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A companion thread to the weekly Writing Exercise threads. Since you can't reply to someone's post without locking their ability to edit, this is a place to say "Nice!" or make any other positive comments.

Negative commentary -- and even constructive criticism -- has no place in this thread, or anywhere near these exercises. These are exercises in creativity, not in technical skill, and I feel that limiting feedback to the positive side of the spectrum will help encourage that creativity. So, as the saying goes, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Wow! We're getting off to a great start here -- thank you all for posting your fantastic first sentences! ^_^

@the_quiller

I really liked your scene. It is very well done.

Thank you! The plot bunny just ate my brain as I was typing XD

I really liked yours too - I'm a sucker for overthrowing the gods type storylines, and the scale of epicness you've set makes me wish this story already existed so I could read it.

You're going to love my story game when i finish it then.

:D

I'll start stalking your profile now, waiting for updates, haha.

Ok, its called tinker, but I haven't done much on it yet.

The story was actually an idea that I thought of when I first joined, but I decided to trash it and forget about it since it would require so much work to do. I MAY actually get somewhere into starting the story using the exercise.

I really liked quillers, james, and danaos. They were really good.

I liked yours too, but it was slightly...depressing.

>_>

<_<

*looks at quillers post*   The plot bunny ate my ideas!

What the - ! You've just found the rarest species of plot bunny. The UN-plot bunny.

Quick, catch it and we can sell it for a fortune!

Just be careful when breeding them, as the mother may try to eat her young.

Here bunny bunny bunny. Just come on over and let me cage you so I can sell you to some random person and make a fortune. :D

I'm just saying that a wolf having to come to terms with her impending death is rather saddening. Though, something similar happened in Princess Mononoke. Not saying your plagiarizing or anything. In fact, I actually liked yours.

Prinncess Mononoke?

Here.

Just don't read the "plot" stuff.

One of Miyazaki's anime films. Same guy that made Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, and Howl's Moving Castle

http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=197

You like Hayao Miyazaki too?

Yep. I'm an anime fan, 'course I watch Miyazaki films.

Yay!

I <3 Miyazaki. ^_^

Not saying I didn't like Princess Mononoke, though.

Here's my official voting post for which sentence you'd like to see expanded into an opening scene. To see my five sentences, go to this thread.

I vote for either 1 or 5. ^_^

1.

I vote for 1.

That line had me hooked instantly.

Same. I'm not sure if I chose the right one for my scene tho...

I liked it. It definitely didn't go the direction I wanted it to go, but you set up an interesting superpower/crime lord/downfall story arc that I think I would really have enjoyed reading.

Your sentence #2 was the most interesting though, in my opinion, and now my burning curiosity will never be answered. XD

Thanks, I might finish number 2 if I find a use for it in a different writing challenge.

5.

I vote for 1. It's the best hook and possibly the one that holds the most potential with fewer words.

I'd say #1.

Yeah, go with #1, but add a twist!

@31TeV

Favourite so far: quiller

Most interesting: james

Most unique/humorous: Briar

Thanks.

Just bonuses. Though if you want my opinion on the sentences, I can't really decide as of now - I like most of them, and I'm too exhausted to choose.

Wait... Mine was humorous? 

No, it wasn't actually. But I laughed at the initial sentence. :P

I was proud of that one ^_^

No, we don't get it. You should be ashamed. No, where is it from?

It was dark and twisted, but the very first line and the very last line both made me laugh.

Yey! ^_^

Fifteen participants and counting! Thank you all for joining in, I'm really enjoying the range of different beginnings! For those who might be wondering, I'll be tallying points (and adding the folks who weren't already on the list) around midnight EST.

Thanks for putting all of this together, Morgan. This was a fantastic idea.

and OMFG, I just noticed your owl opened its eyes. Freaked me the fuck out when I clicked your profile link. XD

--edit--

It's kinda cute if you keep looking at it though. Creepycute.

Ahahaha! Ahem. Sorry. I've been switching between different owls depending on how awake I am. What can I say, I'm easily amused. XD

But yeah, I'm glad I thought of this, and I'm glad so many people jumped in! I've tried to make it as easy as possible to run, what with the repeating themes, so I can hopefully keep doing it as long as folks continue to be interested -- or if I do get distracted and wander off, someone else can easily pick up the reins.

EVIL OWL! (youtube video)

edit: Aww. You changed it back.

The coffee only keeps me that wide-eyed for so long. ;)

Sadly, I can't view YouTube videos on my computer. But I'm sure this so-called 'evil' owl is just misunderstood. XD

Woohoo, tropage.

I can sleep after drinking a whole pot of coffee, but strong tea is what I use to stay awake.

Tea does have different set of stimulants (in addition to caffeine, which it obviously has in common with coffee). Personally I find it to be too astringent, but to each their own! I even know a guy who mixes the two. XD

That would have to be one of the worst combinations ever.

