The Warped Castle

Player Rating5.00/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 11 ratings since 08/16/2020
played 138 times (finished 13)

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length6/8

"It'll be a while, better grab a Snickers®"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

Game is written for the Break contest hosted by Camelon. The prompt is the number 6Aliens of diverse backgrounds come together to challenge the most secure financial facility in the galaxy.

You are The wasteland warrior prince, with your atomic-powered war motorcycle Babieca, your Best friend Tibba and a Snob Urbanite mage are fighting for the survival of your Tribal empire until a Giant dimensional portal absorb you three and your bike, to participate in the Race of your lives.

There is a canon real ending that will be continued in the next part of the series.

DisclaimerUse of swears and minor adult topics.

Expecial thanks to Deadkin, the CYS discord for supporting me every day and Eiwynn.

Credits Hallelujah, The Song composer: Leonard Cohen Hallelujah poems © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC I didn't have any rights to it.

Player Comments

This shows a great effort, great tons of complex world building. Enjoyable read, indeed, would definitely not mind going back and diving deeper into this world created by Mara.
-- PerforatedPenguin on 12/10/2020 1:22:08 PM with a score of 0
Unique, to say the least. One thing I can appreciate about Mara's stories is that it's never what you expect. As far as originality goes, she has the upper-hand on most users on the site. Also, I'm not sure if mostly due to the language barrier or Mara's creativity (perhaps both), but the descriptions are certainly one of a kind. Never a dull moment when reading one of Mara's stories...even if I often have to re-read paragraphs for their intended meaning.
-- ninjapitka on 8/22/2020 12:33:42 PM with a score of 0
I'm... really not sure what to make of this story.

At this point we all know Mara quite well, that English isn't her natural language, but that she has made great progress over the last year. Therefore I am not going to quibble over semantics and syntax (OMG! You used a comma instead of a period!). Mara is more fluent in English than I am in any other language.

However... this story loses me in its over-caffeinated world-building. Just within the first few pages alone we are introduced to worlds within worlds, characters who are controlling others as avatars, avatars who dream of alternate realities. Just as we get a feel for one reality, the reality shifts into a new one, just in time for a trans-dimensional portal. It is difficult to feel grounded in all this, because the rules seem to be constantly in flux.

And for that matter, the characters don't feel grounded, either. There are attempts at explaining backstory, although from what I can tell those backstories don't inform what happens later in the story. Britannia seems like something from an anime series, with lots of attitude but not too much substance. Her companions seem to exist only to discuss plot points and offer opportunities for exposition ("Let me explain to you, Tibba, about those bionic bees we're about to fight!").

So the shifting points of view (as well as the shifting universes) makes it difficult for me to orient myself in this story. But also, the story's internal rules don't always add up. For instance, Brittania is something of an atheist, which should by definition make her someone who doesn't believe in the existence of gods or the supernatural in general. (An atheist is someone who thinks the existence of the universe and everything in it can be explained entirely by natural phenomena.) Nevertheless, she gets excited at the prospect she might be the "chose one" -- chosen by whom, exactly? -- and she doesn't think twice at sacrificing the hapless turtle-men (who were not previously explained, unless I missed that part) to those same gods, just to enhance her own chances of winning a race, the stakes of which are somewhat inscrutable.

But hey, this is a fully realized storygame, right? Well... I did encounter bugs, including links that looped back to the top of the same page instead of advancing the story, as well as numerous instances of variable scripting appearing on-page, making me wonder if I was supposed to be reading certain passages, or if those had been intended for a different set of circumstances.

I can applaud the effort involved in writing this story, and my rating reflects this. But I'm walking away from it with a bad case of vertigo.
-- Bill_Ingersoll on 8/17/2020 6:08:21 PM with a score of 0
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