Lux_Inferni, The Wordsmith
3/22/2023 11:00 AM
0 wins / 0 losses
Profile picture by the wonderful MHD. Please check out her art and consider hiring her for a commission.
Recent PostsSentinel's ULTIMATE ANIMAL ABUSE COMPENDIUM on 3/21/2023 1:50:42 AM
CoG staff pissing off their base AGAIN on 3/17/2023 9:28:40 PM
Why did I read the read? The amount of ass-kissing from the users and whining faggotry from the mods and staff is fucking sickening. Although I have to congratulate havenstone for being retarded enough to confirm the only reason that game got nominated is because of the author, not because it was good.
How do you feel about Zodiac signs? on 3/10/2023 11:29:11 PM
As a pagan, you should be ashamed of yourself for not specifying Sun is in Scorpio and not knowing what house it's in, its degree in the house, and any aspects (or lack thereof) to other celestial bodies.
CYS Mean Girls Faction on 2/17/2023 8:40:20 PM
You just need to feel more hate and anger and get that adrenaline flowing. There will be plenty of time for good sportsmanship after the bloodbath.
This Site Reject Is Curious About Something on 2/13/2023 7:19:19 PM
You got a couple of satisfactory responses that you never responded to. If you expected to create discussion, then you should put more effort into discussing these things instead of bitching and moaning about not fitting in and how much of a victim you are. But God forbid an ex-CoGite have a sense of logic. How old are you anyway? I can't decide if you're a retarded, sulky teenager or a grown-ass adult that still throws temper tantrums when things don't go his way. Edit: Damn. I'm late, but good riddance.
feedback on passage on 2/10/2023 11:21:25 AM
You're welcome. Just keep going and don't give up.
feedback on passage on 2/9/2023 5:51:34 PM
First of all, your intro needs to kind of introduce what your story is about. I would've thought this story was about some college student's spring break instead of what you posted in your other thread. The protagonist's upcoming birthday would be pretty important to the story. And who is Noelle? Is she the programmer girlfriend or her roommate? Turning off LED lights doesn't tell the reader much of anything about the relationship between the characters. Second, there's too much pointless description. You don't need to tell the reader the fridge isn't a smart fridge, the room is still and there doesn't seem to be any flies, a corner of the room is unkept (considering the state of the room in general), or that everything is perfectly normal. You can also cut your word count by rewriting and combining sentences. For example, instead of this:
Taped onto the side of the fridge is a small remote with only three buttons. She pushes an unmarked button and suddenly the random LED lights that Noelle turned off as a passive prank glow once more a soft blue, complimenting the grey wall.You could write something like this:
You press a button on a small remote taped to the fridge and LEDs bathe the room a soft blue, complimenting the grey wall.I said the same thing in 24 words compared to the 44 words you used. I could've used less words, but my example probably demonstrates my point well enough. Lastly, try to avoid using -ly adverbs as much as possible and work on your punctuation. Instead of wandering pointlessly, you could've left pointlessly out and kept wander (or change it to pace if you want to give the sentence more character). Faintly is redundant because you've already said it was a soft burr. If you want it to be clear that it's a soft sound without telling the reader it's soft, think about replacing it with whir. Fresh did a decent job of pointing out the punctuation issues. Your characterization is okay. Not great, but not bad either. She doesn't care about her surroundings, looks down on her peers and the underclassmen, and doesn't seem too happy about spring break. Think about where you could add more characterization. Would she be more likely to wander around the room or pace around it? Would flopping on the bed be a better choice than falling on the bed? Does murmuring accurately portray how she feels about spring break or would muttering be more accurate?
The OFFICIAL, COMPREHENSIVE, CYS ET SURVEY on 2/3/2023 10:03:54 PM
Anonymous Girl Here :} on 1/31/2023 11:24:48 PM
He probably flaked on that too.
Anonymous Girl Here :} on 1/31/2023 11:17:33 PM
Voldy. His self-destructive behavior is quite obvious and seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist would benefit him more than being here. But that's my pointless opinion.