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I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

You watch your golden retriever peacefully lie in the front of your small apartment.  The catchphrase, 'A dog is man's best friend' rings very true to you.  You don't go anywhere without your dog.  He has been with you through the thick and thin.  When everyone else leaves you he will still be there.

 

Ever since last year, your friends have stopped coming to the apartment.  Your girlfriend left you 6 months ago, but Fido never went away.  Fido is your only real friend you think sadly to yourself.  You get up off of the couch, and stroke Fido's thick golden brown hair.  He remains on one side, but you like to think he enjoys your petting.  

 

You get up and wade through your apartment.  You have really let your apartment go, but there's always time to clean.  There is never enough time to be with those you love

 

*Ring* *Ring* *Ring*

 

You pick up your phone on the third ring.

 

"Cody! I'm so glad you answered," the familiar voice on your phone belongs to your brother.

 

"Hey Ralph! It's been a long time since we've talked. How have you been?"

 

"I've been doing good! I hope that you've finally gotten over your problems."

 

"Problems? I don't have any problems."

 

"Cody, I can't let you keep living your life like this! You have to realize that Fido is dead!"

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago
Really cool ending. Changes the whole concept of the story in a matter of seconds. But wtf is Fido?

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

Oh, that's just the name of the dog.

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago
Lol, I forgot to strike through the 'wtf is Fido?' sentence. Nvmnd.

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

Lol

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

Oh.

I expected a heartwarming story about a boy who loves his dog and it ends with the dog dying and my heart shatters.

Well, at least the dog dying part was true.

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

I've always liked flash fiction, it's the perfect vehicle for delivering messed up little twists. I hadn't noticed this thread, thank goodness for Drama Alert and that mysterious stranger who everyone will be confusing with Kiel.

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

I don't know know who Kielstar is, but he had a great body.

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

Oh, Beta! You just missed him! Aw, unlucky Beta will never get to meet this mysterious and very attractive Kielstar.

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

Woah. Can't say anything but 'woah' about this piece.

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

OMG that ending is sooo sad!!! The feels, bro.

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

Dude don't necro a month old thread.

Not sure if 'sad' is the emotion he was going for, anyway.

 

Though.... @betaband, whatever happened to the next issue of Drama Alert?

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

What are you talking about? Betaband never did Drama Alert. That was Kielstar. Imean for God's sake, Betaband was never even once online at the same time as kielstar.   

I'm bored-- So critique this short story I wrote

8 years ago

Exactly. I admire Kielstar's writing ability and realize I will never get to that level of greatness.