Agreed

How about this...I saw a guy who couldn't find sugar or sweetener.  So he used a Coke!  XD

Personally, I like my coffee and tea unsweetened.

@the_quiller @Morgan_R

That sounds like something you'd force down a friends throat after they lost a punishment game XD

...I probably should have mentioned, it's specifically chai and coffee. I just didn't expect anyone to try it! o_O

I definitely can't drink unsweetened coffee, or black tea. Green tea works that way, though.
 

Green tea with lemon and ginseng, or pomegranate, or jasmine, is really, really good.

You are a brave soul, TeV. +5 respect points for balls.

-5 respect points for wasting perfectly good coffee and perfectly good Coke though. XD

FOR SCIENCE!

What the heck are tropes?

Tropes are devices and conventions that a writer can reasonably rely on as being present in the audience members' minds and expectations.

Read this description.

You're braver than I'll ever be...

Edit:  !@#$, beat to the punch!

It is the tannins in tea that have a stimulating effect.

I burnt my legs with tannic acid when I was younger.  I was dared to jump in a pile of walnut hulls on the way back from swimming.  I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT FOR ANYONE!  XD

Ouch.

It's called a transformer owl. It has three versions of it. There's the normal version when it's not faced with any other owl. Then there's the puffed up version that it switches too when faced with a 35-ish cm long owl. Then there is the 'evil owl' version that it switches to when faced with a 55-ish cm long owl. This version resembles Count Dracula, complete with the cape and glare.

...man, that sounds awesome. XD

Yep This is all one owl.

Oh man. I went and watched it on my phone, and it was hilarious. Thanks for sharing, I had no idea there was anything that weird in the wonderful world of owls. XD

I wish there was something that weird in the wonderful world of wolves.

A transforming wolf? That would make werewolves real XD

And here it is.  And check this out.

@TacocaT

The latter one was a husky. Please tell me that's fake.

The video of it doing those transformation is funny as hell, especially the Count Dracula one. 

^ Same here.

I just finished posting my sentences. It was definitely not my best work, but I'd like to hear any criticism. Personally, I think I went too much out of my comfort zone with the third one. Also, my bad about the weird font and size. I think that was an unintentional result of copy pasting from google docs.

Anyways, I'm off to finish reading everyone else's work now.

The gossipy, snoopy part of me wants to know what the letter pertains to.  And I don't want to wait for the movie.  *stamping foot*  :)

I made the exact contents of the letter vague in a sad attempt to keep readers on edge about the letter as the protagonist. There were really three ideas I had in mind that were possibilities for the letter's contents: a student's important test results for school, paternity test results, or DNA test results from a private lab involving a criminal case. The original idea was actually a rejection letter from the protag's first university choice, but with that in mind, I didn't have as much inspiration to write. Honestly, it could be any of the four.

Yes.  I also thought it could have been about a reunion with someone from the past OR a major move (ie. across the country.)  My last post was in utter jest.  :)

Those are actually some really good suggestions. Now that I think of it, if I were to expand on the paternity test idea, it wouldn't be too far off. With a major move idea, I can see the letter being an employment opportunity that would force the main character to move. Huh, there were a lot more possibilities than I imagined.

Perhaps your protagonist needs a larger mail box.  XD

Seriously. ^o^ Honestly, if this were a storygame, it could seriously be a multiple choice option. Don't worry. I don't think it will ever come to that.

As I read, I was like, Oh no, you're not going to some nice fancy university, lol. It was good intro, had you kept waiting seconds, I've would have flung my screen across the room:) I think any of those possible letters would make a good story though. :) 

Haha, if I were draw out the seconds even longer, it would have only been in the middle story, where I assume the reader would be more invested, but even then that would be pushing it. Glad to hear the alternate scenarios all have potential and I wasn't the only one to think of a university rejection letter.

Lol, yea, but if you were to push it, the letter would have to be the most epic thing in the whole universe squared. XD Cuz other than that, I ain't reading not one more word,  not after making me wait so long, uh uhhh! Lol, jk. 

Does anyone have ideas for ways to improve my bonus scene?

Hmm...I'm not much of a writer, but your bonus paragraphs make sense and would probably manage to draw the reader into the story. I have nothing to add.

Technically, by extension, you aren't allowed to give constructive criticism on anything related to the exercises. I'm sure, though, that since BB requested it, it won't be a problem.

Yeah, the exception is 'if the writer actually asks for constructive criticism, then it's cool.' I don't want to limit people's ability to get more critical feedback, if they actually want it.

Alright, I'll remember that.

OK.  Critique away!  I could use the inspiration!

"The shadow lingered there, just out of reach, and I could feel its' hunger.  Just how long, I couldn't be sure.  Maybe it was always there, watching, waiting.  One misstep and it would be my end, but the pull was too great.  I had to sleep, but if I did the fire would die.  The only thing that is keeping that thing at bay are those little tendrils of flame dancing so hypnotically.  If I could just closed my eyes for a second, just long enough to clear my head.  Just for a moment, to take the edge off.  Just   for   a..."

