Gaiety and Sorrow

An excellently written story game! Channing is a delightfully complex character. I loved the use of pronouns to determine his/her state of mind at any given point of time. Indeed, all the characters were compelling enough that I found myself rereading all the paths just to see how the characters would react to different paths.

Also love the art! :]

Gaiety and Sorrow

Allow to start off by saying that this is just a review only. The reader should always see the story for themselves before they make decisions regarding the story’s quality.

First off, allow me to state that the first paragraph loan was enough to make me feel like I was watching a movie. The way that the setting seamlessly flows from the type of things you would expect to see medieval market to immediately focusing on the main character is something that I would have expected from the opening sequence of a classical Disney movie. The interactions between the town folk made me feel as though I was sitting there, listening to the conversation, looking around furtively as if I was an eavesdropper.

The children especially made me smile. A lot of authors either makes children sound more mature than they really are or make them sound like a bunch of two-year-olds that learned English early the spider are overwhelming mental defects. If there’s one thing, the story hasn’t impressed on me from the first page it’s a firm grasp on human nature and social interaction.

Speaking of which, the way you were able to establish who the main character is while invoking an aura of mystery around them was impressive. You depict the townsfolk as wanting to know more about this man, and coming up with their own theories on him, which incidentally is also the emotion that is elicited from the reader as well. Therefore allowing us to empathize with even the background characters within the story not just the main character and supporting cast. That is a level of immersion that to be frank. I don’t see outside of top tier writers such as endmaster. When it takes me four paragraphs just to describe the first page alone you know it’s a masterpiece. If you don’t win this contest, I’m rioting.

Starting with the transparent honesty path.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Channing is a girl? So that’s a pretty good plot twist! Nowadays a lot of people who have diversity in their stories tend to make main female characters “ Mary Sues.”
You’ve written it in such a way that it actually makes sense how a woman would end up being a knight and how unusual it is, as well as explaining why Channing is is an enigma. The fact that Sir Channing hides her identity is a lot more historically accurate than the “strong, independent woman beats the patriarchy by being herself” narrative that so many authors and media outlets are pushing these days. Congratulations you’ve officially created a more admirable female character than Disney ever did. Much more than the IFaggots.

Historically, speaking, a lot of women who had no parents or stable family unit would have to disguise themselves as men for job opportunities and to avoid being exploited. You’re able to capture this within a fantasy story which brother added to the immersion and gives it a sense of the uncanny valley what you can’t quite tell what’s real and what isn’t. Even the narrator refers to Channing by “his” public identity.

Channing’s dream sequence and his description of how dreams operate not only establish a type of cadence that becomes steadily more sinister, reminding me of your ThunderDome entry against me, but this is also paralleled in your description of how people have been writing poetry about dreams literally while you are doing that in your own way.

Well, it does suck that war was inevitable, especially, after I tried to pursue peace. I do like that you were able to find different variations on how to get to the same place. It allows the reader to feel as though their choices still matter rather than rather than a couple of linear decisions. It also allows us to wonder if our decisions of consequences later in the story, such as if picking peace over immediate war will have consequences on the way in which the war will unfold.

The method of attempted reconciliation which I will not state to avoid spoilers, was beautiful and vivid. The depiction of the messenger, riding out evoked an image of glory and success. The entire scene left us with the idea that nothing could possibly go wrong and everything would be perfect. This idea is then brought with a screaming halt with the opposing country’s response.

Not only is it such a sharp contrast to the previous scene, but it also leads to a bit of intentional confusion. Why is it a country that just a little while ago was such a great ally of ours is now suddenly willing to risk our wrath and hate us so much? It’s clear that there’s a overarching plot that like any good story is being revealed to us a little bit at a time while offering more questions and scenarios to keep the entry going and keep the reader hooked.

I enjoy how the king gives us the option to handle things our way. Most stories like this they give you a clear goal they give you a choice of how to do it or they give you some type of mission to fill out from planning to execution and your choices cover how you overcome obstacles.

This story makes it pretty clear that the protagonist is to decide what is to be done with this country? This not only gives the reader a sense of feeling important without being overbearing or being some type of “special chosen one” but also imparts just how much the king truly trusts his knights. Which makes Channing’s secret identity, and upwards mobility, all the more impressive.

