Player Comments on Lilly of the Forest

I like the idea for this story. I think that is a really targeted audience for the story, but that’s fine. I’m just not sure how many others of that age that are going to find this story or even this web site, but hopefully some will, because that would be nice. I can appreciate the limited number of options as well because as you point out; too many options might make it too confusing for the target audience.

The options themselves were interesting because there really was a path through the story where you don’t do anything, don’t really see anything, and just go home. I’m not sure what that would say about your reader who selected that path. I mean, I can kind of see why it’s there, but that path leads to, well, a story where nothing happens, and what’s the point of a story where nothing happens, even if the story is for very young children?

Overall, this is a nice story considering the target audience for the story. I also like how actions earlier in the story can affect the story later on (hi, mama bear!). Thank you for sharing the story with the site.
-- Ogre11 on 7/2/2018 12:36:25 PM with a score of 0
For a young child, I think it's a very good game. It has a storybook-like atmosphere to it, and the vocabulary is well-chosen. For a four~five year old, there maybe are a few words they don't know, but that would make this game an even better learning experience. Nice job!
-- Crescentstar on 12/2/2016 2:29:54 PM with a score of 0
For a game created for a four- to five- year old, it was great. The correct choices all reflect morals of altruism, determination, perseverance, etc. Perhaps because this site has already conditioned me to expect 'continue or die' choices, I was constantly paranoid that something horrible was about to happen to the main character, but that ultimately proved not to be the case, haha. It was well-written with good grammar and spelling, and at a level that I think toddlers can easily understand what is going on. Pictures would have vastly improved the experience.

Outside of the context of a game for a toddler, however, I found it cute but ultimately without any sort of suspense (not counting my own overly paranoid brain). The descriptions were quite skimpy, and some of the choices such as 'keep climbing' were a little repetitive and felt a bit tedious. It didn't really bother me much and I felt that it was worth playing through at least once, but I probably won't be replaying this.

