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I really like this and would love to see something more expansive or even collaborative.

I swallowed this in one bite and was very entertained. I also really liked this line in particular.

You knew how to swim, you just didn’t account for how cold the water would be.

It can also be expanded in whatever way you want since, as you said, nothing technically happened. So it can go whatever way you want.

I'd love to see it expanded.

You could gamify it by allowing the player to select their class schedule, and use variables to track how progressed you are in each kind of magic. With variable driven text swap some classes or overheard discussions could be more or less clear based on the acquired education and mastery.

I agree that this comes across as an info dump, but the bitter tone amused me. I enjoyed the character’s frustration and seeing their expectations clash with the reality of magic school. With detailed information and interesting ideas about magic, you successfully communicated the overwhelming nature of the classes. Others have made great comments, and you mentioned spreading out the information in an actual game, so I will instead leave the following suggestions:

First, maybe you could consider condensing your sentences. Since you offer interesting insights into many classes, this can help maintain your reader’s focus and improve the flow. See where you can cut extra phrases and filler words while retaining the same meaning.

For example, instead of “textbooks laid bare to the world . . . holding their secrets close to their chest”, consider chopping it to “textbooks laid bare . . . holding their secrets close”. Or instead of “. . . learn the mathematical intricacies of something that you can’t even see”, consider: “learn the mathematical intricacies of something invisible”.

Second, consider establishing a stronger voice. You did well in communicating the frustration of a stressed student, and perhaps you could further push it. For a deeper perspective, maybe you could reduce telling phrases like “you thought” or “you had no idea”. These phrases promote an outsider’s perspective while lengthening sentences. For example, perhaps instead of:  

You thought that with only five classes you’d be just fine, but just like every goddamn homework problem for your mana structure class, you were dead wrong.

Maybe consider something like:

Rolling over onto your side, you stare listlessly at your schedule. Five classes glare up at you. Just five.

Doable, right?

But like with every homework problem in mana structure, you were dead wrong. 

Fisting your hair in your hands, you bang your head on the table.

Or for the Foundations of Magic section, maybe consider this:

First, Foundations of Magic. Pretty unspecific in what it’d teach, but that’s because it depends on whatever the hell the professor decides to cover. One class you’ll be poring over magical history, and in the next, you’ll doze through a mana structure lecture.

Third, maybe break up the telling with a little showing. Since this work communicates a lot of information, telling helps quickly get through it, and you did awesome with that. To make the content feel even more relevant for the reader, maybe see where you can do a bit of showing.

For example, for the section about potions, maybe it could be something like:

Glaring at your textbooks, you shove them aside, uncovering a sea of worksheets for potions.

Oh, yes. Potions. Another dull but predictable class—just measure and mix, right? Or at least, that’s what you thought you’d be doing. Until your professor slammed down 800-page textbooks before everyone, covering thousands of ingredients, how they interact, and even which equipment to use. Turns out five different 60-liter cauldrons exist—and those are the ones you just know about.  

The handful of magic classes you took back home? They’re nothing compared to this.

Fourth, see what sentences can be translated into your character’s voice or thoughts. You have many grammatically correct, full sentences, which is a great foundation to build your work off of. To increase immersion and add a unique spark to your work, consider how you can shape the information, so it’s filtered through your character’s voice.

For example, the passage about mana structure does great in expressing the character’s hatred and bewilderment for the class. To further push it, maybe you could think about something like:

Speaking of mana structure, what the hell is up with that class? How can you learn the mathematical intricacies of something invisible? How it flows through living creatures, amounts used for various spells—an ache begins to build in your head. Amazing how that class can transform magic into the planet’s most nauseating topic.

Another example I’ve written:

You slump over the library table, papers strewn about you, textbooks laid bare to the world but somehow still holding their secrets close. Two weeks in, and you’re already drowning in ceaseless formulas and incomprehensible theorems. Drowning in the ocean you threw yourself into.

You know how to swim—just, who would’ve thought the water would be this icy?

Overall, it seems you have many strong, unique ideas about magic, and I’d love seeing that in a full game should you ever expand upon it. Once again, I enjoyed the character’s bitterness which made the classes more interesting as I saw them through their eyes. You did great, and I hope you keep writing!

Thank you! And nothing in particular - I was looking for any posts open to suggestions, and this one was the most recent with good effort placed into it. Plus, it had some interesting thoughts on magic.

Very impressive breakdown and well worth the commendation.  If you see anything I have written around here, I would be honored for your comments.

Thanks for the encouragement and the kind words. If you have anything to link me to, I'll take a look, but no promises. Otherwise, I'll just pounce on the first post I've found (which is the story in the Owl's Challenge Thread).

I'm a little more than half way done with the game I'm working on, but I think the things in Owl's posts are biggest thing I've done here yet.