Hmm...it is written in the past tense, but at the end, the narrator begins to dose off, as if it is happening at that moment. That and a few other tense issues are all that I can find.

Better?

I'd say so. I wasn't meaning to make you think you had to change it, though.

Hey, what can I say?  The customer is always right.  Unless they happen to be a complete idiot!  XD

I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you alter your writing style for my sake.

Present tense gives it a sense of urgency.  Like you want to scream at the author to WAKE UP!, don't you think?

Indeed. Sorry, I should probably quit arguing with you. It looks good.

That was argumentative?  Sorry I missed it.  :'(

I didn't mean for it to be, but I was afraid that I was starting to sound that way.

Nope.

Okay, sorry.

'sa'rite

ISentinelPenguinI, I really like your story, bro!

Thanks, I plan on putting it in one of my stories, just because it's using those characters and I've wondered how I'd actually use Howard for a while now...

Speaking of which: Is there a named trope where the author hints at something throughout the whole story but never totally validates it? Like, it's implied enough to be a euphemism, but without the confirmation that's usually behind a euphemism that it is indeed what the author means? 

Noodle incident or noodle gag, maybe?

Edit: For the safety of your eyes and mind, I would not recommend typing "noodle gag" into a google searchbar (not that I use Google, but you get the point).

Is it people pulling half-swallowed noodles out of their throats? I can't tell you how many times I had to do that with Mozzarella sticks, they're fucking deadly and should not be served to children!

My mom and stepfather used to make fun of me for choking on mozzarella sticks or the Swiss cheese that you find on French onion soup.

I would definitely check that story out. And yea, what James said, I think you're looking for the Noodle Incident, based off Calvin and Hobbes, I think.   

I was thinking more of a "Cryptic Background," now that I think about it, since the gig is that Howard and Cragg represent some pretty well-known individuals but I never admit it in-narrative, or out of it, for that matter. To believe that they are qualifies as an epileptic tree, since I'm never going to validate any of it, since I'm evil.

@Morgan_R you have made my favorite. That was just amazing. 3 sentences just wow. 

Agreed - that last sentence. Oof. I've never read anything written from the perspective of God, and just think of the potential!

Also, ‘susurrus’ is an amazing word that needs to be used more.

Hehe, thanks. I feel like there might be a fun storygame in the idea, although I have no idea where I'd be going with it! XD

I'd enjoy criticism.

Yours was short, but I liked the use of imagery. You used vivid adjectives so I got a good mental picture in my head. 

My one concern is that this part seems to be as if the narator has been in the place for a while.  "If only, I could be released away from this hellish landscape" 

But the rest of the sentences make it seem as if it is momentary and new to him/her.

Yeah, I could see that being a problem. Thanks.

And honestly, it was meant to be in the perspective of a newly born baby, but I tried to make it cryptic enough so, onlookers wouldn't be able to tell unless inquistive enough, or if it's told to them (like now).

Is it bad that I read most of it in Stewie's voice.

Yes.

Haha, why, man?

Stewie's from Family guy, which is satire comedy, right? Reading it in his voice kind of ruins the effect, I think.

Damn you, vile woman.

I guess so.

Except of the odd placement of one comma, I think it's good.

In one of the sentences, or the bonus. Could you point it out?

"If only, I could be released away from this hellish landscape."

but a pause there for effect if read out loud would make it more dramatic...

Yeah, that's a slip-up. Thanks for pointing it out! I'll fix it.

I wouldn't mind someone ripping my bonus a new one. 

Original Paragraph:

I stare straight ahead, eyes blood red with deep bags under them, as the emergency system goes off in my cockpit. I sigh softly. I turn my head to look behind me; the infamous black smoke of a damaged engine permeates the gray sky. Fuck, I think to myself. I firmly grab the accelerator lever and push it forward until it can't go anymore. Multiple warning messages pop up on my screen. I can feel my heart beating against my chest, which is strapped tightly to my seat. A stream of bullets scream pass by.  An enemy V-1 9 is trying to gun me down. "I don't have time for this," I grunt. I pull the steering sticks hard to the left. "Ejecting Pilot seat in three," the emergency system says. No fucking way. "Two," I slam my fist on the main engine's ON/OFF button; my screen goes black. My Exco Rift shakes violently as bullets from the enemy hit. I've failed, I didn't even get into enemy territory, these fuckers!  I stare at the button the engineers had recently installed to my control panel. It has the word Victory on it. If I don't do it, the enemy forces will find it onboard[1] my Rift, and that would turn the tide of the war, the enemy would win.This [2] was supposed to be the last battle.... I force a smile on my face. Victory[3],...is mine.  I press the button, and the bomb goes off. 

