ISentinelPenguinsI, The Reader
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"Women without mustaches are generally the best kind to date." -Aman
"Sorry honey, I don't go that way, and no way in hell I'll stop grieving over my conjoined twin just because you want to sodomize me!"-Me
"A spork is not pork but to hork to be a fork. It must spoon it's way to sporkhood and avoid torks before it becomes true spork."- Fireplay.
http://xkcd.com/1228/
http://xkcd.com/1139/
http://xkcd.com/1223/
http://xkcd.com/461/
And the Penguinite did write the holy words to the troll named Alf,
"You sir, are the most despicable excuse for a waste of human potential that any one human being could ever hope to know. You are the most idiotic and mentally insufficient, most INFERIOR being that has ever and will ever walk the earth. You doubtlessly spend your life trolling to hide your insecurities, to feed the dying fire in your miniscule, constipated soul, to make up, in some way, for all those failings in your life. Did your girlfriend leave you? Do you have a crappy job? Did you get fired? are you looking for some way, just ANY WAY to make up for your losses, to somehow improve your disgusting, miserable existence? To make your life less dull, less unfulfilling?
That despite what you've lost, what you've failed at doing, despite everything you're not good at, despite your estranged family members, your drunken parents, your stillborn son, your traitorous wife, you can still abandon your pain, you can pour it subversively onto the shoulders of others, because that pain in your heart just isn't going away, is it? And every day you act colder to others, and every day you fail, again and again. Your simian intelligence makes you feel inferior, your obscenely high weight makes you feel miserable, it impedes you in everything you do. You are powerless, a worthless cockroach in your own life, the asshole end of the American dream, trapped in a society that despises you, trapped in a world that hates you, and without the strength to smile through it, you find strength in trolling this website, don't you?
For those fleeting moments when you masturbate lovingly to your insults, and snigger at your facade of anonimity, for those fleeting moments that you troll this website and pleasure your obese, undeserving body in what you believe is FINALLY an emotion other than sadness, other than anger, other than self pity. And yet, you despair when the rush is over, don't you? Yes, you do, so you troll again, don't you? With your poor, subhuman, primitive brain, seeking the small pleasure you can find in this world, you troll again. And you receive joy. So much joy... But sir, I have one thing to say to you, you're doing nothing but sticking another glass shard in your heart, of making yourself more and more of a yeasty festering cunt day in and day out.
One day your uncaring parents, or your hateful family members, or the enemies you've made everywhere in your life that have come to kill you or beat you or seek some revenge will find you dead. Dead. They'll find you've hung yourself from your ceiling fan, or overdosed on drugs in the bathroom, dying in the stench of your own shit. They'll find you've gone and drunk an arsenic tea, they'll find your desecrated brain scattered across the floor of your living room as you pull the barrel of the gun from your mouth with a final inadvertant twitch. You're either denying it, or silently agreeing. You know it will happen eventually, with your sad sub-plankton existence getting worse with every passing day.
You know that you cannot possibly stand it all much longer. One day this WILL happen, and you'll have no one to cry for you, no one to care, and a line around your second-hand grave where people will PAY to dance and urinate on it. You can't deny it, you know it's true. it will happen.
So allow me to offer you an alternative.
Stop trolling. Stop trying to hurt people, stop trying to annoy people, heal that heart of yours by working to receive LOVE for once in your miserable life. don't be our troll, don't be our tormenter, grow a brain, share actual thoughts, and be our FRIEND! You can do it. Yes, you can do it. All it takes is a little intelligence and some grammar. You CAN become a worthy, honest human being for once in your life. You CAN control your future, at least on the internet. Try to help yourself, little troll. Try to fly. You can do it. If no one else does know that I believe in you. Thank you for your time."
-Troll threads 2:30-9:30, The Book of the Spork
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