All in all, good job. I'd love to see you make a game targeted at an older audience, because you seem to have an excellent grasp of literacy and a knack for building up a great atmosphere for your story.
-- the_quiller on 7/16/2014 8:47:34 PM with a score of 0
i wanted her to not run and become friends with the wolf anyways it was a good story.
-- Naomi c. on 4/3/2020 3:29:29 PM with a score of 0
I like it but it should be more
-- Hamdi on 4/3/2020 11:04:46 AM with a score of 0
it was awesome!
-- morgan on 4/3/2020 10:11:26 AM with a score of 0
no commets
-- landon on 4/3/2020 10:01:01 AM with a score of 0
I like that you can pick your own adventure and I like what the options are, but I think there should be more excitement in the story. :)
-- Mia on 4/3/2020 9:32:04 AM with a score of 0
I like that you gave us a chance to pick what we wanted to happen in the book! And I like that the mama bear saved Lily from the fox because Lily saved the baby bear. I also just really like the book. I would read this instead of going to recces!
-- Tessa on 4/3/2020 9:15:28 AM with a score of 0
I think it is a 5 because it didn't give much detail and
Lilly did not get to the bear to see if its OK but the good thing is that she helped the bear.
-- Naomi U. on 4/3/2020 8:23:42 AM with a score of 0
the story was good. not the best, but not the worst. if only it was longer
-- grace on 4/3/2020 8:21:07 AM with a score of 0
-- TXKH on 1/10/2020 7:54:57 AM with a score of 0
it was very good!
-- bob on 1/8/2020 9:39:11 AM with a score of 0
i liked it but there should be a read alout button
-- hosei on 11/26/2019 5:38:33 PM with a score of 0
I really liked this,it's fun and exciting.
-- Samia Spurlock on 10/14/2019 7:24:55 PM with a score of 0
I liked it was really interesting
-- Javair on 10/14/2019 3:20:08 PM with a score of 0
A beautiful story! Even if it was short, there was no death, and I got food!
-- AMuggleNerd on 9/26/2019 7:57:08 AM with a score of 0
Your story inspired me to write my own adventure for children! It's created very nicely.
-- Matt on 6/13/2019 5:16:18 AM with a score of 0
It was amazing! I liked being in charge.
-- keeley on 1/31/2019 9:02:35 AM with a score of 0
relly bad
-- ghef on 1/31/2019 9:01:09 AM with a score of 0
-- jeff on 1/30/2019 6:20:25 AM with a score of 0
I may have underestimated my daughter. She loves this sort of thing though
-- Anthony on 1/8/2019 11:53:08 PM with a score of 0
Really nice for a short childs story.
-- PaulaAnneMason on 11/11/2018 2:32:29 PM with a score of 0
Super short, super sweet. I enjoyed this.
-- Felscor on 6/9/2018 5:19:17 AM with a score of 0
-- PrincessStarlight on 4/30/2018 10:02:53 AM with a score of 0
itys a really great game
-- cameron on 1/24/2018 4:03:08 AM with a score of 0
it was ok
-- millie on 1/9/2018 7:14:21 AM with a score of 0
wonderful but I could of make it better but ok. it would be more funny if the baby bear kills her and eats her and make a voodoo doll and end up killing her granny :()
-- princess peach on 1/4/2018 9:01:08 AM with a score of 0
so fun I love it so much do another pone where she dies god bless ya xx
-- princess bride on 1/4/2018 9:00:05 AM with a score of 0
with the age group intended 8/8
-- AurondragonTyr on 10/29/2017 11:41:13 PM with a score of 0
For your intended audience, this was perfect. Exactly the sort of thing that a four-year-old girl would love. Heck, I would've loved this as a kid. Very cute :)
-- PhantomStylus on 6/2/2017 2:26:45 PM with a score of 0
This was really cute. I would have written it higher if it had illustrations, something every children's story needs. But I think thus is underrated because I feel the author accomplished what was intended.
-- Battlemage on 4/8/2017 1:56:07 PM with a score of 0
I am 8 years old and I want to be an author when I grow up. I've already written Lilly The Witch 1. I am thinking to do Lilly the witch 2 as an adventure book.
-- sanya on 1/2/2017 9:01:43 PM with a score of 0
10/10 better than rise of iron
-- Lord Saldbar on 10/5/2016 4:16:26 AM with a score of 0
my favourite game ever!!!! please do more
-- garry on 10/3/2016 7:10:35 AM with a score of 0
-- Hazza on 10/3/2016 7:09:51 AM with a score of 0
bad, don't recommend
-- kayla on 10/3/2016 7:09:10 AM with a score of 0
Pretty boring ngl, not really a game as such.
-- Sophie on 10/3/2016 7:08:48 AM with a score of 0
It was amazing
-- T.wiltshire on 10/2/2016 8:19:10 AM with a score of 0
I found this interesting because you can end up with many endings.
-- Louise Graham on 9/30/2016 8:49:23 AM with a score of 0
It was good and I thought it was very clever
-- Tillie Walters on 9/30/2016 2:22:10 AM with a score of 0
it was ok
-- wendy on 9/25/2016 4:15:52 PM with a score of 0
Really cute! That looks awesome and great for little kids! When i grow up and have a kid, i will have to show them this story!
-- Ginnyweasleybooklove on 7/20/2016 4:08:57 PM with a score of 0
This is good, I'm only concerned about one thing: if a child comes across a wild animal, especially something like a baby bear, they should NOT approach. I'm not really one of those people who freaks out about these things, I can appreciate avoid story. Just thought I would point it out??
-- Ryndragonmaster on 1/25/2016 6:59:30 PM with a score of 0
There was no grammar or punctuation errors I could find. But It is very, very short.
-- Zaguiza14 on 12/7/2015 11:02:32 PM with a score of 0
I chose to read this one to see how other people are putting thiers together. Honestly I thought it was fantastic for young readers. However the ending really wasn't my favorite part. Also it felt as though it had a broken record effect. Lilly was walking through the forest (next page) Lilly was walking through the forest. I think you should cut back on some of that line lol but over all it was enjoyable to read and use your story as a learning experience.
-- shadowstar on 10/13/2015 7:55:14 PM with a score of 0
Kind of dull in my opinion. Just cause it's a kids story doesn't mean you can't make interesting characters or a more complex plot.