Corrections:

[1] on board

[2] would win. This was

[3] Victory... is mine.

In terms of the actual content, I think it's great. It'd be really interesting to read more into this universe; is this guy just really devoted, or is it a result of brainwashing, or propaganda. Or both?

Thanks for catching those mistakes!! And I would say devoted and brainwashed. Thanks for your critique! 

I'd also like to hear what you all have to say about my bonus paragraph.

Ummm, so beast and samurai, huh? wtf? lol, jk. It was good, but maybe knowing why the samurai is chopping up yo peeps would help a bit. And also wondering why you just watching them get chopped up, unless you're gonna throw down in some kind of epic final fight while it's raining and there's thunder. :) no offense, though. 

Former peeps. It was a bit from an aborted game of mine where you played as an assassin in feudal Japan. Throughout the game, you would take assignments from your organization, and, at several points, you would end up fleeing or attempting to fight a fully armored samurai. At one point in the game, the leader of your organization dies, and the guy who steps up wants to use the organization for a coup, which would go against its original purpose. So, you fight him and get kicked out of the clan. You would then be required to stop the coup. On your way to where everything is supposed to go down, you are once again confronted by the samurai. After some fighting and dialogue, you could convince him to join you in fighting your former allies.

Sounds awesome, bro! I would love to play it, hopefully you go back to it and publish it!

Really?

Yeah!!

Okay, I might go back and try it again.

Lol, don't do if you're not inspired to do so! But, it would be pretty neat to play tho, the plot sounds killer. 

It got rather difficult to write, I'm afraid, but I probably should go back and try to do it.

I understand, sometimes it's good to see things until the end, for experience and for toughing it out. I would be willing to help if ya would like any, tho :)

It's going to be really difficult for me to get back into. My understanding of Japanese culture and history is insufficient.

I see, I don't know much myself. You could always make the story in an alternate universe where there are only some of Japanese culture elements and some of your own, just a thought though. 

Coins: I like the 20 years earlier thing in your bonus because it gives the reader a hook about what happened to the character.

Taco: The writing style in your bonus is really nice. Excellent descriptive prose, beautifully written.

Quiller: Your bonus gives us some detail into a very engaging story, yet it retains enough mystery to grip the reader. Very nice balance there.

Cynical: I really find sentence 2 interesting because I wouldn’t expect a spectre to love someone. Intriguing first sentence.

James: Very strong first sentence for your bonus as well as a solid paragraph that follows. I would love to see how this story unfolds.

Danaos: Your bonus is gives us a good bit of backstory without forgetting to be engaging for the reader at the same time. I really love the Greek mythology atmosphere you create too.

Malkalack: Your bonus was good setup for a story, and I liked the transition from a seemingly harmless topic into a story about war. The last sentence especially stood out as gripping.

Virt: Sentence 3 really hooked me. It’s a very vague first sentence that hooks you, yet it still manages to capture some ‘humanness’ (if that makes sense) when it mentions she wasn’t sure of what she expected.

IAP: The bonus scene is excellent; it has a very interesting scenario with a good hook to grab the reader. You managed to include so much interesting stuff into one short paragraph about the struggle the protagonist’s struggle against sleep.

Betaband: In your bonus, great insight into the mind of somebody who is called a tyrant by the people. Not only did nice set up, but you left a very gripping last sentence.

Morgan: Wow, all five of your sentences are very strong story starters and keep the reader guessing. If I had to choose one, I’d have to say sentence 3.

Fireplay Sentence 2 had a really good hook. It leaves me wondering what’s being talked about and I already feel myself beginning to like the narrator, after just one sentence.

Briar: Excellent setup for a story with your bonus, and you can just feel the anger of the narrator through the writing. I think sentence 5 wins for its hilarity, though.

Lost: I enjoyed reading your rather descriptive and very well written bonus paragraph. The last bit really makes me wonder what’s going to happen next.

Sentinel: You really blew me away with your bonus. From the very first sentence till the last, this was an excellent read and very gripping, as well as standing out as unique.

Excellent start, everyone.

My bonus is up too, now. Both positive feedback and constructive criticism would be appreciated.

:) thank you.
 

Glad you liked it.

Edit:  Just read yours.  I especially liked how such a disgusting experience could be so nostalgic.  XD

Thank you. :)

Thank You

Thanks. As to your bonus, it was good and a bit funny. You give the feeling that you're telling me the story either to my face in person, or in a diary, or letter, which I liked. The toilet part is gross and funny, and the last part makes me want to read more. Do you produce the metal in your body or was it in the toilet?  

Sounds fair :)

Wow, that was pretty graphic. I think my stomach turned a little just reading through what the protagonist got put through. Being said, excellently written with an incredible grasp of descriptive language. I love the premise that protagonist finds the Macguffin that'll help him take over the world in his mouth, while being drowned in a toilet of all things.

