Sir Osis

Player Rating5.73/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 27 ratings since 04/26/2019
played 140 times (finished 20)

Story Difficulty2/8

"walk in the park"

Play Length6/8

"It'll be a while, better grab a Snickers®"

Maturity Level3/8

"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

It's about a time in the life of a knight named Sir Osis. There's a pony too

Winner of Sir Corgi's Lords of the Land contest.  Originally published April 14, 2019, but briefly unpublished for edits to the font and description.

This story is "Cave of Time" style. So just make use of that back button if you would like to see another path.  Please let me know what you thought of the story after you read it.  I appreciate comments.

"Sir Osis" is dedicated to my grandfather whom I never met.  Your granddaughter has an irreverent sense of humor.  

Special thanks to Ghost11 for the motivation, suggestion, and inspiration for one of the endings.  

 

Player Comments

Sir Osis is definitely a nice read. It's been quite a few months that I've read any of your work, and I can see a huge improvement from what I last remember from you. It makes me happy.

Coming to the story, Sir Osis is a light-hearted read, full of humorous dialogues. The narration was nice, and so was the overall setting. I, especially, loved how Sir Osis tries to be a hero, saving all kinds of damsels in distress; however, no such damsel could be found. That was funny. The story is full of dialogues and narratives I would consider witty and a much needed break from the (sort of) intense misadventures going on. Sir Osis seems like the sort of character who is bound to attract misfortune, whether he decides that chivalry is not dead and goes out or stays in because sleeping is always the better option. The story makes the protagonist a "real" person, dealing with varying dilemmas revolving around life and death (...literally). The different consequences following different actions lead to a better understanding of the protagonist's personality. Sir Osis is a knight who, though, constantly worries about the nobility of his actions, knows that all goes to trash when it comes to safeguarding his own life. Not exactly ideal per se, but very real, as a matter of fact. Although I feel that all endings are justified and satisfyingly apt, my most favourite one would be where he ends up being the step father to seven children; because, let's be honest, he's getting at least *something* here instead of ending up dead or shying and hiding away from potential acquaintances in other routes. XD

Overall, I enjoyed it.
-- Nehal on 4/23/2019 2:19:58 PM
I learned something new in the first sentence alone. A thrush is a songbird. Who would have known? I thought Cricket was going Shakespeare on us creating her own words. I know it’s only the first sentence, but this is the type of memorable thing that reflects positively on a story. For the reminder of my life every time I hear ‘thrush’, I’m going to think about Sir Osis. Well played, Cricket. Well played.

Shock factor is also included in the opening. The author goes into great detail about the pleasantness of the morning. We read about all the possible factors that contribute to a poor day. And yet the main character, Sir Osis, hates it. Like, why would a knightly man with assuming honorable characteristics hate such a good day? Read it to find out, dummy. And that’s what I did.

I think I saw this mentioned already, but the formatting is a bit distracting. It’s an easy fix too, but I’m guessing the contest deadline played into its apparent rushed import. No need to beat a dead horse on this issue. Unless it has blue eyes and a white walker rides atop it. Then you burn that MF.

I like the decision to go with a third person POV. It’s a nice change of pace from the typical storygame on this site. I will say the past-tense element sort of hurts the ‘game’ aspect since we’re reading about things that already happened in a passive voice (lots of ‘was’).

One thing I really enjoy about Cricket’s writing style is the amount of attention given to little detail. The first story I read of hers in the Creative Corner was the same way. I remember a lot of the comments being “the pacing’s too slow” or “it’s a lot of text about nothing”. With respect to those people, they’re flat out wrong. The attention given to seemingly miniscule detail is part of the reason why Cricket’s writing is memorable and not boring. Think back to my first paragraph. The detail given to a songbird in the background created a positive response that would not have occurred if was taken with a surface approach.

Knowing Cricket a little bit, I’m not surprised she took a humoristic approach. I sort of expected an archetype anti-hero with an “f u and your mother” attitude. Sir Osis is vastly different. His bumbling, care-free demeanor is creatively shown through his actions and not the author telling us about him. You get a sense of who he is by the things that he does i.e. peeing through a window and getting most of it outside. Cricket must have done her research because that’s something every guy has done... Unless Cricket actually incorporated ‘his’ own life experience here.

No surprise that Cricket’s first storygame is deeply entertaining. Hopefully we see many more stories published in the near future!
-- ninjapitka on 4/15/2019 1:05:03 PM
I enjoyed controlling Sir Osis’ adventures. He had some pretty entertaining mishaps, I liked it when he noticed tracks and panicked, before realising they were his own. His cardio work-out as an excuse was a nice touch. The Silver Arrow of Fortune was also pretty funny.

