Magellan 3: Journey to New Horizons

Player Rating5.97/8

"#147 overall, #14 for 2016"
based on 78 ratings since 04/02/2016
played 496 times (finished 88)

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length5/8

"Not going to lose any sleep"

Maturity Level4/8

"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.

As you country continue to expand beyond the borders of the Great Reef into the largely unknown world of Magellan worrying news arrives: Tobias Cuthrew, the greatest sailor your people have known, has vanished while on a voyage of exploration into the West. Once more your hard-hearted monarch Queen Anne-Marie demands your services, this time to lead an expedition to find your missing comrade. But is there more to this mission that meets the eye?

Author's Note: As always thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my stories and a larger thank you to the CYOA community at large for giving me a reason to write them in the first place :) I have specifically tried to make this story less linear than the last, with four main story branches.

Player Comments

I’m certainly a fan of the format that Will uses for his storygames. Some storygames published are ‘more story than game’, others are game/puzzle focused, but Will’s are the perfect blend of story and game. As he has one of the most (if not the most) published games on the site, I guess that makes sense. Still an impressive feat though and that’s why I wanted to bring it up first.

The opening page reminds me of a “ready room”. You know, like before you enter a game of laser tag where the staff member explains the rules and how to point a fake gun at little kids (spoiler alert: it’s the same way you point a real gun at little kids). All that’s to say, I felt like I was gearing up for a real mission right from the beginning.
As this is the first Magellan game I’ve played, I have to assume your two best friends (Eva & Naomi) were given more backstory in the previous two. Or at least playing the others creates a backstory for this one. Still, I enjoyed their dynamic character traits and vastly different personalities.

One thing that I found a little distracting were the bold ship names. Bold as in black and thick, not in the daring and courageous way. I would have preferred simple capitalizations or even italics. Bold text is just too much in my opinion. Are the ship names really that important?

Some thoughts the text provoked:

-The writing style seems quite formal, which is fitting for the story.

-The many characters are hard to follow without the inventory list. You’re not forced to pick it up, but you’re kind of lost without it.

-There didn’t seem like many choices that weren’t simple shifts in branching. I suppose that’s what you want from a storygame, but I didn’t really stumble upon any dead ends or choices in the path I was following. Maybe it’s all in my head, but it felt like each choice took me to a different story rather than meaningful changes on the current path I was taking.

I have to say, I enjoyed the author’s note at the end. It was neat to “see behind the curtain”. Not only that, Will encouraged us with real life application. Real neat! Go out there and Journey to New Horizons, folks.
-- ninjapitka on 5/14/2019 2:26:42 PM with a score of 0
You getting a lot better, but you still have a spelling/grammar mistake on the page "The Western Passage". It said, "Both Naomi and Eva below you (I forget what words are exactly after, something about anchoring)." It should be "Both Naomi and Eva bellow to you."

Also while you are getting there with character relations, keep in mind that Magellan is short, and so you should have a sort of break or pause from the story, like during sailing through empty sea, and during that moment, have the hero ask the character about their lives, provide a list of questions about things like how they grew up and why they wanted to become a sailor and stuff, so we can kind of get a feel for what they like.

Thirdly, Some characters are disjointed between stories.. For example, in Magellan 2, near the end, (SPOILER IF YOU HAVENT READ MAGELLAN 2), Leo says he loves Eva Freer, and Naomi Swift says she loves Leo. I didn't find a single mention of that, or any awkwardness, in this story. And as I mentioned in Magellan 1 and 2, make it so we can go more in depth with characters.

Finally: Cranking out a series in only a week or 2 doesn't help very much. You might as well stick them into one big story and have different chapters with short recaps of what happened between stories. You have no hook at the beginning or end, and for me, sailing stories should be longer. Where are all the hardships at sea and what happens on the ship itself? I know more about sailing than what goes on inside Leo Trapa's ship, and I don't know HOW to sail.
-- Anonymous on 4/4/2016 5:10:22 PM with a score of 1
Thankfully, I get to spend more time here with characters I really like, someof whom, I think, loathe me, but with whom I love to tangle, invariably unsuccessfully. I am a huge fan of Magellan 1 and 2, and at first this one didn't feel like it had the vast branching of the 2nd game. The stakes felt a little smaller here (instead of a high-stakes diplomatic mission, there's a "strange visitation" of a "man in strange clothes" which, while it *turns into* something cool, doesn't kick off the action quite as well as in 2. What happens there would be rather spoilerific for me to say, but it does fell somewhat linear there, with seven or so pages in a row with loads of text and no choices, where I desperately wanted to make choices in the interaction with Kenshin and Ieyasu.