The tone of the narrator is great as well, striking this odd balance between humorous, sarcastic, and evil overlord.

First, I'd like to thank you kindly for your review of my shit. If it's really that great, maybe I'll sell the complete twine game for 6 cents instead of 5.

Second I'd like to apologize for my late vote for sentence one, which you did anyway. I was writing my favorite sentences, and then I rubbed backspace the wrong way and FUCKING WENT BACK A PAGE AND LOST FUCKING EVERYTHING! GRRRRR....

As far as your bonus scene, it was incredible, with a narrative voice I wouldn't mind reading for upwards of 600 pages. If Les Miserables was written like that, I could probably read through it all in one summer.

@31TeV I love your bonus because I can't be sure weather it's in the future, some delusional teenager, or some psychotic school for the criminally insane. 

Thanks Tev! ^_^

Just posted mine and I would enjoy criticism.

Dark, scary, mysterious. I love it

Seems like it could be incorporated into an episode of Hannibal.

In one of the last few paragraphs, you wrote "need", instead of "near".

"...she didn't need to be need me..."

I couldn't really tell if you were going for "intelligent" or "animalistic", not that the two are mutually exclusive. The narrator sounded very child-like, but, at the same time, seemed to know a lot about the mindsets of various criminals. Again, I don't know much about psychology or criminology, so I'm probably not the best person to ask. It just didn't seem very well...balanced, I guess.

I love it. Twisted with a sense of mystery, dark, gripping. My first impression is that it's great. I'll have to go back with a fine toothed comb to see if there's anything I can actually criticize.

What he said. ^ And what james said^^. They beat me to it.

Thank you, TC.

Very nice, indeed. At first I thought, hey this is kinda like Dexter, but then I read more and realized it was different. Great intro, and would love to read more. Summers is a great character.   

Wow! That was awesome! Reading from the point of view of a serial killer is fun! (Unless it's a real serial killer, then it's just disturbing.) >.<

My favorite sentences, in order of appearance from the top of the thread to the bottom:

Coins: Sentence 5

It's a great way to introduce a narrator, just apathetic enough to use such blunt terms, and just empathetic enough to regard it positively or negatively. An interesting voice people seldom use these days.

TacocaT: Sentence 5

For something that might just as easily be in a Warrior Cats game, you pulled it off, above decently. It was awesome, immersive, and descriptive, and your bonus scene only improved it. There's just one problem: Humans are the only animals that can cry tears. I guess that's just part of the mystery, though.

Quiller: Sentence 1

That sentence was more badass than the song Holy Diver. I want you to know, Quiller, that I believe Hoy Diver is one of the single most badass songs not written by Audiomachine or Two Steps from Hell, and it is NOT a compliment I give out lightly, my man. And then the bonus scene you wrote with it kicked all the ass there was left to kick, and returned to make sure the asses were bruising properly.

Cynical: Sentence 3

I guess she must be a vegetarian. All jokes aside though, it was very intriguing, and that's one of the best "Murderer's thoughts in denial" narrations I've read in a while.

Jamescoker: Sentence 1

Its just as descriptive as a single sentence can be, yet it retains some subtlety. Not to mention petrichor is a cool word.

Danaos: Sentence 5

It had to battle to the death with sentence 1, but despite the close win I still feel that 5 deserves its place. It invokes a very interesting dystopia with a series of oxymorons that make sense.

Malkalack: sentence 1

Whether this is following the wive's tale that you go blind, or that your dick straight up departs like a poorly-built lego tower matters not, I lol'd when I read it. 

Firesl- I mean, Virtualide: Sentence 1

It really intrigued me, and I wanted to know what it was immediately. as stupid as the question "What was thumping!?" sounds, it was the only question I could ask until I forced my thoughts elsewhere.

ItAintPretty: Sentence 1

It was quite a struggle between this and Sentences 2 and 5, eventually I just chose the number that matched my IQ (at least the first or third digit, anyway...) and rolled with it. It really got my attention and left me wondering, and the rhetoric was nice too.

betaband: Sentence 1

It was vivid, and a really cool and classy euphemism for Arson. 2 and 3 were macabre and  awesome as well, but nothing grabbed me with the same charm yours had.

Morgan_R: Sentence 5

That was just awesome, it made me want to read a story that was never written so badly that I just... I dunno. Sentence 4 was better with the bonus accompanying it, but 5 was amazing on its own. It did its job the way it was supposed to and I think this is one of my most favorite out of all the sentences here.

Fireplay: Sentence 4

... and so began the greatest fantasy RomCom ever written. Sentence 1 was probably better, but I like sentence 4 more, regardless of quality.

31TeV: Sentence 1

This piqued both my interest, and my curiousity, which, contrary to popular belief, are mutually exclusive. consider this my vote for your bonus scene.