And this is more of an infant story. 3/8
-- SonicTurboTurtle on 9/28/2015 12:20:37 AM with a score of 0
A little dull...
-- Mardox on 6/26/2015 9:03:47 PM with a score of 0
Cute, but just because it's a kid's story does not mean that it has to be so linear.
-- lilyluna on 2/2/2015 2:30:10 PM with a score of 0
I know it was for little kids, but tell me. What little kids go on this sight?
-- Catpoptart on 1/19/2015 9:04:51 AM with a score of 0
Malk, this is supposed to be read to children.
-- FazzTheMan on 12/31/2014 2:00:40 AM with a score of 0
I'm afraid I had to rate this 3/8. The writing felt sort of average, and it quickly becomes apparent that this shouldn't be published on CYS. We don't actually have any five-year-olds on here.

Maybe I'll read it to my nephew; see what he thinks. I'm just observing from a critical standpoint.
-- Malkalack on 12/3/2014 8:07:46 AM with a score of 0
its so cute! its a rating of 8 but i like peanut butter cups more then enlightning so i will show my sister this [shes 4 too] ^3^
-- awww------- on 11/22/2014 1:04:47 PM with a score of 0
Great book for younger kids! My little sister read it and truly seemed to enjoy it. Thanks!
-- Tyler_Rogers on 10/27/2014 9:03:48 PM with a score of 0
So cute! Great for my lil sister when she gets older! I can't wait to read it to her!
-- TheSophia on 7/30/2014 3:06:41 AM with a score of 0
I gave it a 6/8 because I felt merciful. The problem with this story lies in two contradicting facts:

1.You explicitly stated it was for 5 or 6 year olds.
2. 5 or 6 year olds are usually not on the internet, and they are usually too busy playing COD, if they are.

Still, it was fairly well written, so I must congratulate you.
-- jamescoker1226 on 6/30/2014 12:09:47 AM with a score of 0
-- Kitsumaru on 6/27/2014 12:45:00 AM with a score of 0
It's cute, but if you're trying to appeal to children (and I hope you are) then I highly recommend adding pictures.
-- Kiel_Farren on 5/18/2014 4:56:17 AM with a score of 0
Cute. :)
-- DeepMisery on 4/14/2014 8:39:11 AM with a score of 0
I loved it.
I'm an old man.
-- OldManWillakers on 12/5/2013 8:22:40 PM with a score of 0
Um... this story had little detail and little story. I finished the game in literally 1 minute. Kind of short for 3/8 length. But... it still was neat and short 3/8
-- Rockdude11 on 10/31/2013 10:01:14 PM with a score of 0
I love this!! I read it with my two small girls, who are two and four, and they had great fun. I liked the adventures in the forest - I think the little pastiches were perfect for the girls' attention spans and curiosity.
-- Mouse on 9/15/2013 1:29:16 AM with a score of 0
Very cute story, but I know my little sister would not touch it without pictures.
-- Skysworne on 7/23/2013 3:11:16 PM with a score of 0
Played this with my baby brother, he liked it very much, so I boosted the rating a bit.
-- Aman on 7/19/2013 2:22:42 PM with a score of 0
nice :)
-- paterson on 6/7/2013 5:28:50 AM with a score of 0
And how the fuck is a child supposed to play this. When it has learned to read, it is already too old for this kind of game. Not complete shit, just inappropriate. 2/8
-- Tgetruegamer on 1/2/2013 8:32:41 PM with a score of 0
D'awhh. It's cute!
-- Briar_Rose on 10/31/2012 7:48:13 PM with a score of 0
This is very good for a small child. I feel that it is very enjoyable, and if I had a child I would most defiantly let them play with it. I think that it was simple enough for them to navigate, while complex enough for them to challenge their mind.
-- ZombieAuthor on 10/30/2012 4:50:17 PM with a score of 0
That was a nice story for little kids.
-- Amy2 on 10/27/2012 8:30:56 AM with a score of 0
I'm far too old for this, but I liked the ending, I thought it was sweet.

