**Demo** Incomplete demo of full story I am developing hoping to expand much further than this small demo.

Taking place after an unknown outbreak in London you play as Rebecca an up and coming journalist torn between her job, her remaining family, and investigating the mysterious goings on as a centuries old dock in the heart of the city that could hold the key to it all.

Warning:
Contains some mild/strong language and violent imagery.



(This is my first story so hope you enjoy it, all feedback is welcome, I'm publishing it as a demo after each update just to get feedbackso I know what people like and dislike for future story updates).

Taking place after an unknown outbreak in London you play as Rebecca an up and coming journalist torn between doing job reporting the events as they unfold and securing her partner and family safely away from the infected zone, while all the time things are becoming increasingly dangerous.

Will you escape or fall victim to The Dead Of Winter?

They would be of considerable length if I did decide to do that, maybe have this 1st story written from the perspective of one character, have the second story continuing but from the perspective of a secondary character or maybe even having multiple characters in part one and the story carrying on through some of them in part two.

Sorry i missed your previous comment or would have replied.  To be honest I couldn't remember the site name just came across it again by accident, a happy accident at that and was going to finish what I started but honestly I just wasn't too happy with it, I know I can write better so want to put the time into it, add a couple of pages every couple of days and try making it as long as I can to keep people interested and to try making sure no one gets to the happily ever after ending where the crisis is over, or something. :)

The idea behind asking for advice honestly is just that i want to try making a good story, something to start with and to improve on and figure that the best way to do that is just to ask people what they'd change, maybe i need to make the character more interesting, more/less horror, etc.

Anyway going to take it off the published list and delete it once I've copied what I have so far as can see your point will do what you are both suggesting in the future.  Thanks for replying.

oh right i didn't think mine was the best around but neither did i think it was all that shit either.

This is how I was going to re-write it anyway http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-dead-of-winter

oh ok, i actually made it a demo because i wanted a few ideas on what people would suggest to improve it, blank pages are because it is complete and would be added and i know it is short, so needs more adding to it but just thought i'd ask the community's advice on what they'd do given the chance to improve it, other than deleting it

what problem?

It's a very basic demo am in the process of re-writing it entirely want to expand on what you see ont he pages and make the threads expand out a little further

I've just published a demo of my first story 'Dead Of Winter" been meaning to finish it for a while so have re-written some parts and added a few pages, just wondered if I could get some feedback on it please, just a few tips on what needs improving and changes you'd like to see to it, hoping to make it much much longer than it currently is if possible maybe publishing it in a couple of parts.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dead-of-winter-(demo)

I've just published a demo of my first story 'Dead Of Winter" been meaning to finish it for a while so have re-written some parts and added a few pages, just wondered if I could get some feedback on it please, just a few tips on what needs improving and changes you'd like to see to it, hoping to make it much much longer than it currently is if possible maybe publishing it in a couple of parts.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dead-of-winter-(demo)

Ok thanks :) I'll finish my first story and then work out what I am going to do as seems (as said in the other thread) a lot of work for little return.

Just wondering is there any way for someone to input information and for that to be used as part of the story, was thinking of using a name form as part of the script so that the game would be personalised for whoever was using it as all they'd have to do is type their own name in.