Briar_Rose: Sentence 5

It was hilarious. There are two tried and true, yet still effective ways to get someone hooked on a funny story. Throw the over-simplified brunt of a situation to a reader to catch their interest, like Cracked does, or do something like this, imply something hilarious already happened, and then offer to recount it in fresh detail to the curious audience. I like to pretend the "Honey" in this sentence was the narrator of the bonus scene, and the narrator of this sentence was the murder victim. XD

LostConnection: Sentence 5

It was simple, funny, and depressing. While not really making me want to read more as much as your other sentences, I liked it the best.

ISentinelPenguinI: Sentence 1

I just fucking love this one.

Really?  I thought all animals could cry. >_> Anyways, thank you. :D

You're welcome. And yeah, most animals can cry. Elephants stream fluid out their ears, wolves and dogs make wimpery noises, and apes and monkeys have mourning rituals of their own, but humans are the only animals that use tear ducts, or make seperate tears, whilst doing so.

Okay. Good to know. :)

Awesome list! ... I wonder if it's a coincidence that the majority of your favorites are either the first or last sentences. I'm guessing it's either the age old theory regarding talent shows, that it's always the first and last performance that stick in the judges minds the most... Or it could be that people deliberately put their favorite sentences at the beginning and the end.

In my case, I started out with something really great on its own, but had no idea how to put it into a story, then I did another epic one that I couldn't think of a story for, and it got to the point where I said "Dammit, I gotta write something I can use!" Which, of course, was lamer than the rest of the sentences.

I had a hard time picking which one of them to use.  But, alas, so little to do, so much time.

Story of my life.

I thought the story of your life was that you were an asexual humanoid penguin creature in High School.

Penguinite you foolish mortal

I said "penguin creature", not "penguin".

Still

Moving

k, i dont really have an argument.

L, did you know reapers eat apples?

That's the detailed version.

Oh...okay.

I didn't realize this was a response to my post.  haha.  I should have held up my sarcasm sign.

@ISentinelPenguinI

Alright, as I'm feeling much better now with a good six large cappuccinos (in other words, a good waste of $30) in my system, I'll be listing my favourite sentences/bonuses as well as a few others that I particularly liked/found very interesting.

Favourite sentences (in no particular order):

Taco - 5.

I can visualize this easily, along with the other small details that had no need to be said - I can literally feel that soft breeze running through my furs, the soft rustle of leaves as I passed by with a swift yet graceful leap, the distant chirp of a bird in the natural wilderness; all with that single sentence.

quiller - 1.

I really liked that unhidden tone of anger and hatred in this line, and how it foreshadows the path of vengeance that I can imagine the character taking. The accumulated loss (or theft) of the various traits that makes up the identity of an individual is really effective, and I felt that it really brought out the true extent of his wrath.

Morgan - 4.

This line had me wondering what the character's identity was immediately - the repetition at the beginning of the sentence and the tricolon at the end left me with an assumption that character was a being that was greatly revered, yet feared at the same time, but above all, it definitely left me wanting more.

james - 2.

This also raised many questions which I wanted the answers to. Who or what was the 'creature'? Why had it once hunted me? Why have I grown to hate and even fear it? And most importantly, why is it now standing beside me, as an ally? What had changed? Definitely something that made me want to read on.

Tev - 1.

This surprisingly simple sentence could have so many connotations - it could be read with a tone of humour, menace, or hopelessness, all at the same time. A great start that could be worked with in many ways.

Briar - 5.

I loled at this. 'Nuff said.

NightBird - 5.

Forget about the flesh - that sentence fascinated me. Maybe I'm just a sadistic madman, but for some weird reason I grinned in a really disturbing manner whilst reading that. The sentence was unique in that it portrayed an unconventional protagonist, giving an insight into the mindset of a murderer.

Favourite bonuses (in no particular order): quiller, Morgan and NightBird (will include comments later)

Honourable mentions:

coins - 5.

Just because I agree completely.

Taco  - 1.

I really liked the creative use of repetition here.

quiller - 2. & 3.

2. portrayed an interesting logic, and an overall engaging start. 3. because I'm immediately thinking drama. :P

Cynical - all sentences as well as bonus

For some reason, all of his/her starts appealed to me, perhaps because of their metaphoric tone. The bonus would also make a good start to a psychological horror story, and the use of present tense brings out the vividness of the scene.

james - 5.

...if that happened to me in real life, I don't know whether I would laugh or be too creeped out to even move.

Danaos - 4.

Another great start for a psychological horror story. Also something I could...just slightly relate to.

Malka - 1.

xD.

Morgan - 5.

The atmosphere is beautifully described - and if I could, I'd like to meet this guy. :P

Briar - 3., 4. and bonus

I can imagine the guy from Ground Zero being all badass, saying this line while the city in front of him is razed into the ground. 4. was funny, and the bonus was interesting in that it was humorous, yet I also felt a slight twinge of sadness for something I can't really figure out yet.

Sentinel - 4. and bonus

Loving the sick humour.

