Edithe Zilonis

a Mystery / Puzzle by MadHattersDaughter

Commended by mizal on 7/19/2019 1:25:11 AM

Player Rating6.17/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 19 ratings since 07/18/2019
played 249 times (finished 24)

Story Difficulty1/8

"no possible way to lose"

Play Length6/8

"It'll be a while, better grab a Snickers®"

Maturity Level3/8

"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

An undertaker meets a dead woman who is more alive than most of the living.

A (mostly) illustrated story involving a very mysterious murder, ghostly romance and spirits possessing --- the dead?

Let's not worry ourselves with the details. This is Blackwood, after all.

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Player Comments

This is a fantastic spin on the traditional murder mystery with magical and mystical elements woven into the narration in a manner so splendid that I never thought to question them at any point in the story. Because of the way the narration is presented, the protagonist speaking with the dead felt frighteningly natural; I never felt the need to have this strange ability explained to me. Which brings me to my next point, exposition. When dealing with fantastical abilities and events, over-explaining them often makes them lose a certain mysterious charm which in turn causes them to be tedious and boring. This is not the case here. Just enough information about the mystical and occult elements in the story is given to make me wonder and theorize about them thus making them interesting to me, and yet they are not laid bare in front of me so that I might lose interest on account of the mystery being explained to me as if I were a preschooler.
The characters I found to be endearing and quite likeable, particularly the undertaker. The dedication and love he showed for his work, as well as the involvement and receptiveness he continually shows to his charges are quite enjoyable as a reader. Edithe comes out as a strong and determined young woman with a golden heart and a gentle soul, which is always good and welcome. The undertaker’s sister’s brief appearances are also worthy of note, and I personally quite liked the vengeful spirit/regretful estranged sibling character that she represents.
This may not be a traditional CYOA, and as far as I could tell it has only two endings (though I may be wrong), with the various decisions you make along the way mainly dictating what information you received and how. This may sound like a complaint, but it most certainly isn’t. This kind of narration perhaps benefits much more out of having a more or less structured path. The author was clearly trying to tell a specific, concise tale and adding multiple paths and endings in an effort to make it more in line with the norm here would have likely caused the story and its intricacies to suffer as a result.
I did feel that the story ended rather abruptly, with the realization about the murderer’s state of being, the confrontation with him and the actual ending all happening in quick succession. Personally, I would have liked to learn more about the murderer and his motives. Was he Edithe’s father? Why did he kill Edithe and the sister?
In any event, this is a very good story with excellent illustrations that really do a wonderful job of setting the tone for the entire story and conveying both the physical appearance and personality of the characters they describe. All in all, this is a fun and interesting story that everyone should take the time to read from start to finish. Several times, if possible.
-- DarkSpawn on 8/5/2019 1:32:13 AM with a score of 0
Intro: Now I'm going to start off by saying this is a great game. You should definitely read it and I would definitely recommend it. If you are the type of person who reads reviews before games, I'm going to warn you that this review will spoil the entire story for young and before you read this review you should play the game. Also by all means you should play this game. It is a great game that by all means deserves to be featured. Besides one major problem I'm going to touch on later this story is magnificent.

Concept: The concept was the main reason why I was drawn to review this story. I love the whole undertaker thing, and love how it is implemented. I lean towards darker themes in general so that definitely helps. I also the whole afterlife thing, and how you are judged before judges and get to pick where you go is great, and it is implemented great as well. I would of liked to see it explored more, but given the focus of the story I see why it wasn't.

Plot: The plot itself is pretty basic, though the way it is written makes it go from basic to amazing. While a girl getting murdered and you having to find out who did it may be basic, the story puts a lot of different spins on it that turns this into a story worth telling. That combined with how well it is written and this is a must read. I can't pick out what, but something about the authors writing puts this story on a whole new tier. Even though the plot is kind of basic, the concept and characters are the main driving force for me. Speaking of...

Characters: I absolutely love the characters in this. The undertaker himself feels like an old man, though it is stated later that that is not the case. The girl herself has a flaring personality that contrasts nicely with the more reserved, sweet, and caring vibes I got from the undertaker, and their senses of humor pair nicely.

Structure: This is my biggest complaint with the story overall. The story itself is very liner, with the only major decision being the final one and all that one determines is what ending you get. Honestly if it just had more paths or just something to make it more of a cyoa the quality would be improved drastically. Though I would rather have this than a story that branched, and because of that the story suffered because of it. But if you can keep this quality of writing, and add branching, then do that.

Word count:13.6k. Overall not a bad length, though not a terribly long one either. Though in this story's case I think I prefer this length. It makes a decent read while not being too long as to be overwhelming. Also the fact that it is short means that it is nice and compact, and that makes it so that it is interesting throughout.

Spelling and grammar: Amazing. Noticed a few things, but nothing to detract from the story.

Conclusion: Definitely a story worth reading. I would be interested to read more from the same author. I have to give this game a 6/8. The writing was amazing, and the only bug flaw was the branching. If that had been fixed I would have given it a 7, but as it is it is a welcome addition to the featured page.


-- Serpent on 7/31/2019 8:19:11 AM with a score of 0
Edithe Zilonis is overall a well-done story, and I would happily read another from the same author.

I quite liked the narration style and the occasional pages talking about the past or some other event. It gave the story the feel that it was actually written by the main character and narrator as a memoir of sorts. It also gave it a somewhat different feel from anything I can remember reading on here, which was quite nice.
I felt that there was a right amount of explanation to the fantasy elements to the story to leave me unconfused without bogging down the narration. I would have liked to maybe see a bit more about the whole murder and the motivations for it and such though, considering the category this was in.
There were not any mechanical errors that stood out to me—definitely nothing that broke the flow of the story.
Although not necessary, the illustrations were a nice touch as well.

However, it would have been really nice to have more real choices, I thought. The vast majority of choices had no real effect on the story, and while some like that could have added to the before mentioned memoir feeling, it is too much for every choice to be that way. Most of the choices seemed to only determine whether the reader would get an extra page to read. The format is reminiscent of the CoG style of games in that way.
If you are into that format, then that is fine, and you faggot who reads reviews before stories will like this. However, I am not, and branching means a lot to me.

I recommend this interesting and unique story, but with the warning that it is better considered as a sort of interactive novella than as a CYOA.

-- Cricket on 7/25/2019 4:29:48 PM with a score of 0
needs more of her name. I didn't realise her name was Edithe Zilonis until the end. was not clear enough. thank u
-- Edithe Zilonis on 8/3/2019 8:34:17 AM with a score of 0
This is a very well-written story. I'm not entirely sure how much actual branching occurs; the length of the entire storygame is 13,000 words, and my read-through was quite lengthy, leading me to suspect, by sheer mathematics, that there aren't a great number of multiple endings. Most of the choices seemed to be about letting my decide how information was provided, if I want to talk to Person A or Person B, and so forth.

Which I don't say as a complaint. When I saw this story was published last week and took a peek at it and knew it was going to be a hit. So I'm very glad I took some time to read it today. The scene is set well (although I was unsure about the time period, due to the mention of carriages, freezers, and electricity); the characterizations were told in an interesting way, with just enough detail to help me understand the story, but without the need to overexplain things I don't need to know; and the overall story offers a satisfying amount of mystery.

This is a fine story, and I'd like to see more from this author.
-- Bill_Ingersoll on 7/23/2019 8:14:31 AM with a score of 0
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