Strawberry Putin never has won, nor will win, nor is he capable of winning. He has all the chances of winning as Napoleon had of winning Waterloo in the alternate universe where Waterloo was the entirety of Europe fighting just Napoleon, and Napoleon also had cerebal palsy and no arms. And his feet were made of rubber. And he couldn't even wriggle away because he had crippling scoliosis. In fact, he didn't even conquer anything before this iteration of Waterloo, everyone just gathered around to ceremoniously mercy kill him. It is a deeply depressing alternate universe, tbh.