NightBird - 3.

Again, I'm not sure whether I should laugh or not.

Any feedback for mine would be appreciated.

Yay! I got on the bored twice. Thank you. :D

I liked your bonus section, and I couldn't really find any errors.

A lot of the Bonus entries were fun to read. A lot of them got me interested in the actual story(if, you know, there was an actual story. :p)

Yey! Funny but still sad is exactly the angle I was going for! So glad it actually worked ^_^

Nice job, everyone! Monday is now scored, and Tuesday's exercise is up! ^_^

Wow, I found it near impossible to work with the options. XD

You did an awesome job though!!

Although it was minor, I wonder if the Gender Blender is going to be considered for the bonus. Male = Holly, Female = Ryan.

Also, thanks!

Just finished my entry. Again, I'd quite appreciate any criticism anyone has.

Short, sweat, has a bit of annoying faces, but I can deal with it. :) Even though it's just about Jane making a radio and wanting to beat Mary and then weird noises on the radio, I still felt like more could have been added, like what's her reaction to the message? What did the other Mary's face do to Jane?  Actually, now that I read it again, it's fine just like the way is is. And I believe that is the day War of Worlds came out on the radio, and people lost their shit. 

Yep, October 30, 1938 is the day Orsen Wells narrated the War of the Worlds radio broadcast, and everyone who listened in thought it was real, haha. Thought it'd be nice to add a little easter egg to the story.

Thanks for the feedback.

EDIT: I also don't know whether anyone figured it out, or not, but the alien's message about war, was in reference to the Spanish Civil War, which ended in 1939, so it'd be happening in the story's timespan.

Yeah, I figured out the date.  Thank you PBS!  But the reference to the Spanish Civil War, even though Young Indiana Jones was present, went right over my head!

Edit:  Engaging.  Could go in many different directions.

I did Tuesday's. Mine was clumsy. Sci-Fi things aren't exactly my specialty.

Haven't read anyone's yet (and probably won't until I write my own), but I'm glad to see folks are still on board! And yes, just including a 'gender-blender' name is sufficient to get the bonus. Future picks may end up being more challenging, of course!

Same here - trying to cram cane fu into a setting of benevolent alien invasion in a way that made sense was giving me a headache

It still doesn't make any sense XD

Yeah, mine ended up being really bad.

Same here.

Can I please have feed back?

I'll want feedback later for sure.

Lol, I found yours funny. When I have to write within boundaries I tend to make it humorous but this time since its just for practice I decided not to.

I was aimed for funny because that was the first thing that popped into my head with the combination of three tropes. I don't usually go for that type of ridiculousness based humor in things I write. I'm usually more dark humor and sarcasm. I was competely out my comfort zone. Aliens are something I have probably only written about once before and only in a forum roleplay of all things.

I'm not reading any as I did not sleep last night. I want to be able to focus while I'm reading them, not have my mind go off on randomness.

I so, so, so, SO WANT TO JOIN.

CanI?

CanIcanIcanI?

But then I might be late at some days...

Of course! ^_^

I'm going to have to say that late entries don't get you points, but they're still good practice!

I think you can join at any time, but I'm not sure on that.

Yep! Any name that isn't on my list when I go through and add to people's scores will be added then. ^_^

Lol, were probably going to need another feedback thread. Also does anyone want to critique my Tuesday challenge?

Reading it as we speak.

@betaband

Before I say anything, the idea of time-travelling aliens saving abused children from bad households and turning them into time-keepers, as part of a thousand-year-long eugenics project, is amazing and I wish I could think up stuff like that. I was impressed by just how much story you managed to fit into your post, because it felt like I had read an entire chapter's worth of events in just a few short paragraphs. A plot pace like this really hooks the readers and sucks them in! You even managed to hint at an incredibly interesting setting where timekeepers are common knowledge and have an entire society of their own.

The twist at the end was especially gripping - here I thought the aliens and the timekeepers were the good guys, and suddenly, they're euthanizing abused children who don't match up to their genetic standards. Suddenly, the entire story is plunged into shades of grey, which is definitely a good thing in my books and makes the story much more interesting.

As for criticism, there are a few commas missing here and there (ex: 130 years in the future, Max sat at a metal desk in a cement room), but the rest of these are more opinions than anything actually wrong.

I found the fact that the aliens look like blue-skinned humans to stretch my suspension of disbelief. Without any explanation for why they are so similar to human beings, it just seems...odd. The section from where Max was given the test and immediately gave up seemed a bit rushed as well - if Max really wanted to be a time keeper so badly, I got the feeling that she would at least try even if the questions were really difficult. Showing a character struggling despite being faced with an insurmountable obstacle is a good way to win sympathy from the readers, after all.

Other than that though, I really enjoyed reading this. There's a lot of interesting ideas that I'd love to see turn into an actual sci-fi adventure story, and the ending leaving Max's fate up in the air has me hoping really hard that she somehow finds a way to survive.

