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Hello! I JUST published my first story. I would LOVE feedback.

I am aware that one of the paths ends very abruptly. I may unpublish it to edit that ending.
You can find the story on my profile or on Recent Storygames.

Thank you for reading!

Well, here I go to read and rate another story <3

Yay!!!

     I read, rated, and reviewed it. Oh, also, on your profile it says you like reading twice in the same list. All of the endings are abrupt, not just one.

SCHWOOPIE.. Thank you!
Also, you're right :)

I've left feedback longer than the story itself, hope it helps! 

If it doesn't then he just doesn't know how to use advice.

Wow, I just read through your comment. This is actual gold, I needed this. I also love how you have it scaled from Beginner and Intermediate. What's the advanced level? Or will you put that in the next comment?

Isn't everything made by Mystic gold, to be honest?

Yeah, that's true! I think this will help Skip(or is it Micah?) out a lot, and anyone else who checks out the comment.

It's whatever you wanna call me! Skip or Micah :] I go by both!

It was going to be about theme, character-specific choices and pacing, but I figured the review was already too long.

     I don't think there's a 'too long' for reviews, just when the reviewer wants to stop or the review is no longer helpful.

Oh yeah, theme might be a bit too advanced. Especially since looking at the story, it looks like it's more of a first effort, quick adventure where you try to sneak out of a sleep over and either get kidnapped, OD on drugs, get grounded, or successfully sneak out, so I imagine putting theme might be a bit of difficulty in fitting theme in here. I'm not really sure how you would fit a theme here, so I think once Skip or Micah writes a more advanced story, the advanced level comment will really help!

Hehe, yes it does help :) Thank you!

I, too, have left a review. tl;dr version: A coherent story that, given the context, needs an absurd and/or humorous adventure + coming of age conflict and resolution, which occur AT the party.


^^ when your tl;dr is still tl;dr.

By the way, it is being reworked. I understand all the "you died" endings didn't go over well. I need to put a lot more work into it. But the reason I made my story like that was that I was trying to go for an ironically cliché story (With creativity, of course) just so it could be a short story to play for fun for my first game. That's why it was like: "Oh, you wanna take the bag? BOOM! You're dead. Don't take drugs, kids, just say no.", "Oh, you wanna get a ride with a stranger? BOOM! You're dead. Stranger danger." But I understand that wasn't too obvious.

Aww, Naz's little friend has been frightened into sudden productivity. ^_^

Not exactly friends with Naz, by the way! I just wasn't getting on while I was on winter break. When I was on, I wasn't really in the mood to write and was reading threads and finding new things to read. Just wanted to post an update and explain myself :)

I think @Liminal made a good storygame that nails the ironically cliché story genre.

Thanks! It is my magna popus, after all.