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Okay, so I'm working on my first storygame, Hatred. I don't think it's good, but a bunch of my friends and family have told me it's really fucking good. Would anyone like to read it for me before I publish it?

Well, it's only four pages long, so I can't really judge it yet.

You need to work on your grammar, but the premise is interesting.

I will also post the first three pages if somebody is interested enough.

Also, thanks.

Drunken Abuse

Ray was five years old. He could smell something on his mother's breath as she held him close. It was sickening and very strong, and he asked what it was. His mother said that it was called Vodka, and that it was only something that brats like him couldn't have, and she laughed at her own joke. Ray didn't like being called a brat, not one bit. He cried loudly, and his mother told him to quit being a crybaby, threw him on the bed, and slapped him. He screamed for help, but no one would come. When she decided that the little shit had had enough, she sat down for a drink, and the only sounds were of a baby crying, and the sound of Vodka being poured.

Rape

Ray was twelve years old. His mother was now married to some asshole that had gotten her knocked up. Ray kept a secret from his mother; Every Friday, while Ray's mother was away, stripping and blowing guys for money, Ray's new "dad" would take him down to the basement, rocking him back and forth in his favorite rocker, humming to the tune of The National Anthem, both of them completely nude. Once the song was over, he'd carry Ray over to the pool table, and put that... thing inside of him, while Ray screamed and begged for someone, anyone, to make it stop. It was around this time when Ray's stepfather would pull Ray's hair back, and finish. Ray soon stopped believing in God, because he was never there when Ray prayed for all of this shit to stop, but it never did.

Addiction

Ray was seventeen years old. He snuck around the house late at night, taking beer, whiskey, wine - but never Vodka. He has always hated Vodka, ever since he was five. He already had all the "good stuff" in his room - cocaine, weed, pills. He raced to his room, afraid of getting caught, even though he knew that wasn't possible. His mother was passed out on the couch, completely fucked up. His stepdad was out late, dealing to all the local stoners and fuck-ups. Up in his room, he downed the beer, smoked the rest of his weed, and passed out, releasing the pain for a short time.

Pretty funny stuff so far.

May I have a moment to fanboy?

HOLY FUCK IT'S FUCKING ENDMASTER I FUCKING LOVE YOU!

Okay I'm good. You think it's funny? Is that a good or bad thing, I'm kind of confused.

Well I'll admit to joking about finding all that stuff funny…which is probably still fucked up in a different way, but I know it's sort of expected for me to say something incredibly inappropriate on here every now and then, so I went ahead and got it out of the way.

Anyway, the premise of the story reminds me slightly of the original concept of Love SICK until I went another way with it. So I'd say keep working on it, but just don't publish it until it's completely finished.

Indeed.

And I hope it didn't seem like I was stealing from your work or anything. Honestly, you're probably my favorite writer on this site (again, not trying to fanboy) so I hope it doesn't seem like I copied. And thanks for the advice.

EndMaster didn't invent child rape... 

I hope...

Did you like it, Malky?

Also, why is there an 8 option for rating maturity if you can't rate it an 8? The furthest you can go is a 7/8.

I think Alex was going to implement an 8 level, but never got around to it. Now it's just sort of a joke about how level 8 stories aren't allowed on here, so you can't give a story a level 8 rating.

The closest you get to an 8 is a 7 with extra warnings on the front page.

That's probably what I'll have to do, because there's an event later in the game where you can cut your step-dad's dick off and fuck him with it. You could also chop it up and feed it to him, if that's your cup of tea.

Awh, funsies! ... Can you chop it up and feed it to him after you fuck him with it? ^_^

You should make an option where you can tear his dick off, dunk it in a cup of tea, and make him drink it.

Add a felching scene.

You made me Google that. 

*points and laughs*

*cocks gun to head* I'm sorry, EndMast - BLAM!

Consider yourself educated.

Welp, time to clear my browser history.

... Fuck you, you made me google it!

You have also now been educated.

Don't look up docking... Don't look it up, you don't want to know what it means ^_^

Hahaha, I already know what that is. Search Japanese bukkakke, you will be enlightened.

Meh, that's not so bad.

Heard of that one. The Alabama hot pocket is a new one, I thank you for enlightening me.

... Or Alabama hot pocket, you definitely don't want to look that up!

Haven't heard of that one, sounds fun.

I'm sure you've heard of a Cleveland steamer and a rusty trombone.

... Wow, you can learn so much from urban dictionary... Dirty sanchez, strawberry shortcake, cleaveland steamer, angry dragon... Pink sock? Eww, that one's nasty! 

Charizarding

... That's a thing? 

I hope Slasher puts all of this in the story.

"You don't have enough badges to train me!"

*Runs out of room*

What's that entail exactly? Setting someone on fire before capturing them in a spherical cage and making them a sex slave?

This
 

I like the second definition better since it actually involves breathing fire.

I sure am glad this thing exists.

Wasn't this a thing in one of your stories?

Nah, I've just had plain old necrophilia. 

 

I was thinking of Exploitation Theatre. Lmfao!

Yeah, he does fuck his dead girlfriend and he feels the maggots crawling around inside her and on his dick, but that's about it.

I would like to clarify, though, that the 'charizard' is the one who is supposed to be flapping his arms around.

 I FUCKING HATE YOU, BRIAR. 

I did warn you 

Alaskan Brainfreeze

I can't find that one. Is it in anyway similar to the Turkish Brainfreeze?

Well, click here.

No, it's not like a Turkish brain freeze. It's where a girl takes a deuce in a condom, then freezes it and uses it as a dildo.

Sounds lovely.

Nah, of course End didn't invent child rape... He just perfected it ^_^

I don't see how you would've copied anything since I never posted the original concept for Love SICK on here. (Which was originally called "Twisted" anyway)

So these three passages you posted, is this in-between certain choices or is this all beginning background info?

All beginning background info. Think of this part like Snow, how you have to read through the memories to progress.

I'd like to see you give the reader some choices to make in the memories.  Right now you're giving us a game that starts with just clicking through page after page of description on how terrible Ray's life is.

For example, with the step-father, you could give us a choice of deciding how Ray feels about the abuse- is he angry, frightened, depressed? - any of which might affect what he's like as an adult.  Or you could give us a choice of how Ray reacts- does he try to tell his mother, does he try to fight back? Ultimately nothing saves him, but again it gives us a better idea of who Ray is as a person. 

^ Proof EndMaster will think anything fucked up is hilarious.

A rape scene eh, I approve.

So with all these comments, do you guys think I should scrap the game or continue it?

Why scrap? Continue with what you've got, and improve where necessary.

I'd only scrap it if people thought it was shit, but the comments seem to be, overall, pretty good. Thanks man, I appreciate it!

Yeah, I'm sort of confused to as why you would scrap it. It's not like you even got any scolding comments about the content on here.

True. I will continue to work on it and hopefully have it published by next week.

Next week?

That seems like a really quick story. Most good stories take months to write (with some notable exceptions).

OMS

Some quick stories are still good. So long as 'Hatred' is proofread, edited, well-written interactive fiction I wouldn't mind.

I already wrote a book on it, now I'm just adding in the choices. Thanks for the comments, everyone! :)

Put those stupid "trigger warnings" on it, and I'll boycott your game.

You don't think I should add warnings for all the sensitive 10-12 year old kids? XD.

Just put a general warning on the front page and rate the maturity level a 7. If they insist on still reading it after that, they only got themselves to blame.