In spite of the generally linear structure of the larger branches (and there is some serious branching going on here, just with long stretches of straight narrative *within* those branches) this was a rollicking sea adventure. There may not be a *ton* of choices (like in #2) but the choices there were were fun and more than a little nervewracking. I am a little horrified by the ending I got in spite of the scene with Naomi. I think you being able to horrify me with who things turned out politically and militarily is a really good sign.

All in all, I like it a notch less than 2, but still a very, very good read, with well-crafted prose.
-- Gower on 9/4/2019 7:37:58 PM with a score of 1
OK, now I understand a bit more about Magellan 2. Very enjoyable. Keep them coming!
-- Quorrah on 1/14/2017 10:46:34 PM with a score of 1
I really enjoyed this one as well, although this seemed shorter than the first two. Maybe I just read it faster.
-- EbonVasilis on 1/4/2017 5:14:13 PM with a score of 1
This was Great!!
-- lejama88 on 8/17/2016 2:31:06 AM with a score of 1
Very good!
-- Nazhfa on 6/26/2016 1:32:52 AM with a score of 1
very nice. betrayal, how awesome.
-- Shinobi on 6/13/2016 11:24:50 AM with a score of 1
Thanks for Malk, Mason and CurseofTime for the feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed it Steve (Swift is too withdrawn about asserthing her opinions but maybe she will improve with time), I think Anonymous's comment is one of the more intelligent and thoughtful I've received recently so I will spend a little time responding.

I do make a lot of grammar and spelling typos I shouldn't (partly because I type on computers in China with dodgy spellcheckers) but especially in this series as I have a real writing enthusiasm atm. I've tried to put the storylines into the events so they develop naturally as the reader progresses through the story, I do not want the reader to miss something important because they have taken a different path. If I made the stories longer I guess they'd be different relationships to pursue but for a multiple-choice story writer I'm alarmingly narrow minded :) Haha hopefully this will change with time.

There are a few references to Leo's love of Eva in the story but I feel I should have written that more strongly. All writers write from experience or imagination and lets just say my shortfall is writing about romances :D

I appreciate your point about writing the episodes of the series too fast, it's a major criticism of mine for people who publish in parts. I believe if something has a clear beginning, middle and end and is rated 5/8 or 6/8 in length you can justify calling it a series. Homo Perfectus is a great series. This is a good series but I agree if you haven't read the previous parts there will not be much interest in the current part, a shortfall not shared by HP where ever story (in my opinion) is as good as the last. Essentially you are right I should spend more time on these stories but I consider them almost as episodes of a series rather than a feature length film. When my current career allows me enough time to write something full-length like Hunting the Ripper I'll be more happier than anyone else to shut myself in a hotel room or seaside cabin and type away for a few months.

Essentially I agree that these stories deserve a 5/8 or 6/8 if people are feeling generous, as I'm a decent but not especially talented author (unlike some of my favourite site members curse them... in a nice way) which means I need to spend a lot of time to try to put out something really good. I hope to have the time to do this soon, until then I'm content showing that not all the new stories submitted here have to be brain-torture :) (I know there's a lot of good new stories but lately for me they seem to be getting swept away by the tide of sewage... but that's probably just me being negative) :)

Anyway, thank you for everyone's feedback and thank you for everyone who has the time, patience and interest to read my written ramblings :)
-- Will11 on 4/7/2016 6:42:53 AM with a score of 1
This was amazing. Best of the seekers in my opinion, although 1 comes closes for not being depressing as shit. The characters were great and I really cared for some, and hated others. It had an intriguing plot, although I was annoyed Swift waited until after the pirates were executed to speak up because they were cool, it had fascinating cultures and a great setting. Truly so great storygame. Well done.
-- Steve24833 on 4/2/2016 6:44:26 PM with a score of 1
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