As well as the Sir Osis charater being funny, so was the writing. I liked the language techniques you used such as “with all the speed of a drunken butterfly” and also found “Here was the blacksmith, the weaver, the tailor, the church, and any nice thing you would expect from a respectable village except for a brothel. As his lord did not allow that within his walls, the brothel was set up immediately in front of and to the left of the outermost gate” laughable, although coming from Cricket that sort of humour should not have been much of a surprise.

I think at times you could have varied sentence lengths a bit more. There were a lot of long sentences of similar length in quick succession of each other. This meant that in parts the story started to take on a monotonous and I found it starting to become hard to read.
On a similar note, I also thought that sometimes (not often, but I’ll mention it anyway) the story could have done with a little less description and moved on a bit faster.
The times that you did work in shorter sentences it worked well and effectively and helped with the flow of the story and I think using shorter sentences more would really improve the readability of the story.

I did get confused about the abundance of Mary’s in the story, but it was also kind of funny to keep encountering Mary’s in different paths. At first, I thought it was the same person, which actually could’ve worked out too if stay-at-home-path Mary broke up with the husband that was mentioned in go-to-the-village-path Mary.

I’m not really sure what ‘Cave of Time’ style is, but I liked the choices at the first part of the story. After that, it seemed to get a bit like ‘choose the right path or die’. Examples of this are when you choose between leaving the prisoners and freeing them, and also choosing between attempting escape and waiting for an opportunity. Choosing the wrong choice there, and also in a few other places abruptly ends the stories.

There were pretty much no grammatical errors that I noticed. I did catch some misspelt words (‘lofe’ on the ‘Wait for Opportunity’ page and then some missing dialogue tags on the ‘Leave them’ page) but aside from these little typos it was pretty sound.
I did notice that there were font changes which were quite distracting at times and seemed to randomly switch between pages.

Overall, I think this was a pretty good effort for your first story (I mean, we can’t really count Ineptitude…) and I’m excited to see what’s to come in the future from you :)
-- ghost11 on 4/14/2019 8:40:54 PM
I'll freely admit, I went into this story thinking "Osis" was some Isis/Osiris reference. Thankfully the "Sir Osis of the Liver" pun was revealed on the very first page, because apparently I needed the help... even as I enjoyed a crowler of craft beer while enjoying this story.

And enjoyable this story really is. Sir Osis reminded me a lot of Dogberry in Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing," particularly as played by Michael Keaton 26 years ago(!) in the Kenneth Branagh film version. In other words, Sir Osis thinks highly of himself, but almost completely lacks self-awareness; he is compelled across the countryside by his inflated sense of self-worth, and only in his interactions with the various people he meets does the reader get a sense of how Sir Osis is truly perceived.

I didn't keep a written tally, but I believe I read through 13 endings--which is not a bad number of storypaths for a 14,000-word storygame.

This particular story has two primary branches: what I'll call the "platypus" branch and the "caravan" branch. Both are worth reading, although judging by the prior comments I'll guess most readers followed the "caravan" branch.

I'll further guess that the author was most inspired by the "caravan" branch as well, as the writing quality in that half was the most polished. Personally, I enjoyed the "platypus" branch more, largely because of its pure absurdity, although the writing suffered of over-explanation and the occasional excessively long paragraph.

As I understand it, the author is relatively young, so I did enter this story with my expectations adjusted accordingly. I started writing CYOA stories from about the fifth to ninth grades, long before the CYS site existed (a few years before the internet went public, even). I still have those stories, and while I read Sir Osis I could recognize myself in the youthful technique.

As everybody who has spent much time on this site is aware, there are more than a few juvenile stories that are published on a weekly basis, where the "writer" thinks it's a big joke to publish whatever crap entered his or her mind, most of it being highly derivative if it has any quality at all.

"Sir Osis" is nothing like that. Yes, the author is young, but she went to the trouble of creating an original story complete with 13 (if I counted correctly) unique endings. None of them, as I recall, ended terribly well for Sir Osis of the Liver, but then Sir Osis of the Liver probably never ends well for anyone... . The only endings that I thought were implausible were the twin farmer/sailor endings, where Osis abandons his knighthood to become a humble laborer; I assumed his castle and his patronage were still there awaiting his return, and all he had to do was ride home and step back into his life as if nothing had happened. That seemed like the type of conceited thing Sir Osis would do anyway.

Also, I assumed throughout the story that since knighthoods are earned instead of inherited, Sir Osis must have accomplished at least one notable thing in his life. That said, I didn't let this detail bother me, since the character needed to be independent enough to roam freely through his world, but low enough in station to have legitimate fear of some of the people he met on his journeys. And as the entire story is satirical in nature, it's best not to dwell on details anyway.

