Comparing the antagonist to an authority figure like a shooting instructor two-thirds of the way into the poem too abruptly introduces a perspective shift on the relationship between the antagonist and protagonist.
The word shot is repeated too many times in a brief amount of text without a rhetorical purpose.
The word every is used in two consecutive sentences without a rhetorical purpose.
The naïveté of wishing for painless love is a dramatic shift from the more mature tone of the first two-thirds of the poem.
