Horror movies for funnies and general entertainment:
6. The Blackula series which, despite sort of giving their protagonist a racially insensitive name, actually makes sense in the context of the movies since Crackula gave him that name as a mockery. I mean, I’m not sure why he chose to go with the moniker one dude gave him, maybe it’s one of those weird Vampire rules. You can’t go in a house you aren’t invited to, and you can’t deny or change your name, you can only resent the fact that it's your name.
5. Predator 1. The others were progressively less charming. Creature is awesome, but the fact that the victims were ridiculously badass was cool and it's not done very much. I mean sure, does having badass protagonists make the movie scary? Nah, but it's so much FUN!
4. Gozu. It’s only a horror movie in the loosest sense. I’m sure if I grew up surrounded by all the cultural things behind this movie, I wouldn’t find it quite as uncanny as I did, even though some moments were obviously meant to spook and disgust the audience on some level. It really defies explanation, but the closest approximation I could really make is that it’s like From Dusk Till Dawn, but very, very Japanese.
3. Society. It's visually interesting and fucked up at the same time. Never really saw a movie that blended those factors in quite the same way.
2. Dead Alive/Braindead/whatever your country has decided to call the Peter Jackson movie with an Australian Father Ted in it that kicks ass for the lord.
1. The Evil Dead series, if and especially if you accept the unassociated (and probably named by Americans to sell DVDs) Shaolin Vs. Evil Dead as part of the canon.
Movies that were actually Scary:
6. Aliens. It’s basically required to be on a list like this, it’s the default thing suggested by everyone and their monstrous conjoined twin, but for a really good reason.
5. Jacob’s Ladder. It’s a creepy trip all the way through, and it’s one of the few horror movies I’ve seen that's managed to pull off a genuinely comforting ending without taking away from the scary shit that happened and without resorting to “cheaper” methods of making creepiness linger on.
4.The Thing. It’s also a really fun movie, and I was considering putting it on the first list, but there’s something about the body horror in this movie that separates it from the ones up there. The notion that it’s a contagious parasite makes me cringe when I see it on screen, it’s like seeing a pile of bodies with plague boils or something, you wanna get the hell out of the room so you don’t catch it whenever you see one of the monsters waggling its way into the room. I actually felt the need to wash my hands the first time I saw it.
3. Haunted House, the 1954 one, not the tumorous 90s one. It’s one of those horror movies that came from a time before Special Effects, so all they had was layers and layers of tension and really depressing things to say about living with a mental illness or lack thereof.
2. Eraserhead. Might just be because I saw this when I was younger than I was supposed to be, but it really messed with me for a long time and I still get the willies hearing certain soundbytes and seeing screenshots from the film. Begotten also gets me similarly triggered, but Eraserhead was first, and always felt realer and more visceral to me.
1. Martyrs I think it was called. It’s a horror movie about Cults, but it snorted 10 grams of Nihilism on the way in. This is the kind of stuff that fucks up your mood and the general comfort of your life for a few days after watching it, take care.
Honorable mentions that didn’t quite make it onto either list but you should still watch:
6. Leprechaun 4: In Space. It's a leprechaun movie that takes place in Space. Did you know there was one? Well, there was. Kind of makes you want to see it, doesn't it? Come on, dammit. I can’t bear this pain alone!
5. Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. What if The Thing was an adult swim-style satire of the fast food industry? The hideous, hilarious answer to a question that nobody asked.
4. Tusk. It doesn’t have much going for it aside from the final transformation at the end, but it’s very goofy, disgusting, and worth the wait.
3. The Schizophreniac/Last House on Dead End Street “Series”. You’re more likely to be confused and offended than genuinely scared, but I personally make a hobby of being confused and offended, so it’s alright by me.
2. Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter. The Epitamy of 70s cheese and all the best parts of a Hammer Films vampire movie put together. It’s so ridiculously cheesy, with such perfect understated pathos about itself that I’ve been quoting it in things I’ve written ever since I first saw it. I’m sure if I checked things I wrote before I saw it, I’d still be quoting it. Every line and situation is so beautifully laced with Mozarella, it’s almost poetry in video form. It’s not as bombastic as the other “Fun” horror movies I suggested, but if you like slow-burn ridiculousness that’s very well tied down to its own little genre, it’s a must-watch.
1. Hellraiser. I dunno what it is about Hellraiser. I pretty much got into it because I liked the Motorhead song. I just like it I just like it because it doesn’t really seem to fit into any particular horror genre. It doesn’t feel like it’s trying to mess with your head or be a slasher movie, it just is, and it feels sort of unassuming and pleasant for that. Clive Barker never really seemed like a guy who bothered with genres or genuinely trying to scare people much anyway, he just tries to tell a cool story for the hell of it, and that’s a philosophy I can get behind… Even if he does get a little long-winded sometimes.
666 because lol Halloween or whatever.