Thanks, what I was actually trying to do with the blue skinned aliens is humanize them so the twist is even more surprising for the reader, but I probably should have found a better way to do that. 

After reading it again, I realize that I should edit my test scene.

I will go make some small changes based on your suggestions, sorry that I didn't say it earlier but thank you so much for reading and reviewing my writing, I appreciate when anyone does that (as long as it's constructive criticism) especially a good writer like yourself.

By the way I found yours amazing

Thank you!

Sorry, I know I sent it in a PM but it should go here.

Nice concept. I would read this book!

Okay...Let me have it!
 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

*wipes away a tear*

That paragraph was priceless. You fit all the tropes in so well that I didn't even notice they were there. Badass grandparents, for the win.

No, seriously, that was one well-written paragraph that pulled off satirical humor while maintaining a perfectly serious tone beautifully. The word choices were amazing, and the images that your writing conjured up in my mind literally made me laugh out loud.

Thanks.

Edit:  Just read yours.  It would make a great sci-fi/action movie or novel.

Holy hell, that was a pretty good writing exercise. Took me about three attempts to write my load of BS. :( 

Just finished reading it.  Good work.  :)

Lol, just read yours. You did a very good job of doing all three in so few words! And it was funny! And thanks for reading mine! 

Thanks.  That's me.  A man of few words.  I should have mentioned, when coming up with names, I didn't even think of Roxy.  And that's my Grandfathers name!

:O, lol. 

XD Funny story!

Plurp, lol. I really enjoyed it, but I didn't like the ending, I thought Ashley was about to open a can of whoop ass, but instead he got punk'd and robbed by some tall creep. I really like the history of the plurps and humans and the inside jokes, it was a really neat touch on the scene! 

Yo. the_quiller, that was amazing imagery you have going on in your story!! I really enjoyed it!!  

@Briar_Rose

Nice story.  I empathized with the alien.  :'(

Thank you! ^_^

Done... I got WAY too carried away with that story. It was just so much fun trying to write from the point of view of a creature that humans can't fathom. I kinda made up my own little universe where the aliens were all originally one creature that divided into several different parts that can split up and join together as much as they like. I was also gonna try and come up with a bunch of emotions that the aliens could feel, but humans had no understanding of, but I think I put way too much in there already. 

Reading yours made me...really sad, Briar_Rose. It was written beautifully, with amazing characterization and a very jarring sense of inhumanity to your alien, but it still made me sad. Or rather, BECAUSE it was so well-characterized, the fact that the alien Bob and John just can't understand each other was all the more depressing.

Very interesting alien species that raises a lot of very interesting questions.

Props for managing to hit such great character notes and keep me completely engrossed throughout all 2 1/2 pages.

Awhh, thanks quiller! ^_^

Very well done. :)

Does it count if the aliens are benevolent, but ultimately fail to greatly improve the lives of humanity? I mean, not even getting to the point where they execute their tasks of kindness, but get to the point where they're able to do their kind thing for humanity and then the cancer cure turns out to fail, or the life-giving ray actually turns human corpses into living parrots, as opposed to bringing them back from death unaltered, or their big basket of interstellar puppies starved to death before they could give them to good homes?

...is that a hypothetical question? XD

But yes, you can take the tropes in whatever direction you like, as long as they're at least vaguely recognizable. ^_^

Okay, good. By the way, if you're changing owls depending on how awake you are, how awake is that owl you're currently showing? It looks like it's about ready to go to bed, but can't because it's at a social gathering and it just got its feathers all brushed.

It looks pretty spiffy in its neatly groomed feathers and super-white down though. It's the person that all your random distant relatives try to introduce a significant other to.

Nah, the owl looks too formal for that. He's like the guy at the English Gentleman banquet who lost interest as soon as he forgot his hat and monocle and fet rather awkward without them, and eventually sat down to watch cricket with the social outcasts until the party began to die down and he just went home because he didn't want to be th guy that left early.

"About ready to go to bed, but can't" is my usual state, when conscious. XD

Though I might make some coffee and switch to caffeinated!Owl...

XD

"or their big basket of interstellar puppies starved to death before they could give them to good homes?"  XD

That could be considered an act of war!  *pounding desk*  XD

If mine passed, I have faith that yours will

Yeah, but to put this into an analogy where our aliens can more easily be compared, yours actually got around to taking out their neighbor's trash, even if they did end up just dumping out half of it and putting the rest back in the bin, but mine are going to try and take out their neighbor's trash but trip over and skin their knees on their porch doorstep and leave the trash where they  dropped it while they head home for band-aids.

Okay, this thread is starting to take a noticeable amount of time to load on my computer. New thread!

For any of you insane enough not to TL;DR, I'd like your critique. XD

It would be a lot shorter without the duplicate paragraphs.  XD