Allow me to just say the use of metaphors within the story is also incredible. This is a story that anyone who reads will be able to tell immediately while writing is seen as an art form. It is poetic yet sums up the reader’s current situation in a few powerful words.

Unrelenting warpath, lol. I was a little confused when you said that to me in a conversation earlier. But within the story, it’s certainly apt, given your instructions from the king.

This story also does a great job of the “show, not tell” that some writers are fond of. Everything around you from the sights to the sounds to the smells is describing vivid detail without bogging down the story. Giving the reader a clear picture while giving room for imagination.

Oh, so I did find my first error. When Sir Darwin asked a question of Sir Loren, and Sir Loren responds, Darwin refers to him as Sir Raevyn.

By the way, can I just say I love how each of the other knights and the king exhibit, their own personality traits, rather than being some generic Merry Men that are just there to help the protagonist?

Oh, and here’s a moral choice that has both its pros and cons. Do you fight the guards thereby taking lives and risking your own? Or do you burn down homes, therefore reducing loss of life along with your own risk, but at the cost of targeting innocent people.

Naturally, I chose to target the civilians. They are a bunch of serfs, it’s not like their quality of life is great. And I feel like in the long run targeting the food supply is going to do a lot more impact on their military than taking out guards that can be replaced with conscripting the very peasants that we’re trying to spare.

It’s pretty clear, however, that the knights, including Sir Darwin, who came up with the plan, are not happy having to do it. The fact that Sir Darwin has to literally justify his own idea, along with forced humor shows that it’s considered more of a lesser of two evils type of situation. Not ideal, but better than war or kidnapping.

These men, including our protagonist, are sworn by duty to commit an act that they know will cause innocent people to die slow lingering deaths by starvation. Many stories that had the same situation don’t dwell on the moral confliction that such an act would cause. You might see a sentence or two about hanging your head and saying it’s for the good of the kingdom. But here? Sir Darwin’s attempt to convince himself that what he’s doing is not as bad as what it is, followed by a sharp rebuke and a reminder from Sir Loren, sets a grim tone that establishes the weight of the characters actions, a heaviness felt by all of them… the reader included.

You’re not just seeing things from the eyes of the honorable Sir Channing. You’re not only deciding the path they will take. You are there with them, an invisible spectre guiding them and sharing in the pain and suffering their actions, your actions, are sure to invoke. Technically that’s what any good story game is, but the story imparts a sense of responsibility and awareness that very few manage to.

I honestly have not been drawn this deep into a story since I read Eternal. This is amazing!

Holy fuck. Sir Channing’s parents died in a fire and here they are, setting homes on fire. The literary irony, the anguish and indecision. This entire situation is fucked.

And yet… what other choice do they have? A war where many, many more people will die? This is like dropping the H bomb on Nagasaki in 1945. A horrible, horrible decision. But a necessary one.

Having to commit atrocities against people who have done you no harm, people who at one point, you could’ve counted yourself among them, because your king has ordered it to prevent worse from happening. It’s easy to talk about. Logically, it makes sense. But when you’re the one doing it? It imparts a sense of anguish. A death of your humanity. And this way, there’s a great job of making you not only understand that, but feeling that as if you were the one who had lowered the torch to the field.

You did such a fantastic job of eliciting empathy, in fact, that when some of the civilians inevitably rebel, it comes as a shock although in hindsight, the reader probably should’ve seen it coming. Generally speaking, people don’t like it when soldiers from other countries come to their homes and set their own food on fire over a foreign policy decision they had nothing to do with and possibly weren’t even aware of. Either way, the stated goal of saving lives, seems to be an impossibility.

Following this is immediately confronting the protagonist with the other side of the coin in the form of innocent civilians, whose lives they’ve ruined. Including a child, who, in some ways acts as a mirror to the protagonist who was in his possession at one point.

Another heavy decision. Do we continue with the justification that led to us creating the fires in the first place? The mission given to us by our king?

Or do we try to establish a little bit of the humanity we have left and help these people who are only in their predicament because of us, knowing that they could be members of the rebellion or simply want revenge on us at a later date? Not to mention jeopardizing our mission. After all, it’s only a matter of time before the opposing army finds us, and these people don’t have a whole lot of reason to not turn us in considering from their point of view, we didn’t seem to care about their well-being when we were setting their crops on fire.

It was a struggle. Ultimately, I chose to help the refugees.

