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The Fall

28 days ago

So, waiting around to be told I'm an absolute shit author ( AKA Waiting for the results for the noob contest) has filled me with nervous energy. For some reason I've decided to write something to help let off some steam. So I guess here we go.

The Fall

Pacing like a caged animal, Arthur was busy planning his next move. 'I have to make sure this surprises Guinevere. It would be really bad if she caught me in the act. That would be hard to explain' Arthur gave a light chuckle, truly that was understatement. ' Either way I have to do this tonight, the full moon is important. '

Suddenly Arthur stopped pacing and snapped his fingers. ' I got it! I'll sneak into her room while she is in the library. Yes, that should give me time to set up the flowers. Hopefully this goes well. Though there is that saying about best laid plans and all that. Oh well, nothing ventured nothing gained.'  With that the Hero of Camelot set off on his hardest misson yet.

Taking a moment to settle his nerves Arthur sat on his lovers bed. ' The moon is full, the flowers are laid out everything should work out. I just hope the advice I got holds up.' With a deep breath, Arthur continued trying to pysch himself up. ' I pulled the sword from the stone. My sheath was made by fae. For Lords sake I am the hero of Camelot! I can handle a woman, right?'

Shaking his head to clear the little bit of doubt that had been sneaking in, Arthur did the only thing he could, wait. Soon enough he heard the door creak open. Standing There, beautiful as always was Guinevere. For a brief moment she tensed up, before recognizing Arthur. 

"My goodness! What are you doing here my lord?" A soft, delicate voice could be heard. "Oh my, why are there flowers everywhere?" With a smile Arthur responded. " I had to make sure the room was a lovely as you are. I had to get advice for Morgen." 

That last bit came as a surprise but she let him continue. Pulling out his holy blade,  Arthur spoke. " On the honor of my blade I have a question for you."  Quickly thinking she had figured out what was going on Guinevere spoke excitedly. " Anything my lord!" With a smile he walked forward.

"Would you mind dying for me?" With all the speed and skill he had earned over countless battles, Arthur removed his lovers head from her shoulder. The quiet only remained until the head hit the floor. 

The next sound was a light femine chuckle, as Morgen stepped out of the shadows. "Good my Lord the ritual us complete. The betrayal Merlin spoke of will now never happen. Hope it was worth it." With her peice spoken she faded back into the shadows.

Arthur sighed so did he. The needs of the many outweighed the few. Mordred must not rebel, Camelot must not fall. This was for the best.

 

 

 

 

The Fall

28 days ago

Thank you for providing something that can hopefully help me improve.

The Fall

28 days ago
I'm having trouble identifying the tone here, because the sudden head chop just read as hilarious to me, but I don't believe that was what the story was going for. Except I'm not actually sure, because he makes a quip while he's doing it and the whole thing isn't exactly rife with the internal conflict and so on you'd expect if it was serious. I do have to say this managed to be way more interesting and entertaining to me than most Arthurian stories though, even if it may not have been for the reasons intended. It's not a genre I've ever been able to get all that into. More of them should include Guinevere suddenly losing her head.

The Fall

28 days ago

It wasn't meant to be a huge internal struggle. I was going more for the neccisary evil. He might feel bad but he'll never regret it. If it works that is.

The Fall

28 days ago

Amazing 

The Fall

28 days ago
Will the sequel include him and Morgana munging?

The Fall

28 days ago

before continuing,  I hink you should consider fundamental questions of tone and character motivation 

The Fall

28 days ago

That's fair. Also rereading, it feels a little rushed.

The Fall

28 days ago
<500 words! I approve! Writing short pieces is good, it allows you to really polish it until it works exactly as it should. This is the best way to get good as a writer.

I loved the idea and the twist is great. The monologues in the beginnig are a bit strange and has show-don't-tell problem. Why don't you give him a sidekick who helps carrying the flowers. This way things could get set up in dialogues. Actually why not tell it from the perspective of the helper.

The twist has to be foreshadowed a bit more. Arthur's helper could actually try to discourage him while they carry the flowers. Of course Arthur responds with an uncharacteristically harsh reply. Making the helper wonder if Guinevere is slowly subverting him, like Merlin said she would try.

The final twist needs a bot more drama. Somehow the "removed ..." is too casual. We need to see the crucial scene in super slow motion.

Finally to lend some more plausibility to flower plot we absolutely need to see Guinevere let down her guard. Have her pick up a rose (its England after all, people get killed over roses a lot) and turn her back on Arthur.

The Fall

27 days ago
Well anyway, issues aside, I enjoyed this tale of Arthur taking out his holy sword to get some head from his wife while his sister watched.

The Fall

27 days ago

I did notice that bit about him pulling out his sword and considering his "fae sheath."  It was not too subtle to elude me.