, like someone receiving food. It really speaks as a testament to Sherbet's story that he can make anything realistic and dystopian at the same time.

The Meh:
While the scripting and variables were good, it left something to be desired. I think more could have been done using it, maybe cutting down some of the lengthier parts or giving different responses after resetting.

The Bad:
Obviously, the length. Although I know it cannot be helped. As I previously mentioned, more from this world would be AMAZING. Please write a sequel, or a prequel, or a side-quel. I'm begging you, Sherbet!

Personal Notes:
Easily one of my favorite short games on the site. Great job, Sherbet! This is a fantastic story for the time allotted. 7/8
(P.S. Obviously not a transferred comment, I just wanted to actually review the Thunderdome entries once the competition was truly over.)

An excellent example of what grimdark should be. Excellent implied worldbuilding and character development without resorting to lore dumps or extended internal monologues. I got to three different endings (Terminated, Grey Dominion and Escaped) and each was satisfactory if dark and ominous.

Story D was awesome! It's so simple, yet so brilliant that it took my breath away. It's a cat and mouse game, where an interrogator attempts to get information from a suspect who continuously denies everything. I loved the way that we had to probe and be careful with our questions, and essentially follow a specific line of questioning. I loved the concept of resetting, I thought it was pretty creative, because even though you reset their memory, they're still the same person so if you try the same strategy 1000 times, you'll be stuck there 1000 times. But the way the MC played on the suspect's uncertainty and fear of what he might have said when he was reset was a cool strategy.

I loved the world building, and the integration of sci fi elements like mind resetting into a grim dark story.

I especially liked the "Terminated" ending where you reset 7 times. I'm adding this to my original comment since I didn't discover it till reading Mystic's comment. I really liked how the game punishes you for using the reset button too much. I didn't even think to test that the first time around, but I really liked how the person on the ear piece gets increasingly more wary as it becomes clear the mole is resetting the target as a power play. Nice touch!

This story was perfect, and was even more impressive because of how much it was able to communicate in so few words. Bravo!

As someone who struggles to write evil characters, I find the Caver to be a fascinating protagonist. He originally starts off as someone just doing a job to satisfy his addiction, but soon a Pavlovian relationship is introduced. He comes to enjoy the acts of sadism, perhaps because of the reward linked to it. Great job at making a character that is both relatable and evil!

P.S. I tried to recreate the comment/rating but I honestly don't remember what rating I gave it the first time around. Congrats on the win! :]