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I found a poem in Google docs I wrote, timestamped at 3:07am, so I figured it might be good. Subject is what it was titled, not me being to lazy to capitalize. Rate out of ten, if it gets good ratings I might start writing more edgy poetry.

"Elixir of pain behind a veil of happiness
Very hurtful yet she seems to be trapped in this
Everyone says stop but she doesn't
Really seem to care
Clarity wasn't good, so she uses potions to keep it out her hair
Little bottles, sometimes huge
Else where is her brain as she chugs and almost pukes
As I always tell her she
Really needs to stop

As she always tells me, I really need to stop."

More focus seems to be put on the actual content of the words rather than the stanza or how the words paint a more broad picture. Though I suppose because its trying to be edgy that's sort of the point. I'm probably not the right audience for this. Its fine I guess.

I guess I've just seen a lot of poetry/art that's like this and this doesn't particularly stand out too much. Like I thought it might be subtle at first but the last few lines really drive home that the core of the poem's message lies in the fact that "she" is doing something bad that she shouldn't be doing.

I should clarify I don't have an issue with using differing ammount of words on each line...the sylables and the rhymes obviously are more important...though aren't 100% required obviously (its just really common sense that people tend like rhymes and consistent line length...poems are similar to songs after all)

Not trying to take anything away from you though. You shouldn't be afraid to express yourself after all. I've probably written worse poems myself when I myself try to be edgy anyways...lol :P

I was doing what 'she' shouldn't have been doing when I wrote this, so I just wanted to throw it out to the void. Look at the first letter of every stanza, that'll give you a hint. Wasn't trying to be edgy, just mad someone close couldn't kick an addiction.

I like the subject of the piece and the key terms working as an analogy. The rhyming scheme is good and it ends in a good place for the tone.

A consistent punctuation and syllable distribution can give the reader/speaker a better sense of the rhythm of the poem. This one is a bit inconsistent in its structure that way, which makes it a little difficult to know how it's intended to be read. If it's intended to be chaotic, you could try to give a visual element to how the lines are broken up to fit into the theme.

7/10

OK, this is pretty good. At first I was a little confused until I read the first letter in each sentence, then everything clicked.

How did I not notice that?!

8/10

The acrostic is cute, but it's absolutely killing your ability to think about each line as a line of verse; the whole poem is in service to that one word.  I'd be curious to see what you could do with this if you took that crutch away.

You got any subject suggestions then?

Do the same subject, if you like.  But try to write it without the acrostic.  Let's see what you can do with a verse line without it.