Proof of writing
A
fan fiction
storygame by
Zelefas
Player Rating
?/8
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
Based on 7 ratings so far
Story Difficulty
1/8
"No possible way to lose"
Play Length
2/8
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
Maturity Level
1/8
"Appropriate for all ages"
Stories with this maturity level will not, by design, have any potentially objectionable content. An example of a type story with this rating would be a quiz on mathematics.
Tags
No tags
A short story from a potential Living World Designer
Player Comments
I really liked the way this was paced, as in you do a good job mixing in the mystery of what's going on around you with establishing a proper setting/mood. Things don't stay still either, you change things up at just the right pace where it doesn't feel too jarring or too boring either.
Other people have already mentioned the broken "hunter" loop you can run into. Even ignoring that though, the game feels incomplete, the best ending still feeling like a cop out somehow despite it technically being better than the other endings.
Also why does praying on the second page suddenly end the game when it doesn't do that the other two times? I thought that was some sort of meta commentary at first but now it seems like you just didn't want to bother writing that path and just said "Screw it!" and just ended the story immediately right there!
TL;DR You actually are on the right path, normally I'd say the lack of details in certain parts are a hinderance but given the fixation on doors and key holes and what not it fits well given the "gamey" feel your going for. Literately just finish your story and you'll have something good here, but as it stands, it left me wanting more and not necessarily in a good way...
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—
Alienrun
on 1/19/2025 5:34:52 AM with a score of 0
There is some atmosphere building up here, clearly leading to a horrific climax, but some game mechanics leave me circling aimlessly, being chased by the nameless creature.
It's a good way to build the story- describing in a limited, strange vocabulary, hinting at the time and place and history that may have led to this. No spoilers from me! But if the writer can complete this story with a fitting ending, I'd be willing to rate it much higher.
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—
JohnX
on 1/17/2025 8:09:51 PM with a score of 0
This story seems to be incomplete. Either there is an unexpected ending, or I get stuck in a loop where I'm being "Hunted", which does offer some ways out, but those only lead to the "Hunted" page again.
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—
Kurt_Woloch
on 1/17/2025 1:07:30 PM with a score of 0
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