Is the question at the end intended to get a child's parents/caretakers to encourage the child to engage her/his imagination and describe the fairy dust and what its for? I liked how you built up a sense of safety and comfort before asking that question at the end.

As I went through the game, I kept going because I imagined that is what I was supposed to do. However, I figure a real child would have gone home pretty early. Perhaps if you provide some reason why the child need to get the fairy dust? Or at least needs to meet the fairy? Maybe a dream told her to climb the hill or something.

-- reddir on 10/21/2012 9:26:21 PM with a score of 0
kitty story
-- CovElite on 10/14/2012 8:56:02 PM with a score of 0
i love it
-- bells23 on 6/5/2012 9:31:30 PM with a score of 0
it was magical very fun
-- bells23 on 5/2/2012 8:08:18 PM with a score of 0
So cute!
-- Meriko on 3/28/2012 12:49:57 AM with a score of 0
Awww! So adorable! I love how simple it is! If I had brain damage, this would totally be my favorite story!
-- NeverMind on 1/22/2012 11:25:09 PM with a score of 0
Fun! ^_^
-- Jenette Turpin on 1/5/2012 2:31:04 PM with a score of 0
Very nice story
-- BerkaZerka on 12/31/2011 10:23:41 PM with a score of 0
Interesting idea but not sure same effect not possible reading and discussing a "normal" picture book story. and I wonder about lack of visuals for a four year old. but I'd like to try it out
-- Laurie on 12/28/2011 6:08:41 AM with a score of 0
it's cute! and it is pretty good for a 4-5 year old. very simple and cute!
-- SEULaw on 12/3/2011 10:30:05 PM with a score of 0
Good for the kids.
-- written_agreement on 11/13/2011 8:51:57 PM with a score of 0
Well-written for a children's story. 6/8
-- RiterOfWrandom on 7/4/2011 9:24:47 PM with a score of 0
It's so adorable:) I love innocence
-- Secretstarz7 on 6/27/2011 10:58:37 PM with a score of 0
It is pretty cute, but it's not for me. Just because I don't like it doesn't mean it's not a good story though, which is what I try to rate on. Bo approves
-- ThisisBo on 5/13/2011 6:03:22 PM with a score of 0
Clearly, the word that best sums this up is "cute."

-- Sethaniel on 5/4/2011 4:45:16 PM with a score of 0
This is a very adorable story. It contains common themes that young children would find fun and exciting. I think you set a good example for other parents and grandparents on the site for them to make their own stories for their loved ones.
-- jkulibert2 on 4/26/2011 8:42:19 PM with a score of 0
That game is the best! Good job!
-- raymi100 on 3/14/2011 6:54:21 PM with a score of 0
This is a very cute story. One that I think would be very amusing and adorable for young children. I think it would be awesome if you could find some pictures (or draw some if you're good at that), and it would make the story that much better.
-- Zikara on 2/6/2011 1:03:53 AM with a score of 0
very cute
-- yourname on 2/2/2011 10:41:06 PM with a score of 0
it was cute and interesting, but i think you're meant to make a sequel am i right? you ended it like its the beginning of another book.
-- fergie14233 on 11/4/2010 9:13:23 PM with a score of 0
I think its a very sweet, but simple story. Its definatly a good story for small children. Good job!
-- Salidia on 10/29/2010 4:34:50 PM with a score of 0
I adjusted the story just a little bit so the princess recognizes both feats when they are completed. My granddaughter sailed through the story. When we talked about what the fairy dust might do, I suggested maybe I could sprinkle it on her to make her invisible. She waved at the top of my head and said that she would sprinkle it on my head to make my hair grow! I may try to lengthen the next story to see if she can stay with a longer one. Have to use only two choices though (evaluating and choosing from three alternatives is a lot for a young mind to handle).
-- casmith on 10/27/2010 10:18:46 AM with a score of 0
I actually really enjoyed this, thanks for the contribution to the site.
-- JJJ-thebanisher on 10/27/2010 1:19:02 AM with a score of 0
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