Another minor error: you spelled questioned as “questined.”

Despite being the moral choice, this story does do a pretty realistic depiction of how the refugees feel. On the one hand, they kind of need the knights to further their own safety. On the other hand, they are resentful and not quite feeling chatty. The fact that one of the refugees is willing to open the state that he hopes the rebellion hurries up and gets there shows just how little these people seem to care about “consequences“ after having their livelihoods burned down for what they see as nothing, and establishing the precarious situation our knights have found themselves in as a result of their actions.

Once again, our protagonist Sir Channing sees himself in the enemy. This time, it is a young woman fighting for her home. Her death at the hands of Sir Channing leaves a bitter taste in the mouth of the reader. We don’t have much time to fully appreciate the impact of this, as immediately Fresh once again shows her understanding of human nature by having these refugees be slaughtered by their own country men in a fit of rage. The boy. A child impacted and only in that situation because of the protagonist and the reader… he is now slaughtered as a consequence. A innocent casualty of war.

What makes this ending so bitter? The fact that this entire situation only happens because of the atrocities committed by the knights. Their justification for these horrible, despicable acts was to avoid war. And not only did they end up causing one, but they’re forced to watch firsthand the consequences of their ill decisions.

Going back to the focus on the mission choice immediately following setting the fires.

So while they’ve all committed monsterous acts, it’s clear that leaving a bunch of innocent people is where the line is drawn. They all swore oaths to their country and king. Which makes it all the more powerful when they attempt to persuade our protagonist through shaming, begging, confrontation to help the civilians.

This is what happens when you focus entirely on results. You can feel the last of the humanity, the morality, the desire to do what’s right die within Sir Channing.

But what must be done, must be done. The story then takes the narrative down an unexpected route with the introduction of a mysterious traveler. From his words, you can tell he’s not someone to be trifled with. He has a power different from knights and kings. Whether he’s a magical human or something not quite human, or some mixture of the two… it’s not certain. Considering the ending I wouldn’t be surprised if this was intentional, but this traveler that you meet reminds me of the old stories about meeting death on a road.

The fact that Sir Darwin was ultimately killed for a decision that Sir Channing made is a powerful one, since even after everything that’s happened we can still see that he cares about the people under his charge.

Dang the king died too? So you literally committed all those atrocities for nothing. In a weird way it does in part a sense of karmic justice. Those who gave the order are now dead. And the protagonist, with their overwhelming sense of responsibility, is left to carry the consequences. Everyone involved has met their deserved fate.

And yet… there is still a country to serve. A people to protect and defend. The sense of responsibility and duty that serves your punishment is also what keeps you going, despite the grief that was described immensely well. As somebody who has lost my father, I can say that Sir Channing’s state of mind, the way he is shocked, noticing little things about Sir Darwin and becomes introspective… this is a very accurate state of mind involving grief immediately after death.

Ultimately, I chose to not genocide the mages. Aside from agreeing with Sir Channing about not all mages being like that one, I also feel as though that particular mage was in the right for doing what he did. Regardless of how friendly and loyal Sir Darwin was, and the story does a fantastic job of making him feel like a real person that you could actually see yourself going on adventures with… the fact is, he was responsible for the idea that led to the suffering of countless innocents. Children will starve and die in agony because of him. Compared to that, his death was merciful.

The immediate switch by the narrator to referring to Sir Channing as her real gender, from “him” to “her” was masterfully done. It imparts of sense of determination, a belief in a changing tomorrow. The men that she has served with having no objections (I particularly liked Sir Raevyn’s response) shows just how much “Sir” Channing has earned the respect of her peers.

The children from the first page! They were the first ones to speak, and now they’re the last? I love that literary hook. It brings the story around full circle. Despite the terrible things that have been done, there is still hope.

While I’m sure there’s a lot more playthroughs to go through, I am going to stop at there for now. This is my new favorite story. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, Fresh, you deserve the win. I sincerely hope that you take first place and this is an incredible novel. Yes lol I said novel. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for my new favorite story on this site.

Not only are you EndMaster’s newest daughter, but you are the first one to write a story that is… if I’m being honest… is better than the majority of his work. And that is a compliment that I have never paid an author before in my life.

8/8, and I sincerely wish I could go higher!

This story was great, I liked reading it as you wrote, you're a great author. I'm proud of you fresh