Player Comments on The Time Machine Episode 1: Time Travel

Time Machine part 1? Like the fact that there's a real-life gamebook series which was also called the Time Machine? Oh, this one is different.

I thought this was fairly decent. It was more of a linear puzzle-solving game than any actual time-travel - the game feels like it's teasing in that respect. It might as well be about finding the missing pieces of a jigsaw! All you really do is build it and then the game ends.

As for the missing pieces getting lost...it started to get a little silly.

a) Somebody took one of the missing pieces out of your room...put it in the basement, LOCKED the basement, and chucked the key in the freezer
b) A random dog snuck into your room and grabbed another piece of the time machine (but only that one piece)
c) Someone grabbed the crystal from your room, went to school and put it in a locker (you are able to identify exactly which locker it is and have a 1/3 chance of knowing the combination even though there are probably thousands of different combinations)

Aside from all that, it was still decent and very fun. I loved how you could choose to pick up your skateboard and *still* walk to school. With a bit of work it could be a very good storygame.

The first thing I noticed is that the writing is very choppy and simple. These sentences are averaging around six words each, and lower the quality of the storygame. I recommend combining some of these sentences and improving the complexity of some of your words with more detail and backstory.

The use of items is completely unnecessary, since you add a link to use the item, rather than the reader having to use it themselves. For example, on the second page the reader receives a large package. Instead of getting to use it, there's a link to open it. This makes the item completely unnecessary, but I guess you were just experimenting with the advanced editor.

Foreshadowing is neccessary in every storygame (in my opinion) because then the reader has no clue as to what will happen. One example is how the reader has an option to build the time machine rather than go to school, but there's no foreshadowing to say that the crystal will break (spoiler!) and that's the end already.

This isn't a bad story at all, and I like the idea behind it. I just wish it was longer and provided more detail and backstory for our character and the situations we face. On a final note, you did pretty well with proofreading, because I didn't no notice any errors in spelling and grammar.

3/8

Awesome Does Not Approve!
This game could have potential. It doesn't have it, but it could. I mean, it shoves you along for the ride, and there isn't much time to think other than to click random links.
One thing, how the heck did the gear turn up in the basement? Did I miss something? And why does my family keep the keep to it in the freezer? A bit of backstory and a thicker plot would've helped here.
Another thing, going to school. Is that whole trying to make it on time and leaving just a big excuse to hide the crystal there? I would add more to the school element, if not delete it completely. Just a couple things to think on.
Add an actually plot, and a richer story and vocabulary too.
3/8

Bruh

My class and I read this story in our language arts period. It was honestly really fun and I enjoyed it.

I think what you have created is super cool!

A very good story had a lot of fun reading it and going through the experience.

A very good story had a lot of fun reading it and going through the experience.

I really liked it. It was fun to choose my own adventure. In reminded me of a couple of R.P.Gs I have when I got to choose the rooms to go into and what to do in them.

squirt gun pew pew now dog is wet haha

VERY SWEET

While the game was pretty shit, I've got to say that I found it really endearing. It gave me the impression of a young kid who doesn't quite have the literary or coding skills to come up with something particularly good, but who at least tried their best to put together something enjoyable.

... Of course, I could be wrong and this game could be the result of a lazy adult, but the concept and puzzles gave me the impression that the author was at least attempting to make a decent game with a fun premise.

The puzzles... Were stupid and made no sense. All of the items were found in ridiculous places. The game itself was completely pointless. But you know what? I don't really care. The game was super cute and wholesome.

3/8 I have nothing else to say

awesome game

It was fun it could be a good story if you continue it.

OK, firstly, the game part of this is decent. Finding the missing pieces is a simple but effective way to structure your game and I think it's good that you attempted to make it into more of a puzzle. However, there were a few things that didn't make sense. Firstly, how did all of the pieces suddenly get lost in those places? It seems somewhat impossible for that to happen. Also, finding a key in the freezer is a bit odd. If you work on making the pieces fit together AND make sense, you'd be on for a good story, as I like the 'build a time machine' idea.

The dog that bites you has rabies??? How!

Plus, the dog that you sprayed with the water gun has the bolt, the crystal's in a locker, and the gear is in the basement? I don't see how the heck the gear got in the basement.

A little short

Meh... It's very short and doesn't have much description. Once you go out the house to look for pieces, there is no way back in the house. Don't waste your time reading this.

Fun..and kind of hard to find all pieces but there are spelling mistakes.

It's not bad. Background needs explaing in more depth as to why the key to the basement is in the freezer etc. This has the basis of a good game but needs to be expanded.

It was okay, but it was very short.

It was a fun story. The use of items in this game is really interesting too.

Reads like it was written by a 10 year old, or worse yet, by someone trying to seem "cool" to 10 year olds. If you're on this site you're old enough to be using the computer by yourself, which means you're too old to waste your time on this story.

This is good, 5/8 for effort.

Pretty cool, I liked it

Not bad, I think I see potential, but it could use some fleshing out and editing.

Awesom

... Great Scott! This is heavy!

lemme grab my crystal, gear and bolt and create my own time machine...

kind of fun but could have been better.

The ending is too sudden. Other then that, it's got great potential

fun!

Ok game. It seemed to go a little fast.

Random

Great game!

ending could of had more than one location

I liked it XD I see there's a second part, so yay :D

Not allowing me to return home at points was really really annoying. Not much else I can say. Add more substance to the next addition.

this was definitely interesting. but i think you should make sure that you at least LEARN something from reading books in the library. but that's my opinion.

That was pretty good 6/8 its better then quite a bit of the junk ppl call storygames on this site

Not bad. It created anticipation for the sequel and gives the reader the feel of an adventure. Just a ton of spelling and grammar/syntax mistakes and no logical explanation how the parts ended up all around in random places.

4/8 still. I'm sorry, I was wrong. You can get back home with the bolt, then the jewel, you just have to confront the dog a second time!

4/8. You can't win if you get the bolt before the crystal - because you can't go back home.

Re: Rommel
By 'Your lockers' I mean your school's lockers.

not long enough, and shouldnt you know you're own locker combo?

Nice story, Rodney! I can't wait to read the others!

I do not pretend to understand how the machine parts ended up in such random places, but this was still a decent story. I wish it had actually been about time travel, but I laughed most of the way through.

This is a great game! PLAY IT!

That was a fantastic game. Good grammar and everything. A six out of eight easily.

It's a start to a cool series.

Nicely written and good use of items. My problem is twofold: First, it's unrealistic; not the time travel part! The fact that all the pieces in my pocket, even though I went right to school, just ended up in random places. Second, I wish you would have written about the actual time travel, instead of collecting a bunch a pieces.

good- for use as a torture aid

Thes was a great game!

This is a very interesting game for sure. It's good to have games like these.

You should try and get a bit more story in. Maybe a few jokes even. Nice concept anyway.

Yay! It's finished! I really like this game! I have to say it was short.but still good! Lookin' forward to the next one!

I can't win. The links on the locker combinations for the bottom two don't work. Please fix.

your time machine parts have expired? what the heck! that makes no sense! and i found this line in the library, "Several poeple are reading on the coaches." on the coaches huh? what kind of school is this? lol

I can't see any problems with it. Try it again and see if the same problem happens.

Nice game, except, you can't win. There's no link (not even a Go Back or Reset link) on any of the locker combo links. Fix this up and then re-publish it.

Is this game unfinished? The school area leads nowhere as it seems, and there are no 'back' links.