Forums » Newbie Central » Read Thread

I've just published a demo of my first story 'Dead Of Winter" been meaning to finish it for a while so have re-written some parts and added a few pages, just wondered if I could get some feedback on it please, just a few tips on what needs improving and changes you'd like to see to it, hoping to make it much much longer than it currently is if possible maybe publishing it in a couple of parts.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dead-of-winter-(demo)

what problem?

It's a very basic demo am in the process of re-writing it entirely want to expand on what you see ont he pages and make the threads expand out a little further

The text is a link. The image that the link goes to explains the issue.

oh ok, i actually made it a demo because i wanted a few ideas on what people would suggest to improve it, blank pages are because it is complete and would be added and i know it is short, so needs more adding to it but just thought i'd ask the community's advice on what they'd do given the chance to improve it, other than deleting it

The proper way to get our advice is to put your story on sneak preview mode and then put the link up in a thread in the writing workshop. We are able to access it without it showing up as published. Demos are basically reviled here because, in the past, people have just flooded the new game section with half-finished games. 

oh right i didn't think mine was the best around but neither did i think it was all that shit either.

This is how I was going to re-write it anyway http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-dead-of-winter

 Like the other comments said, it was good for a demo, you just need to finish it.

Sorry i missed your previous comment or would have replied.  To be honest I couldn't remember the site name just came across it again by accident, a happy accident at that and was going to finish what I started but honestly I just wasn't too happy with it, I know I can write better so want to put the time into it, add a couple of pages every couple of days and try making it as long as I can to keep people interested and to try making sure no one gets to the happily ever after ending where the crisis is over, or something. :)

The idea behind asking for advice honestly is just that i want to try making a good story, something to start with and to improve on and figure that the best way to do that is just to ask people what they'd change, maybe i need to make the character more interesting, more/less horror, etc.

Anyway going to take it off the published list and delete it once I've copied what I have so far as can see your point will do what you are both suggesting in the future.  Thanks for replying.

Asking for advice, and sharing your work of progress is important and encouraged. However, it's not needed to publish a demo when you can enable "sneak preview mode" and link to it on your profile page and the forums.

Anywho, the feedback you've received seems good so far, so keep going in the direction you've been heading.

xD Why can't I post that in story comments?! Why?!

Be aware that multi-part stories tend to be received as lazy.

They would be of considerable length if I did decide to do that, maybe have this 1st story written from the perspective of one character, have the second story continuing but from the perspective of a secondary character or maybe even having multiple characters in part one and the story carrying on through some of them in part two.

I thought you had a decent start~