What truly stood out for me in this story was the dialog. The best scenes were the ones in which Sir Osis interacted with other people, because this was where his true qualities were made clear. The author could have given us a line to the effect of "Sir Osis thinks he's all that and a bag of chips, but his lesser just suffer him with politeness."

Instead, she provides several instances of dialog where the reader gets to draw that same conclusion without the need for exposition. I felt pain for the merchants and whatnot who were expected to treat Sir Osis deferentially, because that was what the social norms dictated--even though it was clear in the subtext that these were grounded individuals, more productive to society than this clown who lived in a castle and never had to work for a living.

Overall, this is a very worthy story. If I could give any advice to the author, it would be to work to become more concise. Over the years I have found working within strict word limits to be very instructive, because being required to make my point in, say, 800 words ultimately makes me a better writer than indulging in 2400 words. Not that "Sir Osis" rambles, but there are a few passages here and there that would benefit from the efforts of a skilled editor.

All in all, though, I am impressed. A young writer that can pull off a 14,000-word storygame with 13 unique endings must have quite a few more stories to tell. I'm looking forward to reading them.
-- Bill_Ingersoll on 6/8/2019 12:00:48 AM
This was certainly wacky. I've read bits and pieces of this on and off, but this is the first time I've gone all the way through the story in (mostly) one sitting.

It was funny, and deserved to win Sir Corgi's contest. It's also pretty positive, which is a nice change of pace from all the super edgy stories on the site.

Sir Osis is an absolute doofus who should be stripped of his knighthood.
-- 3iguy on 5/21/2019 2:00:01 PM
The beginning was a little odd for me to read and I don’t know if that’s just me or if that is just the way you built your sentences.

My first ending was very passive with the bandits in the road only because I didn’t think pulling a hammer would work, given that they had swords, spears, and bows. For a bunch of guards to grab their weapons I thought they stood no chance, so I tried again. Would you look at that, I was right and still perished lol. I kind of like that. I have died way too many times and would make an awful knight it seems. The writing did get better in my opinion and I don’t seem to notice too many, if any, typos. I did start getting frustrated when every other or so choice led to my death or in some cases a very deep, deep sleep. I am glad however that sailing did not get to kill me, so thank you for that. More of the better choices that I believe a knight would have made led to his, Sir Osis, death.

All in all, this does make sense. I do like that you did this because a lot of the choices that killed him were because he was outnumbered or wounded in some way that made him slower or just weaker. I also think the woman who put you in an eternal sleep was kind of annoying only because there was no real warning or reason to not trust her.It would have been cool if you had added a little talk with the travelers about woman that are dangerous in this way or that, like a little foreshadowing.

It was not a bad game though. You could tell that you did put effort in it, although I think you kind of liked killing off Sir Osis of the Liver. Good Job Cricket.
-- TheDeadKin on 5/21/2019 1:43:17 PM
Nice game!

I wanted a storm of crickets that attacked him though... wait, what?
-- BgirlStories on 5/18/2019 8:16:27 PM
I’m going to be real for a second and say that I was a little surprised that a story titled with the name of the main character turned out so well. It was very well written for the time frame that it was done, and I was very impressed. I think you appealed very well to us judges for the contest, and I applaud you for that. I was very impressed! Sir Osis is definitely a story worthy of winning the title for our contest. Tthe concept was very humorous to me and it was very different from the other stories I had read earlier prior to reading Sir Osis. The plot was a bit bland in my taste, and it felt a bit linear (but I suppose that can’t really be helped), but you did very well designing character personalities.

All in all, fantastic job! The endings that branched off didn’t leave me too unsatisfied, and the way you wrapped up things was good. The opening to the story was very unique and honestly, you deserve a standing ovation. I gave your story a 12/15 so you did great! :) Excellent job.
-- At_Your_Throat on 4/28/2019 9:19:05 PM
This was whimsical and had some clever moments. The main character reminds me of that old movie Robin Hood: Men in Tights. As a quick, funny diversion, this story is good. It isn't too long, and something like this definitely <i>could</i> be too long, so that's good. The pregnant housefly thing made me chuckle.
-- Fluxion on 4/27/2019 9:43:21 PM
I had a really good time reading this. The humor was on point, and I really liked how human Sir Osis seemed. He wasn’t overpowered in any way, and was just trying to help people the best he could. I don’t really have any bad things to say. It was fairly short, but I liked it all the same. Great story Cricket!
-- C6H8O6 on 4/26/2019 11:38:08 AM
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