Gay and Depressed in Prison

As an official authority on things that are gay and depressed, I am legally obligated to review your storygame.
To open this up, how DARE you mention my masterpiece alongside Darius’s work. His story is not canon G&D, but rather some weird spinoff. I’ll let you have a pass because you’re new and pretty ok… just this once.

Overall: I actually recommend reading this (if you liked the previous installments to the Gay and Depressed series, that is). Every story dives deeper into the lives of the characters we’ve come to know and love, and every story gets longer as the series grows, too. This is a funny little tale that is definitely worth the fifteen or so minutes it should take you to play through a path.

Characters:
Of course Peter and Dergo are A+ characters and need no improvement.
The robber goes through a major personality shift, but I think it works.
The warden had a clearly stated personality and backstory.
In actuality there are only two real characters, meaning this isn’t the story’s strongest point.
4/8

SPAG: There are a few mistakes here and there in the grammar department, but spelling is generally alright.
5/8

Branching: There’s a surprising amount of ways this story can go, but all of the branches end really abruptly.
4/8

Plot: If I hear anyone complaining about the plot of this I’ll… do nothing, actually, but the sentiment is there. It has the weird and quirky randomness that is necessary for the series.
(in all seriousness, though, the only thing dragging it down is its length and even moreso the abruptness of every ending)
3/8

Bonuses: +1 because it’s a direct continuation of my story and not Darius’s

Total: I can tell you really tried on this, and your efforts paid off. I’m honored to have my story continued in this one. I think the 5/8 my ratings come to is well-deserved and you should be proud.

**other comments (aka SPOILERS)**
The very first page is scene 5? I mean you do you.

The opening line is everything one could ask for when headed into a story such as this.

Hey. heyyyy. I understood that reference.
OMIGOSH SOMEONE WROTE FANFIC OF MY STORY

If he’s getting turned on by a corpse, suppressed gayness is the least of his concern. Lol

wtf
WTF

Beginning on Scene 3, I would suggest spelling out the word “three” in the first sentence.

Actually I only murdered the one young man. Last sentence of the first paragraph, scene 3

>"Shit, no! Focus, man" you tell yourself.
Should have a comma after “man”

>"What, what the fuck do you want?", you belligerently say to the guard.
THAT comma definitely doesn’t need to be there. Also it’s generally not a good idea to tack “ly” onto the end of a sorta long word like that.

Again, you should spell out numbers (especially small ones like 6, 8, or 5) within the story.

He likes Taylor Swift, but somehow has gotten this far without realizing he’s gay???

I do like Wardens

“gayscape” lmao

>"goo-, goo-, goodfellas?", you stutter.
First off, capitalize that g. Also, commas only go INSIDE quotation marks, and not if there’s a question mark, exclamation point, dash, or interrobang already there.

“Sherman correctional center and prison” should all be capitalized

You actually don’t have to capitalize warden, though.

I feel as though there should be an option to not rebel, though that may just be personal preference speaking.

The longer the story goes on, the more sentences start with “you”. It gets pretty redundant.

Uh, no, we don’t just get to skip two years in the middle of a page. Time skips in stories that are already short are a major pet peeve of mine.

Scene 197. Lmao

Really, really into kissing dying people. Gay.

Not that you’re going for a realistic and accurate story, but drug lords usually aren’t out there doing their own dirty work. Maybe he just hated them so much he wanted to watch them die right in front of him, I guess.

I haven't read the other storygames in the Gay and Depressed series, so this was my first introduction to it. And it was a...very interesting introduction. Definitely worthy of a 5/8.

Not sure what the random scene numbers at the top of each page were about. Were they related to the previous games in this series? Interesting how the scenes weren't in a linear order...but the numbers made me think of movies, so there's that.

The very first scene made me think of the Deadpool movies, with the player character monologuing to an invisible audience, so that was kind of fun. I'm a little confused, though, as it seemed like there was only one person who was killed by the player character, but the narration keeps referencing two...unless that's related to one of the previous games in the series, of course.

I liked the revelation of the player character finding out he's gay at the start, even though kissing someone dying, who you killed, was kind of...ick. Still, that scene was written quite well, at least in my opinion.

I would have liked the option to do a bit more in the storygame. There were three options of things to do in the prison, but only the drug option had an extra choice leading from it. I would have liked being able to build the drug empire, at least.

The storygame definitely kept to the 'gay' part of the title, though I'm not sure I found much of the 'depressed' part. For most of the storygame, the player character seems to be pretty happy...though I guess the endings tend to fit the depressed theme pretty well.

Anyway, entertaining storygame, though I do wish it had been longer. Thank you for sharing!

Do more of these story’s prision ,bad guy,boss ,criminal

Well... I asked for it and I got it lol. A prison story with good old fashioned prison rape. That's what we all clicked the link for, right? Don't deny it. You wanted dem cheeks busted.

Of course, we all knew where this was going after the first paragraph. And, as an author of a long dick joke myself, every now and then you need a simple gayfest of a story. This one is exactly that.

There's also a subtle satirization going on here, although I'm not clever enough to know which side is being saterized. Is it mocking the super right wing trump simps? Or is it mocking the mockers of them by making it look like it's taking a poorly disguised dig at the group of reactionaries the Republican party has become? Who can say? Perhaps someone smarter than me.

Anyway, if you like your stories short and flamboyant, this one's for you.

Well, it lives up to its name. It's quite Gay and depressing and set in Prison. A few weird word choices jumped out at me, but no major SPAG issues. I've not read all the other entries in this series, but to my understanding, this one represents them fairly well.

The story feels a little random, I think mainly due to the in media res start. Good job on finishing in time for the contest, but the suddenly abbreviated endings shows the rush.